-
ARIN: The Legend of Zelda!
-
It's a series so huge...
-
I couldn't help but say it all... woo-oo-oo!
-
But its hugeness is mostly...
-
[keyboard clacking]
-
Hey, uh... hey, what are you doing over there?
-
GAMER: Oh... [nervously chuckles]
-
I was just writing my preemptive counterargument
-
about how you're wrong about my
favorite game of all time and the best game ever.
-
ARIN: Oh, okay. Well...
-
Don't you think that's a little, I dunno, closed-minded?
-
I mean, I get you probably liked this game as a kid, but...
-
isn't it time we looked at it critically
and made a fair analysis of how--
-
GAMER: No!
-
[glass breaks]
[screams]
-
ARIN: [groans] Okay, ask anybody about Zelda.
-
Anyone can tell you what makes a Zelda game a Zelda game...
-
and what a game needs to be to be a Zelda game.
-
But is that description you'll get really
what describes a Zelda game at its core?
-
Is it possible that following this formula might actually be missing the entire point of what makes Zelda awesome?
-
Or even what makes a sequel awesome?
-
I mean, Zelda's a game where you
swing a fuckin' sword at some pigs or whatever.
-
There's bombs and triangles.
-
Get three triangles! Do it!
-
In Zelda, you were an adventurer, and...
-
Well, seriously... that much wasn't even explained.
-
You were just a green dude!
-
Walk into a cave, old dude goes, "Hey take this."
-
You're like, "Okay, it's a sword."
-
You swing it at monsters that shoot rocks and shit at you
-
and you have a great time killin' em.
-
You figure, "If there's a cave I get a sword in,
there must be other caves to get other shit in, right?
-
Maybe other swords? I dunno. Sword's neat."
-
Well, that's Zelda.
-
And whether or not Zelda is what it is now,
that's how it started.
-
And that's what sold a bazillion games!
A trillion million gam--
-
Look at how many games there are!
-
And then, uh...
-
Then Adventures of Lincoln came out.
Wadever, I dun' c--
-
And then... A Link to the Past!
-
[hums fanfare]
-
It was like the definitive Zelda, right?
-
It felt like the first Zelda, but there was so much more.
-
Bigger world, more things goin' on, it was nuts!
-
My eight-year-old mind couldn't take it.
-
Was I eight? I don't remember.
-
But still, it changed a lot of things.
-
This guy, Link, was given a name and a purpose.
-
"Rescue the princess! Save Hyrule!"
-
You have an uncle. I dunno what his name is.
-
He dies.
-
[somber piano music]
-
In Link to the Past, you start out in a house.
-
You're forced to head up, sneak into a castle, fight some guards...
-
rescue a princess, and bring her through
an underground tunnel to some church or whatever...
-
so you can finally go out, have your world to enjoy!
-
Okay, cool!
-
But okay, you want me to talk to some old lady? Okay.
-
Then what? Oh, find some kid who knows
about where some old dude is? Okay.
-
So, okay.
-
So, here's the old dude? Okay.
-
So go into this temple? Okay.
Beat the temple? Okay.
-
Listen... am I your fucking servant?
-
Why do you give me this world
to explore and have a good time in...
-
and then you tell me to do these super-specific things?!
-
You don't throw a six-year-old into a sandbox and say...
-
"Hey, you can only make poopy castles."
-
You know when you take wet sand,
and you just let it drip on top of a pile of sand?
-
It's a poopy castle.
-
I mean, exploration still exists in Link to the Past,
and God knows it's required to beat it.
-
But if a game is telling you to do specific things with marks on a map, and a sequence of which things to do and specific instructions...
-
you're not discovering a world.
You're being taken on a tour.
-
You're no longer a pioneer adventurer.
-
You're a guest at Disneyland.
-
Here's your ticket! Be sure to check out Space Mountain 'n Indiana Jones before you leave!
-
Guess Goofy's weight... win a prize!
-
KID: 120 pounds...?
-
ARIN: [softly] No...
-
It's too low.
-
The whole game... it feels a bit more processed.
It feels a bit more planned.
-
You have a mission, and the mission is laid out for you.
-
And that kinda thing is fine.
-
I mean, I go to Disneyland, like, six times a year.
-
I fuckin' love the Blue Bayou restaurant. They got great food.
-
Oh! That's a little pricy.
But you know what, it's worth it.
-
But Zelda from its roots, it's not the kind of game that holds your hand.
-
There's no explanation, or even really, like, a goal...
-
but there's adversity everywhere, and can you approach it anytime you want, whether you're prepared or not.
-
You run the real risk of facing off against
something that will kill you... in a fucking second!
-
It's fuckin' awesome!
-
But if you look at A Link to the Past and The Legend of Zelda
from a surface level, they seem the same.
