[Script Info]
Title: 
[Events]
Format: Layer, Start, End, Style, Name, MarginL, MarginR, MarginV, Effect, Text
Dialogue: 0,0:00:09.03,0:00:11.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I grew up with my identical twin,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:12.06,0:00:15.37,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,who was an incredibly loving brother.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:15.37,0:00:19.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Now, one thing about being a twin\Nis it makes you an expert
Dialogue: 0,0:00:20.05,0:00:22.14,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,at spotting favoritism.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:22.78,0:00:28.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,If his cookie was even slightly bigger\Nthan my cookie, I had questions.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:28.80,0:00:31.27,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And clearly I wasn't starving.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:32.56,0:00:35.24,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:00:35.24,0:00:37.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,When I became a psychologist,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:37.36,0:00:40.43,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I began to notice favoritism\Nof a different kind.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:41.15,0:00:45.82,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And that is how much more\Nwe value the body than we do the mind.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:46.28,0:00:51.45,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I spent nine years at University\Nearning my doctorate in Psychology,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:52.34,0:00:56.55,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and I can't tell you how many people\Nlook at my business card and say,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:56.55,0:01:00.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"Oh, a psychologist,\Nso not a real doctor."
Dialogue: 0,0:01:02.78,0:01:05.45,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,As if it should say that on my card.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:05.50,0:01:08.31,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:01:09.37,0:01:13.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,This favoritism we show\Nthe body over the mind,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:13.62,0:01:15.42,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I see it everywhere.\N
Dialogue: 0,0:01:15.69,0:01:18.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I recently was at a friends' house,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:18.08,0:01:20.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and their five-year-old\Nwas getting ready for bed.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:20.56,0:01:23.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,He was standing on a stool\Nby the sink brushing his teeth,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:23.98,0:01:27.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,when he slipped, and scratched his leg\Non the stool when he fell.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:27.87,0:01:30.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,He cried for a minute,\Nbut then he got back up,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:30.80,0:01:34.74,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,got back on the stool\Nand reached out for a box of Band-Aids
Dialogue: 0,0:01:34.74,0:01:37.26,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to put one on his cut.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:37.57,0:01:41.39,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Now this kid could barely\Ntie his shoelaces,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:41.39,0:01:45.59,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but he knew you have to cover a cut,\Nso it doesn't become infected,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:45.59,0:01:49.42,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and you have to care for your teeth\Nby brushing twice a day.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:49.42,0:01:52.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We all know how to maintain\Nour physical health
Dialogue: 0,0:01:52.60,0:01:55.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and how to practice dental hygiene, right?
Dialogue: 0,0:01:55.66,0:01:58.100,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We've known it\Nsince we were five years old.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:58.100,0:02:03.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But what do we know about maintaining\Nour psychological health?
Dialogue: 0,0:02:04.06,0:02:06.18,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Well, nothing.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:06.18,0:02:09.57,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,What do we teach our children\Nabout emotional hygiene?
Dialogue: 0,0:02:10.92,0:02:12.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Nothing.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:12.97,0:02:15.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,How is it we spend more time
Dialogue: 0,0:02:15.64,0:02:19.09,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,taking care our teeth\Nthan we do our minds?
Dialogue: 0,0:02:20.38,0:02:24.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Why is it our physical health\Nis so much more important to us
Dialogue: 0,0:02:24.76,0:02:27.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,than our psychological health?
Dialogue: 0,0:02:27.91,0:02:30.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You know we sustain psychological injuries\N\N
Dialogue: 0,0:02:30.70,0:02:33.25,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,even more often than we do physical ones.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:33.25,0:02:36.93,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Injuries like failure or rejection,\Nor loneliness,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:36.93,0:02:39.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and they can also\Nget worse if we ignore them.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:40.06,0:02:43.27,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And they can impact our lives\Nin dramatic ways.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:43.27,0:02:47.75,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And yet, even though there are\Nscientifically proven techniques
Dialogue: 0,0:02:47.75,0:02:52.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,we could use to treat these kinds\Nof psychological injuries, we don't.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:53.38,0:02:56.72,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It doesn't even occur to us\Nthat we should.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:56.97,0:03:01.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"Oh, you're feeling depressed,\Njust shake it off, it's all in your head."
