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Achmed the Dead Terrorist Has a Son - Jeff Dunham - Controlled Chaos

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    [Jeff] What I want you to do is I want you to look over there while I'm getting him out. Don't peek.
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    [Achmed] OK.
    [Jeff] Just look over there.
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    [Achmed] Hey, wait a minute,
    when I'm not looking, are you going to kill me?
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    [Achmed] Now, that's actually a good way to do it,
    you know.
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    [Achmed] Kind of old school, but effective.
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    [Achmed] It's like, "Hey, look at that! .... [throttled noise]
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    [Jeff] No, just look over there and don't look back until I say so.
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    [Achmed] OK, whatever. This is kind of like Christmas, hu?
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    [Jeff] Yeah, just look over there
    [Achmed] OK
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    [Jeff] Don't peek.
    [Achmed] OK, right, I'm not going to peek, but it's still... now?
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    [Jeff] Nooo!
    [Achmed] OK! I didn't ....
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    [Achmed] Aow!
    [Semi-skeleton => Achmed Junior => A.J.] Aow!
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    [Achmed] Who the hell is that?
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    [A.J.] Hello, Father!
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    [Jeff] It's your son, Achmed Junior!
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    [Achmed] A.J.?
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    [A.J.] That's right.
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    [Achmed] Wait, I thought you were dead!
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    [A.J.] Surprise!
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    [Jeff] This is great.
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    [Achmed] Hey, what happened to your face?
    Oh, yeah. My bad.
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    [Jeff] Achmed, he's your son! Look at him, what do you see?
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    [Achmed] Well, he does have my eye [laughs].
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    [A.J.] Actually, I do, yes, I do.
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    [Achmed] Why do you sound like Elton John?
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    [Jeff] You were separated after the accident: he was raised in England.
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    [A.J.] Did my mum miss me?
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    [Achmed] Err, yeah, I don't know, what the hell mmmm
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    [Jeff] How do you not know?
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    [Achmed] Oops...
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    [A.J.] What's wrong with your leg?
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    [Achmed] NOTHING! ...What's wrong with my leg?
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    [Achmed] Can you fix this?
    [Jeff] I don't think so...
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    [Achmed] Damm it!
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    [A.J.] Don't look at me!
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    [Jeff] What if we get Marnel to help us? He works for us.
    [Achmed] Marneeeeel, come and fix my leg!
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    [A.J.] He's kinda cute.
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    [Achmed] Okay, moving oooon!
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    [Jeff] Wait a minute, how do you not know who his mother is?
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    [Achmed] I had 46 wives, you idiot!
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    [Achmed] They all dressed the same
    and their faces were covered.
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    [Jeff] How did you tell them apart?
    [Achmed] The numbers on theirs backs!
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    [Jeff] That's terrible.
    [Achmed] I know. Mother's Day is a bitch. And so are most of the mothers.
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    [A.J.] That's not funny at all.
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    [Achmed] Atall? Who's Atall? Was she your mother? I don't remember a woman who was all bulgy-eyed like you.
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    [Jeff] Bulgy-eyed?
    [Achmed] Well, look at him!
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    [A.J.] Well, you are not exactly squinting.
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    [Achmed] At least my face is balanced. I do manage to look asleep and terrified, all at the same time.
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    [Jeff] Achmed, he is your son!
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    [Achmed] Well, the apple doesn't fall far from the tree and apparently this one got run over by a fucking lawnmower.
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    [A.J.] You caused the accident.
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    [Achmed] Accident? It was a huge explosion with great fire and destruction.
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    [A.J.] You didn't mean for it to happen!
    [Achmed] I did to!
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    [A.J.] You did not!
    [Achmed] I did... oh shit! Marneeeeel!
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    [Achmed] Son of a bitch!
    [A.J.] Are you talking to me now?
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    [Achmed] Fix it right or I'll kick your ass!
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    [Achmed] Marnel, come back!
    My arm is stuck in my pelvis, you asshole!