-
There's a bunch of dungeons you get items for.
-
Bombs, triangles, boomerangs, oh my!
-
With bosses and a final fight with a giant pig-man.
-
There's a big world with caves and bushes!
-
But it's not the same. There's a shift in soul.
-
A difference in how you perceive and experience the world.
-
Is it better? Is it worse?
I don't fuckin' know, but it's not the same!
-
MAN 1: Oh my God, look at that!
-
The clouds are parting! And the heavens are
sending us a message from above!
-
MAN 2: [narrating] Our eyes squint,
and adjust to the heavenly glow...
-
when we finally can understand what it says.
-
VOICE: Hey! There's a 3D Zelda comin' out!
-
MAN 2: Oh my God!
-
ARIN: The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time.
-
It's a game considered by most to be a masterpiece!
-
A 3D world with delicious sound and amazing graphics!
-
...at the time.
-
Each dungeon and each town feels unique
and has its own energy to it.
-
We were all fuckin' floored! It was so epic!
-
This is what felt like gaming was leading up to.
It felt like a natural progression.
-
It felt like...
witnessing a fish grow legs!
-
But not that one, it's... really gross.
-
So now, we have this 3D world,
and it felt like that was what made the difference.
-
But what exactly was different?
-
Well, in order to examine that, we have to examine...
-
the dreaded transition from the
second dimension to the third dimension!
-
If we learned anything from Sanic the Hedgehog over here...
-
it's that turning a 2D game into a 3D game, it ain't easy.
-
It ain't even fuckin' quantifiable!
-
How do you take the simplicity of form
that 2D allows, and give it a Z-axis?
-
Everything changes! And it seems to turn a really good game design into a completely fuckin' broken one!
-
[softly] Oh God... Oh my God!
-
Timmy, don't look...
Did you look at that?! Don't look at--
-
I mean, but Zelda, that one's not too hard.
-
It already technically has 3 dimensions.
You got the Y-axis, the X-axis...
-
but, you know, you could go upstairs,
enemies could jump over you, all that stuff.
-
But that's where the differences start.
-
See, Link to the Past had a selective Z-axis.
-
For example, you couldn't be on the second floor
and attack a dude on the first floor.
-
But if the sandworm boss soared over your head
and you weren't harmed by it...
-
you could still swing at it, and it'd register a hit.
-
Bats fly through the air,
but they're always conveniently at sword's height.
-
That shit's asinine in 3D, which ironically
in this situation is a limitation of the medium.
-
The more specific you get about situations analogous to reality,
the more you have to stipulate on.
-
You can't hit a bat from any Z-axis position distance!
-
Now it's really clear where the bats are in 3D space.
They're up, down, every-fuckin'-where.
-
And aiming your sword would be retarded!
-
Hey!
-
> I see you there loomin'.
> S.S.: Gee man, I'm sorry. I'm just curious.
-
ARIN: So what do we gotta do to remedy this Z-axis problem?
-
[old-timey voice] Ladies and gents,
I present to you Z-targeting!
-
Pesky bats flying from every which way?
-
Trying to circle around hostile folks
without losing track of where it is relative to you?
-
Have I got a treat for you!
-
Just press the Z button, and you'll lock onto the nearest baddie and have a go with your mighty sword device!
-
[normal voice] Check it out.
Z-targeting made combat complicated.
-
And that's not a bad thing.
No more simple point-and-swing stuff here, folks.
-
You get a lock on, focus on the fight.
-
This is a gigantic difference,
and it makes combat complex.
-
And I don't say this a lot,
but let's see how this is a good thing.
-
A new method of combat means new ways to
go about designing enemies and combat situations.
-
You used to just point and hit. Hit and run.
-
"Pft! Pft! Hey--he--Wha da fuck man?"
-
But now, there's rolling, dodging, stabbing,
swinging, leaping, holy shit!
-
So complex, so many possibilities.
-
It's so deep, they could make an entire game based on the combat system.
-
But guess what, they didn't!
Here's how this is a poopy bad thing!
-
Z-targeting creates a strange disconnect from the world around you.
-
It changes the camera angle from
what you're used to exploring the world in...
-
and that shifts your entire focus and outlook.
-
It segments the game into two pieces.
-
This is the combat piece.
This is the world exploring piece. They don't mix!
-
Put 'em in a room together,
they get into an argument.
-
> THING 1: Hey, fuck you!
> THING 2: Hey, fuck you too!
-
ARIN: Dude, guys! Can't we just get along?
-
THING 2: Whadda ya think this is, Link to the Past?
-
ARIN: [snickers, slaps knee]
-
[gasps]
-
Like the man says, in the old Zelda games,
those two pieces were linked.