Dialogue: 0,0:03:01.52,0:03:04.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Can you imagine saying that\Nto somebody with a broken leg,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:04.56,0:03:07.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"Just walk it off, it's all in your leg."
Dialogue: 0,0:03:07.76,0:03:10.01,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:03:10.01,0:03:15.21,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It is time we close the gap between\Nour physical and our psychological health.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:15.27,0:03:18.31,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's time we made them more equal.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:18.31,0:03:20.51,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,More like twins.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:21.35,0:03:24.100,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Speaking of which,\Nmy brother is also a psychologist.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:25.01,0:03:28.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So he's not a real doctor, either.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:28.10,0:03:29.95,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:03:29.95,0:03:31.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We didn't study together, though.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:31.96,0:03:35.82,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,In fact, the hardest thing I've ever done\Nin my life
Dialogue: 0,0:03:36.19,0:03:39.01,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,is move across the Atlantic\Nto New York city
Dialogue: 0,0:03:39.01,0:03:41.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to get my doctorate in psychology.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:41.76,0:03:44.69,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We were apart then,\Nfor the first time in our lives,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:44.69,0:03:48.07,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and the separation\Nwas brutal for both of us.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:48.45,0:03:51.54,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But while he remained\Namong family and friends,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:51.54,0:03:54.18,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I was alone in a new country.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:54.18,0:03:56.45,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We missed each other terribly,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:56.45,0:03:59.47,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but international phone calls\Nwere really expensive then,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:59.47,0:04:03.78,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and we could only afford\Nto speak for 5 minutes a week.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:04.74,0:04:06.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,When our birthday rolled around,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:06.46,0:04:08.83,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,it was the first\Nwe wouldn't be spending together,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:08.83,0:04:10.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,we decide to splurge,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:10.22,0:04:13.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and that week\Nwe would talk for ten minutes.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:13.58,0:04:16.25,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I spent the morning pacing around my room,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:16.25,0:04:18.04,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,waiting for him to call,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:18.04,0:04:19.77,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and waiting,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:20.42,0:04:22.04,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and waiting,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:22.04,0:04:23.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but the phone didn't ring.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:23.98,0:04:26.14,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Given the time difference, I assumed
Dialogue: 0,0:04:26.14,0:04:28.81,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"OK, he's out with friends,\Nhe will call later."
Dialogue: 0,0:04:28.81,0:04:31.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,There were no cell phones then.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:31.46,0:04:33.27,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But he didn't.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:33.27,0:04:38.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And I began to realize,\Nafter being away for over ten months,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:38.08,0:04:41.42,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,he no longer missed me\Nthe way I missed him.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:42.17,0:04:44.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And I knew he would call in the morning,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:44.52,0:04:49.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but that night was one of the saddest\Nand longest nights of my life.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:50.58,0:04:52.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I woke up the next morning,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:52.68,0:04:54.87,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I glanced down at the phone,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:54.87,0:04:57.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and I realized\NI had kicked it off the hook
Dialogue: 0,0:04:57.62,0:04:59.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,when pacing the day before.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:00.85,0:05:02.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I stumbled out of bed,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:02.66,0:05:04.43,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I put the phone\Nback on the receiver,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:04.43,0:05:06.01,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and it rang a second later,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:06.01,0:05:09.33,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and it was my brother,\Nand, boy, was he pissed.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:09.33,0:05:11.53,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:05:11.53,0:05:14.97,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It was the saddest and longest \Nnight of his life as well.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:14.97,0:05:17.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I tried to explain what happened,\Nbut he said,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:17.56,0:05:20.65,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"I don't understand,\Nif you saw I wasn't calling you,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:20.72,0:05:24.89,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,why didn't you just pick up the phone\Nand call me?"
Dialogue: 0,0:05:25.40,0:05:27.03,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,He was right.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:27.03,0:05:29.04,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Why didn't I call him?