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    [A.J.] He can fix my pelvis anytime.
    [Achmed] Shut uuuup!
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    [Jeff] OK look... So the explosion that you were talking about... how did that happen?
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    [Achmed] Very precise and careful planning.
    [A.J.] Not exactly.
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    [Achmed] I said shut up!
    [Jeff] What happened?
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    [Achmed] NOTHING!
    [A.J.] He was putting gasoline in his scooter.
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    [Jeff] So why was there an explosion?
    [Achmed] Shit happens.
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    [A.J.] He was using his cellphone.
    [Jeff] Really?
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    [Achmed] What?
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    [Jeff] While putting gas in your scooter,
    you know, that's dangerous.
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    [Achmed] Well it was your mother who called!
    [A.J.] Really?
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    [Achmed] I don't know.
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    [Jeff] What was her name?
    [Achmed] Forty-two.
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    [Jeff] And you guys haven't had any contact since?
    [Achmed] Not much, he is a bad son.
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    [A.J] I am not!
    [Achmed] Tell him what you sent me for my birthday!
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    [A.J.] It was a honest mistake.
    [Jeff] What you sent him?
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    [Achmed] He sent me a bottle of skin lotion.
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    [A.J.] He made it worse.
    [Jeff] What did you do?
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    [Achmed] I sent him back half a bottle, ja ja!
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    [Jeff] You know, maybe you should try to patch things up.
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    [Achmed] Looks like he needs more than a fucking patch.
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    [A.J.] But I'm here for a reason!
    [Achmed] What? a skin graft, sorry? I'm all out!
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    [Achmed] Fuck, Marneeeeel!
    Come and fix my fucking leg!
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    [Achmed] ... eat(?) duct tape you asshole!
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    [Jeff] Actually he brought duct tape...
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    [A.J.] He's kinky too.
    [Achmed] Shut uup!
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    [Jeff] So, Achmed, do you know why A.J. is here?
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    [Achmed] Well, wait a minute... This isn't some crap about owing child support, is it?
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    [Achmed] That bitch, whichever one she was.
    [Jeff] No, that's not it.
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    [Achmed] This is that, because I've seen the crap that you're going through
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    and I don't know how you can afford even a T-shirt!
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    [Jeff] Thank you.
    [Achmed] Did I say that just how you wrote it?
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    [Jeff] Yes, thank you.
    [Achmed] Okay, good luck with the Judge.
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    [Achmed] I hope he's fair.
    [Jeff] Actually, the Judge is a woman
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    [A.J] You're fucked
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    [Achmed] OK, listen you!
    [Jeff] Achmed, you're getting hostile.
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    [Achmed] Of course I'm getting hostile,
    I'm a terrorist, you idiot!
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    [Achmed] You piss me off, I kill you!
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    [A.J.] Would that really solve anything?
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    [Achmed] Pretty much, yeah, I think it does.
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    [Jeff] OK
    [Achmed] I have nothing in common with my own son.
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    [Jeff] Well, just talk to him.
    [Achmed] How?
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    [Jeff] I don't know, like you would to anybody.
    [Achmed] OK. WTF!
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    OMG. I mean OMA.
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    [Jeff] And you have no idea why he's here?
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    [Achmed] To start his training as a terrorist.
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    [A.J.] No, Father, that's just it: I don't want to be a terrorist.
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    [Achmed] Uh? But I want you to be just like me.
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    [A.J.] Well, I'm not, and I won't be.
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    [Jeff] Achmed, can you accept that?
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    [Achmed] I guess I can try.
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    [Jeff] And A.J., what if he doesn't accept it?
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    [A.J.] I kill you.
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    [Achmed] That's my boy!
Title:
Achmed the Dead Terrorist Has a Son - Jeff Dunham - Controlled Chaos
Description:

Achmed has a son! An extended clip of Jeff Dunham, Achmed, and Achmed Junior from Controlled Chaos, now available on DVD from Amazon.com. Silence...…wait for it...…I Keel You!

Buy the DVD on Amazon.com now!
http://amzn.to/tmK8yD
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Video Language:
English
Team:
Captions Requested
Duration:
08:20

English subtitles

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