-
There were segments where you had to fight off enemies and explore the room simultaneously.
-
It was much easier to manage it all, and now
it's complicated and puts you in unfair situa--
-
Agh, what the f--!
-
"What the heck was that all about?"
-
Z-targeting also puts a damper
on throwaway enemies like bats...
-
who were fun to kill in previous Zeldas...
-
but are now a pain in the goddamn ass, since you have to individually focus on each one, and precisely hit them.
-
It'd be like if you wanted to kill a buncha ants
in your house by stompin' on 'em.
-
But instead of doing that,
you point a slingshot at each one individually.
-
Now okay, on the flip side,
complicated enemies are a total joy to fight.
-
But, the issue comes up of...
how they're even designed.
-
Okay, so as I mentioned before...
-
a lot of the charm from the original Zelda
was how ruthless the game was...
-
and a complex fighting system would be
a perfect place to implement that.
-
But the source of a lot of Ocarina's problems
is that the game's idea of difficulty is waiting.
-
There is so much goddamn waiting in Ocarina.
-
Every enemy has a period where they
just stand around and do fucking nothing.
-
And attacking them during this time is useless.
-
Deku Scrubs, Stalfos, lizard men,
Skulltulas, wolf dudes, Gerudos, clams?!
-
Waiting is not a difficult thing to do.
-
But it creates the illusion of difficulty,
because it takes up your time.
-
And that's all it does.
-
A fight feels like an ordeal, when you have to devote a decent amount of time to it, but it's not hard.
-
Just look at Final Fantasy IX, Skies of Arcadia, Grandia.
-
These long-ass battles, not hard,
but they feel like they're something.
-
This is a mindless interaction, and you're simply going through the motions instead of strategizing.
-
Wait, attack. Wait, attack.
-
Wait, att-- It's not very hard to do!
And it's difficult to mess up.
-
The style of enemy isn't inherently bad.
-
I mean, it creates an interesting player-enemy relationship
where the enemy's controlling the pace of the battle.
-
But the fact that it's a consistent theme in enemies gives the impression that it's used as a difficulty supplement...
-
since none of these enemies are actually difficult to fight.
-
Now, on the flip side...
-
Ocarina has the coolest enemy ever, the Iron Knuckle.
-
It's an enemy that is actually provoked to attack
and also to be vulnerable by your own attack.
-
Which makes the pace of the battle completely
dictated by you and your ability to fight it.
-
Additionally, the nature of his attack pattern
requires you to be aware of your surroundings.
-
You can lure him to attack pillars,
which yield hearts to replenish your life...
-
which is another layer of depth to the battle.
-
This is the kind of enemy design
Ocarina needed so much more of.
-
A merging of combat and world...
-
where you are still very aware of your surrounding
in each setpiece, even during combat...
-
and the world around you affects your combat.
-
I feel that this particular battle shows how Ocarina could have had an even better combat-world connection
-
than Link to the Past, or even the original Zelda...
-
but chose to save it only for
minibosses and some boss battles.
-
Could've been every enemy.
-
[sighs] In any case, the nature of Z-targeting
forced Zelda to be more combat-centric.
-
And with it, the world was forced to change.
But it didn't.
-
You still push blocks, only now you can't push them when you're engaged in combat.
-
And you still open doors by
shooting slingshots at eyeballs in the wall.
-
Is that a puzzle?
-
Like seriously, is that's a puzzle?
-
Is looking around the room, and finding an eyeball on a wall, really super-fun for people?
-
Like, the game is 3D now, so everything isn't laid out before you like a map anymore.
-
So I get that there's this sense that you walk into a room
-
and aren't getting all the information about the room right away.
-
But, is stopping your forward motion...
-
stopping everything...
-
to look for a diamond to whack,
that's in a soulless crevice in the wall
-
so you can open a door that leads to another room with a locked door and some other silly Open Sesame trick--
-
Is that fun?! Is this what you want?!
-
S.S.: Hey, come on man, it's not that bad.
-
ARIN: [shushes] Skyward Sword...
Seriously, I'm doing, like, a show.
-
S.S.: I know, I just figured I'd give my two-cents.
-
ARIN: I don't care! Nobody likes you!
-
You took fun and made it unfun!
How'd you even do that?!
-
"Maybe I should go douse for a better game, huh?"
-
S.S.: Hey man, that's low.
-
ARIN: So is my interest in playing you again.
-
Oh shit! [claps] Burn! Burn!
-
Sorry, I'm just really proud of what I've done today.
-
Plus...
-
I really hate you.
-
Alright, let me explain something.
-
A puzzle is something you have all the information for.
-
The only thing standing between you and the solution is your own ability to put the pieces together in the right way.
-
The satisfaction you obtain from
solving a puzzle is from the "A-ha!" moment...