Dialogue: 0,0:05:29.40,0:05:34.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I didn't have an answer then,\Nbut I do today, and it's a simple one.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:35.30,0:05:37.41,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Loneliness.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:38.08,0:05:41.93,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Loneliness creates\Na deep psychological wound.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:42.07,0:05:44.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,One that distorts our perceptions
Dialogue: 0,0:05:44.22,0:05:46.65,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and scrambles our thinking,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:46.65,0:05:48.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It makes us believe
Dialogue: 0,0:05:48.00,0:05:51.89,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,those around us care much less\Nthan they actually do.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:51.89,0:05:54.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It makes us really afraid to reach out,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:54.48,0:05:58.61,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,because why set yourself up\Nfor rejection and heartache,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:58.61,0:06:02.27,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,when your heart is already aching\Nmore than you can stand?
Dialogue: 0,0:06:02.47,0:06:05.54,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I was in the grips of real loneliness\Nback then,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:05.54,0:06:08.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but I was surrounded by people all day,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:08.20,0:06:10.34,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,so it never occurred to me.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:10.34,0:06:14.05,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But loneliness, is defined purely,\Nsubjectively.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:14.66,0:06:17.93,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It depends solely on whether you feel
Dialogue: 0,0:06:17.93,0:06:21.42,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,emotionally or socially disconnected\Nfrom those around you.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:21.42,0:06:23.23,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And I did.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:23.69,0:06:26.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,There's a lot research on loneliness\N
Dialogue: 0,0:06:26.32,0:06:28.82,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and all of it is horrifying.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:29.86,0:06:34.13,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Loneliness won't just make you miserable,\Nit will kill you.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:34.14,0:06:35.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I am not kidding.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:35.46,0:06:38.69,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Chronic loneliness increases your\Nlikelihood of an early death
Dialogue: 0,0:06:38.69,0:06:40.79,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,by 14 percent.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:41.10,0:06:42.91,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Fourteen percent.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:43.07,0:06:46.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Loneliness causes high blood pressure,\Nhigh cholesterol,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:46.88,0:06:50.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,it even suppresses\Nthe functioning of your immune system,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:50.62,0:06:54.67,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,making you vulnerable to all kinds\Nof illnesses and diseases.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:54.67,0:06:58.17,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,In fact, scientist have concluded\Nthat taken together,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:58.17,0:07:01.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,chronic loneliness poses\Na significant a risk
Dialogue: 0,0:07:01.99,0:07:06.49,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,for your longterm health and longevity\Nas cigarette smoking.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:06.99,0:07:11.06,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Now, cigarette packs come with warnings\Nsaying, "This could kill you."
Dialogue: 0,0:07:11.10,0:07:13.29,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But loneliness doesn't.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:13.29,0:07:15.23,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And that's why it's so important
Dialogue: 0,0:07:15.23,0:07:18.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,we prioritize our psychological health.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:18.56,0:07:21.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,That we practice emotional hygiene.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:21.90,0:07:24.61,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Because you can't treat\Na psychological wound
Dialogue: 0,0:07:24.61,0:07:26.73,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,if you don't even know you are injured.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:26.73,0:07:28.81,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[Pay attention to emotional pain]
Dialogue: 0,0:07:28.81,0:07:31.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Loneliness isn't the only\Npsychological wound
Dialogue: 0,0:07:31.30,0:07:34.18,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that distorts our perceptions\Nand misleads us.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:34.18,0:07:35.71,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[Failure]
Dialogue: 0,0:07:35.71,0:07:38.13,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Failure does that as well.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:38.13,0:07:42.11,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I once visited a daycare center\Nwhere I saw three toddlers
Dialogue: 0,0:07:42.11,0:07:44.78,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,play with identical plastic toys.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:45.19,0:07:49.49,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You had to slide the red button,\Nand a cute doggy would pop out.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:49.90,0:07:54.54,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,One little girl tried pulling\Nthe purple button, then pushing it,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:54.54,0:07:57.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and then she just sat back\Nand looked at the box
Dialogue: 0,0:07:57.36,0:07:59.45,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,with her lower lip trembling.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:59.45,0:08:02.35,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The little boy next to her,\Nwatched this happen,
Dialogue: 0,0:08:02.35,0:08:04.79,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,then turned to his box,\Nand burst into tears
Dialogue: 0,0:08:04.79,0:08:06.84,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,without even touching it.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:07.13,0:08:10.78,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Meanwhile, another little girl\Ntried everything she could think of
Dialogue: 0,0:08:10.78,0:08:12.75,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,until she slid the red button,
Dialogue: 0,0:08:12.75,0:08:17.43,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the cute doggy popped out,\Nand she squealed with delight.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:17.43,0:08:20.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So three toddlers\Nwith identical plastic toys
Dialogue: 0,0:08:20.62,0:08:23.61,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but with very different\Nreactions to failure.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:24.23,0:08:28.47,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The first two toddlers were perfectly\Ncapable of sliding a red button.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:29.02,0:08:32.18,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The only thing that prevented them\Nfrom succeeding
Dialogue: 0,0:08:32.18,0:08:36.47,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,was their mind tricked them\Ninto believing they could not.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:36.47,0:08:40.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Now, adults get tricked this way\Nas well all the time.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:40.97,0:08:45.45,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,In fact we all have a default set\Nof feelings and beliefs
Dialogue: 0,0:08:45.83,0:08:50.02,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that gets triggered whenever\Nwe encounter frustrations and setbacks.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:50.02,0:08:53.17,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Are you aware of how\Nyour mind reacts to failure?
