– I bought something from you last week, and I'm very disappointed.
– Oh yeah? What's the problem?
– Yeah, well, my blackberry is not working.
[laughter, applause]
– What's the matter, it run out of juice?
[laughter]
– No, no, it's completely frozen!
[knocking on table]
– Oh, yeah, I can see that.
I tell you what: let's try it on orange.
[laughter]
– That's got a few black spots, you see...
– Oh, dear, yes. Sorry about that.
– Well, is there anything I can do to get my blackberry working?
– Well, could be an application issue.
Where'd you store that Blackberry?
– Well, it was on my desktop.
– Well, you could try using a mouse to drag the blackberry to the trash.
[laughter]
Then after you've done that,
you might wanna launch the blackberry from the desktop.
[laughter]
– Well, I've already tried that a few times.
I mean, all it did was mess up windows.
[laughter]
– [clears throat] Well, it might be worth waiting a couple of weeks.
They've got the latest blackberries coming in then.
– Well, could you give me a date?
– Certainly.
[laughter]
– Let me put that date in my diary.
[laughter]
– Anything else I can help you with?
– Yes, yes. I've also got a problem, to be honest,
with my apple.
[laughter]
– Oh, dear, oh, dear. That is an old apple, isn't it?
– Yeah. – When'd you buy that?
– Last week.
– Last week? They've brought out two new apples since then!
[laughter]
What's the problem with it?
– Well, I tried to put my dongle in it...
[laughter]
and it won't fit.
– Oh, yeah.
[laughter]
And how big's your dongle?
– Well, I don't know much about these things,
but my wife's seen a few dongles in her time...
[laughter]
and she says a little bit on the small side.
[laughter]
– Well, I'm afraid there's not a lot I can do about that.
Tell you what: let me try booting it.
[glass shatters]
Now it's crashed.
[laughter, applause]
Anything else I can help you with?
– Well, funnily enough, yes.
My grandson's birthday's soon. – Oh, yeah.
– Now, he's already got an apple and a blackberry.
I mean, have you got anything else that he might just like?
– Well, we're doing a special offer on these.
I mean, I can't make head or tail of them,
but the kids seem to like them.
– Oh yeah? – "Eggs box," £3.60.
[laughter]