-
when the pieces fit, and you have only yourself to blame for it.
-
If you're missing a piece,
how're you supposed to even get to a conclusion?
-
You rack your brain, run in circles,
go "What do I fuckin' do?!"
-
...until you find the last piece on a whim,
and suddenly it all makes sense.
-
You say, "Well shit!" or "Agh, come on!"
-
The satisfaction doesn't come from the door opening.
-
It comes from the puzzle itself.
If the puzzle itself isn't satisfying...
-
Well there you go.
The puzzle itself isn't satisfying.
-
You see, in the original Zelda,
you'd walk into a room, the doors would lock...
-
but five caped horse-sword dude lookin' guys
who're fuckin' hard as shit surround you.
-
They follow you around when they see you,
you can only attack them from the sides or the back.
-
You gotta find vantage points,
ins, outs, manage your health...
-
dodge them when they gang up.
-
It's daunting. It's interesting.
It engages you.
-
And it's really easy to understand.
-
And because of all this,
it's satisfying when you beat them.
-
A door opening is like,
"Oh okay, cool! The door opened."
-
You're not like, "Ugh, fuckin' finally, the door!"
-
But look, that's not to say puzzles or whatever can't exist in Ocarina of Time's combat-centric universe...
-
but sliding spike-death pucks comin' out from around the corner you can't see is just bad fuckin' design!
-
It's bad design in any game!
There's no difference in Zelda!
-
You don't get a Get Out of Jail Free card...
-
You gotta roll three times!
-
In the first Zelda, you see that shit!
-
In Link to the Past, you see that shit!
-
In Ocarina... oops!
-
Yeah, I know. That's the nature of 3D.
-
But if it doesn't work in 3D, you change it!
-
If the formula doesn't work,
you change the formula.
-
Why do I gotta leap across these platforms?
There's no challenge here. I hold the joystick up.
-
Just 'cause the scenario is treacherous
doesn't mean the game is actually treacherous.
-
I could've just walked forward in a straight line.
-
Heck, I could close my eyes here and do this!
Is that treacherous?
-
Can I just close my eyes and shoot at terrorist insurgents
and be like, "Oh, I'm fuckin' fine!"
-
Hey, or better yet, how 'bout some nice interesting
combat scenario here on these platforms, huh?
-
Like some kind of enemy that'll circle around you...
-
and you just gotta time your jump across or,
like, block his path with a bomb or something.
-
Or, like--
-
How 'bout an enemy you have to
slash at enough to knock it off the edge.
-
But when you slash him,
he also kinda slashes and knocks you back...
-
like another well-designed enemy
in some other fuckin' game!
-
I just made that up! I didn't even--
-
And it exists... in a good Zelda game!
-
S.S.: Oh man! Enemies in a good Zelda game?
Are you talking about me?
-
ARIN: No. I'm not talking about you.
-
Get outta my house. Go on.
-
I can't be too hard on Skyward Sword.
It at least made bombs bearable to use.
-
You threw a bomb in Link to the Past in four directions.
-
Left, right, up, down.
-
In Ocarina, you have infinity directions.
-
You also have a really vague idea of where it's gonna land.
-
Especially if you're throwing up or down at different elevations.
-
There's so much room for error, it's fuckin' unreal.
-
Z-targeting helps, but what if there are enemies around you that you don't wanna target onto?
-
You just wanna see straight.
You just wanna fight and throw a bomb!
-
Skyward Sword added, like, a throw arc,
but it also added bomb bowl.
-
[echos] Bomb bowl. It added bomb bowl.
-
[distorted] Skyward Sword added bomb bowling.
-
[multiple echoes overlap]
-
[screaming with overlaps] Bomb bowling!
-
Yeah okay, fuck Skyward Sword.
-
It still handles treasure chests... dumb.
-
But to be fair, Ocarina started it.
You know, okay.
-
In each dungeon, Ocarina has a
unique item in a regular old treasure chest.
-
In each dungeon, it just kinda shows up
after a random battle with some enemies.
-
Link to the Past had a giant fuckin' treasure chest
that needed a Big Key to open.
-
The Big Key also opened the door to the boss.
-
There's like a genuine giddiness to finding
a treasure with such a huge implication to it.
-
The Big Key not only gives me amazing new treasure...
-
but also allows me to face off against an incredible boss.
-
The time it takes me to get back to the big treasure is, like, the most fucking suspenseful thing ever.
-
It's like running down the stairs to
get the presents under the Christmas tree.
-
Or--or menorah. Or, like, whatever.
Birthday tree.
-
I often hear that this is a minor point...
-
but it creates an emotional through-line for a dungeon.
-
It establishes an important, consistent relationship with the player and the dungeon.