Dialogue: 0,0:08:53.42,0:08:54.89,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You need to be.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:54.89,0:08:57.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Because if your mind tries to convince you
Dialogue: 0,0:08:57.48,0:08:59.29,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you're incapable of something
Dialogue: 0,0:08:59.29,0:09:00.77,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and you believe it,
Dialogue: 0,0:09:00.77,0:09:04.13,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,then like those two toddlers,\Nyou'll begin to feel helpless,
Dialogue: 0,0:09:04.13,0:09:07.89,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and you'll stop trying too soon\Nor you won't even try at all.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:07.89,0:09:11.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And then you will be even more convinced\Nyou can't succeed.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:11.62,0:09:13.33,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You see, that's why so many people
Dialogue: 0,0:09:13.33,0:09:15.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,function below their actual potential.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:15.86,0:09:19.35,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Because somewhere along the way,\Nsometimes a single failure
Dialogue: 0,0:09:19.35,0:09:21.89,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,convinced them they couldn't succeed,
Dialogue: 0,0:09:21.89,0:09:23.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and they believed it.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:23.48,0:09:26.02,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Once we become convinced of something,
Dialogue: 0,0:09:26.02,0:09:28.63,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,it's very difficult to change our mind.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:28.63,0:09:30.63,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I learned that lesson the hard way.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:30.63,0:09:32.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,When I was a teenager with my brother.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:32.90,0:09:36.51,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We were driving with friends\Ndown a dark road at night,
Dialogue: 0,0:09:36.51,0:09:38.26,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,when the police car stopped us.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:38.26,0:09:41.54,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,There had been a robbery in the area,\Nthey were looking for suspects.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:41.54,0:09:43.05,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The officer approached the car,
Dialogue: 0,0:09:43.05,0:09:45.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and he shined his flashlight\Non the driver.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:45.60,0:09:49.13,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Then on my brother in the front seat,\Nand then on me.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:49.13,0:09:51.74,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And his eyes opened wide, and he said,
Dialogue: 0,0:09:51.74,0:09:54.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"Where have I seen your face before?"
Dialogue: 0,0:09:54.38,0:09:56.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:09:56.46,0:09:59.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And I said, "In the front seat."