-
It creates goals. It creates expectations.
-
It creates a good fuckin' game!
-
A treasure chest in and of itself is
a mystery and a sense of suspense.
-
The original Zelda didn't have chests.
-
It just had, like, new items sitting at the end of, like, a long hallway that built up tension.
-
It gave you time to wonder about
what it was and how it worked.
-
Link to the Past added chests,
which was another means to the same goal.
-
You know, building suspense.
It's a fuckin' secret box.
-
You see a present and you're like,
"Oh God, I wanna open it!"
-
Simply walking to the chest is
all the suspense you need.
-
When you arrive, the payoff is instant.
-
It opens up right away when you hit the button.
-
It shows what it is. Done.
-
I know, it may not appear epic,
and it may seem kinda silly and video-gamey...
-
but the feeling of suspense is real and very valid.
-
Ocarina decided to add in bullshit!
-
Link opens up the treasure chest all, like...
-
"What the fuck is... What is this?!
Oh my God, I'm amazed!"
-
Who cares that he's amazed?!
I wanna be amazed!
-
Just show the fuckin' treasure already!
-
I beat the dudes blockin' it!
I climbed the ladder of whatever and got here!
-
Why do I gotta wait?!
-
Just 'cause the game needs to be
all epic and 3D, wooshy-wooshy...
-
'cause of all the graphics and polygons
and whatnot... I gotta wait, like--
-
Look at how many chests I could open in that time!
-
[sped-up flourishes]
-
God, there's so much waiting in Ocarina!
-
You gotta wait for a door to close.
-
You gotta wait for a character to stop talking.
-
You gotta wait for the dialogue box to tell you how to use bombs for the 47th goddamn time!
-
Wait for the switch to make a music tone and open a door across the room.
-
Wait for Link to go flying backwards and then get up off the ground.
-
Wait for bombs to blow up.
-
How fucking long does it take to switch between worlds?!
-
You gotta play the Prelude of Light,
say 'yes', watch the cutscene...
-
walk up to the Master Sword plot,
watch the cutscene...
-
walk out of the Temple of Time...
-
play whatever song brings you
closer to where you wanna go...
-
say 'yes', watch the cutscene...
-
and walk all the way to
where you wanna be!
-
In Link to the Past, you equip a mirror,
press a button, and you're there.
-
[sighs] What the fuck am I doing with my life?
-
I am harshly criticizing Ocarina of Time on the Internet.
-
I'm gonna get crucified!
-
Waiting is the bane of exploration.
-
Why would I wanna explore in a world where I gotta waste useless time just to check a fuckin' room?
-
You should never, ever, ever
hit that point where you're like...
-
"Eh, I'll check that room later."
-
...in a game about checking rooms!
-
I mean, you're exploring a world, right?
-
And then, they decide, "Hey, we're gonna streamline the dungeon process."
-
Guess what? You enter a dungeon.
-
Halfway through, you get an item that helps you through the other half of the dungeon...
-
and then you use that item
on the boss to render it hittable.
-
And then you hit it... with a sword.
Typically in a pattern of three times.
-
But that part can vary.
-
"Ladies and gentlemen,
please exit through the gift shop.
-
Try our Triforce-shaped ice cream bars."
-
Can you please tell me what about this world is interesting
-
if I know, before I even finish the dungeon,
what the boss battle's gonna be?
-
"Oh, I got a slingshot. Maybe I hit some big glowing object with a slingshot.
-
"Oh, a Mirror Shield that lets me reflect light at stuff!
-
Maybe the boss is gonna be a dude that I gotta reflect light at!"
-
Look, I know you can argue that this is actually good game design...
-
but a game where I'm adventuring, and I'm supposed to be excited about what's to come...
-
it's kinda hard to wonder wide-eyed
about something that's so predictable... it hurts.
-
Ooh! Darn! Ooh! Jeez! Argh...
-
And this, like, streamlining process in Ocarina is present even outside the dungeons.
-
Every little piece of this game is just hopping over some roadblock...
-
that needs you to do some specific thing to make it to the next roadblock.
-
It's a game about jumpin' through hoops!
-
Superman 64!
-
"Hey man, there's a closed door.
-
"Find the eye symbol, hit it with a slingshot.
-
"Another closed door,
find a key.
-
"Another closed door,
press a button.
-
Another closed door,
give this dude a letter from Impa!"
-
And again, look, there's some exploring...
-
but a random secret cave in the ground isn't gonna lead you through a complex catacomb with a miniboss at the end.
-
It just won't! It's not gonna happen!
-
You'll fall, you'll get a treasure chest,
go "duh-duh-duh-duhh", and fucking leave!
-
They would not sacrifice their precious formula for a little bit of fun.
-
Link to the Past had a little bit more variety.
-
Sometimes the item you get in a dungeon isn't even a weapon.
-
Sometimes the boss can be defeated with just the fuckin' sword.
-
Sometimes the boss needs to be defeated with an item from a dungeon two dungeons ago.
-
There's one boss that you have to beat him with an item with an item that you don't even get in a dungeon.
-
It still felt like an adventure.
-
Like you had this, like, this arsenal you've been collecting.
-
And you're using it whenever it may be useful.
-
And it may be useful anytime.
-
You gotta be ready for that shit!
-
Original Legend of Zelda had... some dinosaurs.
-
"There's a dinosaur.
-
[tired] "Just look at that... look at that dinosaur.
-
There's a fuckin' dinosaur right there."
-
It's this kind of misdirection of, like, what you should care about in Zelda that really bugs me about Ocarina.
-
Like, let's take its story, for example.
-
Ocarina's story provides you with a context for your quest...
-
that accomplishing this will save this or change this...
-
but it refuses to acknowledge the player's innate sense of wonder and drive to quest and fight.
-
Players wanna fight bosses.
They wanna be rewarded for their efforts.
-
They want to enter a dungeon, see what's inside, and succeed against enemies.
-
But you gotta go put that feeling aside.
-
There are more important matters at hand.
-
The Sheikahs or... the Hylians
or whatever. Save the Hylians.
-
Gorons don't have rocks to eat.
-
That's why you got a quest!
Gorons gotta eat.
-
The fuck are the Gorons?!
I don't even care!
-
And then what we're left with
is what feels like a formality.
-
Dungeons with doors that need to be opened...
-
bosses that are beaten in the same fuckin' manner every time.
-
I think the idea that you're told you're a hero saving a kingdom is at least somewhat unnecessary.
-
When it's an order delivered by the game,
it becomes a task. It's like a job.
-
The message should be in that, as a player...
-
your idea of fun ends up making you a hero.
-
Fighting monsters is what you live for,
and isn't what, say, this fuckin' guy lives for.
-
Why aren't all these other dudes goin' out
and fighting monsters and questing?
-
'Cause they're not heroes!
They don't find it fun.
-
But you, the player, find it fun.
-
You find killing monsters fun.
You find ridding the world of evil things fun.
-
That makes you a hero.
-
Not the dialogue, not the story.
-
A book can tell you the main character's a hero with dialogue.
-
A movie can, too.
-
But a game...
in a game, you can feel it.
-
You can experience it first-hand.
You don't need dialogue.
-
Why was the inclusion of so many semantics necessary?
-
And I don't buy the argument that they're
only there to richen the world with story...
-
because adding those contexts to the situation is devaluing design aspects.
-
The game literally stops for you
to complete some asinine story task.
-
Look, you go to Kakariko Village.
-
You go to the entrance of Death Mountain.
Dude won't let you pass.
-
You go, "What the fuck, man?
-
I wanna go up there! That's what I want to do!"
-
But no, you have to wait for the game to
tell you why you wanna go up there.
-
You know why you wanna go up there!
-
You wanna fight some dudes,
fight a boss, get a cool weapon!
-
But no, you gotta go talk to Zelda...
-
"Oy vey, the world is [garbles]!"
-
And then Impa's like,
"Hey, you know, this is really important.
-
So I'mma give you this note to give to this guy."
-
I don't care! Nobody cares!
-
You seriously just made me waste my time,
press A a bunch of times, so that I could go up there!
-
There's like a fuckin'... [hammers button]
-
There's a tiny wall standing
between me-- I could climb over it!
-
I'm an agile kid.
I could climb the shit outta that!
-
I climb vines all the time!
[distant] No big deal!
-
Purposely misinforming the player about why they should care about what they're doing displaces their values.
-
And it creates a "You can't tell me what to do"
attitude towards the game.
-
And that's the last thing you want a game to do.
-
You don't want a game to nag at you,
especially in a game with an open world!
-
Just look at how many fuckin' people hate Navi and Fi.
-
All they do is nag and tell you what to do.
-
Who the fuck wants to be told what to do?!
-
Am I in a cubicle? Am I sitting
in a cubicle playing a Zelda game? No!
-
See, this is why I think the Master Sword is brilliant,
particularly in Link to the Past...
-
because it's talked about in literal terms.
-
It's a sword that will make you
more powerful and defeat evil.
-
That's what it actually does for you, the player.
-
There's no bullshit about avenging your mother
or saving a village from persecution...
-
or giving Gorons rocks.
-
There's rocks everywhere!
What is wrong with you?!
-
Your whole town is made of rocks,
and you're starving?!
-
The Master Sword is just the sword of evil's bane.
-
Fucking awesome! How exciting is that?
-
A new awesome sword!
Count me the fuck in!
-
[sighs] And don't get me wrong.
-
I don't think a world where people walk and talk is flawed.
-
But having to trigger the ability to explore
by walking and talking is annoying.
-
It's like your mom.
-
"You can't have dessert 'til you eat your peas."
-
"Can't explore the dungeon 'til you play Saria's Song for a Goron."
-
There are ways to involve characters in a story, and not have them be utterly boring and detached from your doing.
-
Why not have a Goron that helps you fight?
-
Goes, "Pppht!", blows shit up while you're doin' stuff.
-
Why not have the Goron stay healthy by eating rocks...
-
and they're slowly becoming rarer
as you progress through the dungeon...
-
and he's on the verge of fatigue.
-
Shit! Don't you wanna get him
some rocks to stay the hell alive?
-
"Let's keep movin' so my friend can live!"
-
See, I'm a video game player.
-
I care about slashing things,
finding things, having an adventure.
-
Not wandering around until I've pressed A at all the right places in the right order for whatever fucking story reason.
-
It's like the longest page turn ever.
-
Imagine you had to walk across your house back and forth three times before you could turn the page in a book you're reading.
-
Gosh, isn't that stupid?
Wouldn't that be retarded?
-
That's what you're fuckin' doing in video games!
-
[sighs] Things just need to be simple.
And what I mean by that is...
-
Link to the Past added a story
to make everything a little more epic.
-
And since it was the same kind of game as the first...
-
the game needed those tropes to come back.
-
All those enemies and elements,
while adding new ones too.
-
But with that, a formula was born.
-
A through-line is important for a series...
-
but when it acts like a Katamari of tropes and elements that can't be forgotten or changed...
-
things start getting sloppy and samey.
-
We get games that become less and less interesting.
-
Shigeru Miyamoto once described his idea for Zelda
-
coming from the feeling he got from wanting to
explore caves near his house as a child.
-
Which led to an amazing game where you explore caves and dungeons, and found wondrous things.
-
The irony is when it came time to make sequels...
-
Nintendo cared more about the things that were found, rather than the mystery itself.
-
There is no mystery in modern Zelda games.
-
S.S.: Hey, man! I'm mysterious!
-
[steam vents]
-
ARIN: God, shut up! Seriously!
-
You want all this attention like you care.
-
Like you really gave it your all in a "new innovative Zelda experience."
-
But instead, you led Zelda into a frustrating monotony.
-
You know, what started the franchise
was, like, the sense of wonder.
-
And what has thus far concluded the franchise is a sense of formality.
-
A predictable, time-consuming mess...
-
that asks you not of your
sense of adventure, or even your wit...
-
but instead, your ability to
listen and follow directions.
-
You ask of us our ability to point something at something else, and then walk towards it.
-
You ask of us our willingness
to get another bow and arrow...
-
fight another boss with another giant glowing eyeball.
-
Gee, I wonder how to fucking beat it!
-
I fucking wonder, Skyward Sword!
-
You ask of us to get a cat from the top of a roof...
-
and carry him over to some guy who says, "Thank you."
-
The Adventures of Link: Cat Delivery Man! Is that your title?!
-
What's the tagline in the ads?!
-
"Cat's out of the bag! And onto the roof! Ten outta ten!
-
"No Wiimote motion issues here that could
possibly cripple the entire experience!
-
Best in the series!"
-
You're like a spoiled rich kid, who gets everything bought for you your entire life.
-
And then when it comes to making it out on your own, you can't take it!
-
You expect everyone to love you,
because you are who you are...
-
part of the "illustrious Zelda lineage".
-
"Nothing could possibly be wrong with you!"
-
You look just like a Zelda,
but you're not one.
-
You're a pampered, doughy snob wearing nice clothes...
-
expecting to graduate scot-free
because your daddy's in a lum.
-
"Why would you need to improve?
Why would you need to get any better?
-
Everyone just agrees with your shitty ideas, because you're a Zelda."
-
Fuck you, Skyward Sword. Fuck you!
-
S.S.: [sniffles] Oh my God...
-
ARIN: [sighs]
-
Now, as I spent 373 thousand years writing this frigging video...
-
a new Zelda game showed up
that made everyone pee their pants.
-
You know, except me.
'Cause I don't do that. It's weird.
-
It was a direct sequel to Link to the Past...
-
taking place in the same aesthetic world of Link to the Past.
-
It's called A Link Between Worlds.
-
[creepily] And I love it!
-
Alright... [sighs]
-
Look, it's worth mentioning that it does have nearly an entire formula ripped from a game.
-
But... it's fun. But why?
-
Well, I feel partly because it has less wait time.
-
But it's mostly because of the new mechanic...
-
which is beautifully integrated to the point of feeling second-nature, like jumping in a Mario game.
-
On top of that, you have nooks and crannies around every turn that contain weird hidden stuff.
-
And there's also this system of "pay for an item"...
-
that adds this interesting value to Rupees that no other Zelda had.
-
Not even Twilight Princess with its stupid weird fuckin' dumbass end-game magic-not-magic armor bullshit.
-
"Wow, look at that. Sure is expensive to die.
-
"Is what we're seeing a commentary on capitalist society and life insurance policies...
-
choking the life out of middle America?" Okay.
-
What's more, nearly every item in
A Link Between Worlds has multiple uses
-
outside from its, you know, intended dungeon use...
-
and has such a broad feel, that they can all be upgraded to be even more useful.
-
You know, while it does eliminate the mystique of finding an item...
-
it allows each dungeon to have a spoil that feels less like it's in tandem with the dungeon.
-
Like it's a treasure that you can enjoy as general adventurer.
-
Not just as a houseguest of fuckin' Mister Vulnerable-for-a-Sec Glowy-Eyeball Mc-Weak-to-Arrows.
-
"Why did I leave my one weakness layin' around my house?
-
"Oh no-- Ow!
-
"Jeez man, that's my glowy eye!
-
I use that to see?"
-
So I think what I've been discussing this whole video
-
doesn't seem like it applies much to this game at first glance...
-
but it absolutely does.
-
This game decided to switch up the Zelda formula from a different angle.
-
And while it doesn't eliminate the Zelda staple items and constant re-use of existing enemies...
-
it does something different in how you interact with all of them.
-
And that something different works.
-
It changed how you explore the world itself...
-
how you find things, and how you figure out things about the world around you.
-
A stupid spinning dumbass top thing doesn't change anything.
-
You find a track in a wall, and then you ride it.
-
It's like a teleporter.
-
But instead of being transported instantly,
you just get there at normal speed.
-
A double dumbass Clawshot doesn't change anything.
-
It just means that instead of having to land on a platform and awkwardly aim to another Clawshot target...
-
you don't have to land on a platform when you awkwardly aim to another Clawshot target. Thank God!
-
But this shit? It changes how you view platforms...
-
their relationship to one another,
how you view distance...
-
how you view the differences between Lorule and Hyrule.
-
It feels like you're exploring a world again!
-
And the things that you find are less important
than the way that you find them.
-
It's back to how it felt before.
-
The reward was the fact that... you did it!
-
Not that you found a thing.
-
And you know what?
-
I think this may be Nintendo's way of easing people into being open-minded about a shift in Zelda.
-
I mean, look at this shit!
-
What? Hyrule Warriors?
What the fuck does that even mean?
-
Look, what the-- What is going on?
-
Holy cr--Oh my God, this big thing.
-
Jeez...what?
-
How could they ruin Zelda?!
-
How could they ruin my favorite video game?!
-
I'm sure it's good.
-
Hey, thanks for listening to me shout my opinion at you for fuckin' 30 minutes!
-
I hope I could make you laugh, and make you think.
-
And not make you angry. 'Cause that wasn't my intention.
-
But, if I did, I'm sorry.
-
GAMER: Now it's time for me to write
my post-emptive counterargument!
-
ARIN: Alright, fine.
-
You watched the video, that's only fair.
-
I mean, I've been throwing my opinion at you for 30 friggin' minutes.
-
Just because you might like Ocarina of Time and I don't...
-
doesn't mean you're not a beautiful person.
-
Because you are. Look at yourself.
-
Ah, I would kiss you...if I could.
-
But I can't. I'm a cartoon.
-
And hey! If you like Sequelitis...
-
you can click that subscribe button right there...
-
and that'll let you know when new Sequelitises are coming out.
-
And hey, I did a Sequelitis before this about Mega Man.
-
You should check it out if you haven't seen it.
-
And if you have seen it...
-
well, you can watch it again, I dunno.
-
And if you like Zelda so much that you gotta watch a whole video series of me playing it...
-
well, go ahead and click that button.
-
You can see my friend Dan and I playing
the HD remake of Wind Waker over here.
-
I know I didn't talk about it in this video, but...
-
maybe I will in another one, hmm?
-
And hey, there's an even newer Zelda
comin' out that they say is open-world.
-
What's the deal with that?
-
What do you think the game's gonna be like?
-
Do you think they're gonna stick to the open world...
-
or you think they're just gonna go back to the Zelda formula?
-
'Cause that would piss me off.
-
I mean, I wouldn't lose sleep over it, but you know...
-
I'd just be a little disappointed, I guess.
It wouldn't piss me off.
-
And now I'm gonna stare at you for a couple seconds.
-
[captions by JS∗ Media]
[jsmedia.tk]