Dialogue: 0,0:10:00.44,0:10:03.16,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:10:03.16,0:10:05.51,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But that made no sense to him whatsoever.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:05.51,0:10:07.63,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So now he thought I was on drugs.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:07.63,0:10:09.01,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:10:09.01,0:10:11.41,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So he drags me out of the car,\Nhe searches me,
Dialogue: 0,0:10:11.41,0:10:13.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,he marches me over to the police car,
Dialogue: 0,0:10:13.60,0:10:16.91,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and only when he verified\NI don't have a police record,
Dialogue: 0,0:10:16.91,0:10:20.84,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,could I show him I had a twin\Nin the front seat.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:20.93,0:10:24.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But even as we were driving away,\Nyou could see by the look on his face,
Dialogue: 0,0:10:24.76,0:10:28.25,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,he was convinced\NI was getting away with something.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:29.62,0:10:33.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Our mind is hard to change\Nonce we become convinced.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:33.58,0:10:38.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So it might be very natural to feel\Ndemoralized and defeated after you fail.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:38.71,0:10:42.45,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But you cannot allow yourself\Nto become convinced you can't succeed.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:43.16,0:10:46.04,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You have to fight\Nfeelings of helplessness.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:46.04,0:10:49.04,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You have to gain control\Nover the situation,
Dialogue: 0,0:10:49.07,0:10:53.13,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and you have to break this kind\Nof negative cycle before it begins.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:53.13,0:10:55.23,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[Stop emotional bleeding]
Dialogue: 0,0:10:55.23,0:10:57.37,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Our minds and our feelings,
Dialogue: 0,0:10:57.37,0:11:01.06,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,they are not the trustworthy friends\Nwe thought they were.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:01.06,0:11:03.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,They are more like a really moody friend,
Dialogue: 0,0:11:03.86,0:11:09.03,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,who can be totally supportive one minute,\Nand really unpleasant the next.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:09.03,0:11:11.02,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I once worked with this woman
Dialogue: 0,0:11:11.02,0:11:14.84,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,who after 20 years of marriage\Nand an extremely ugly divorce,
Dialogue: 0,0:11:14.84,0:11:17.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,was finally ready for her first date.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:17.38,0:11:21.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,She had met this guy online,\Nhe seemed nice and successful,
Dialogue: 0,0:11:21.58,0:11:24.71,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and most importantly,\Nhe seemed really into her.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:25.05,0:11:28.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So she was very excited,\Nand she bought a new dress,
Dialogue: 0,0:11:28.08,0:11:31.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and they met at an upscale\NNew York City bar for a drink.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:31.88,0:11:35.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Ten minutes into the date,\Nthe man stands up and says,
Dialogue: 0,0:11:35.80,0:11:38.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"I'm not interested", and walks out.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:38.90,0:11:40.87,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[Rejection]
Dialogue: 0,0:11:40.87,0:11:43.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Rejection is extremely painful.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:44.11,0:11:46.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The woman was so hurt,\Nshe could't move.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:46.44,0:11:48.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,All she could do is call a friend.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:48.66,0:11:53.18,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And here's what the friend said,\N"Well, what do you expect,
Dialogue: 0,0:11:53.18,0:11:56.72,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you have big hips,\Nyou have nothing interesting to say,
Dialogue: 0,0:11:56.72,0:11:59.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,why would a handsome,\Nsuccessful man like that
Dialogue: 0,0:11:59.68,0:12:02.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,ever go out with a loser like you?"
Dialogue: 0,0:12:03.74,0:12:07.24,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Shocking, right,\Nthat a friend could be so cruel.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:07.24,0:12:09.75,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But it would be much less shocking
Dialogue: 0,0:12:09.75,0:12:12.65,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,if I told you it wasn't\Nthe friend who said that.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:12.65,0:12:15.53,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's what the woman said to herself.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:15.53,0:12:18.15,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And that's something we all do.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:18.15,0:12:20.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Especially after a rejection.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:20.20,0:12:23.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We all start thinking of all our faults\Nand all our shortcomings
Dialogue: 0,0:12:23.60,0:12:25.95,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,what we wish we were,\Nwhat we wish we weren't,
Dialogue: 0,0:12:25.95,0:12:27.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,we call ourselves names.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:27.44,0:12:29.81,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Maybe not as harshly,\Nbut we all do it.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:29.84,0:12:34.42,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's interesting that we do, because\Nour self-esteem is already hurting.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:34.95,0:12:38.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Why would we want to go\Nand damage it even further?
Dialogue: 0,0:12:38.38,0:12:41.02,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We wouldn't make a physical injury\Nworse on purpose.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:41.02,0:12:43.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You wouldn't get a cut on your arm\Nand decide,
Dialogue: 0,0:12:43.52,0:12:47.41,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"Oh, I know, I am going to take a knife\Nand see how much deeper I can make it."
Dialogue: 0,0:12:47.41,0:12:50.94,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But we do that with psychological injuries\Nall the time.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:50.94,0:12:54.17,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Why? Because of poor emotional hygiene.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:54.17,0:12:57.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Because we don't prioritize\Nour psychological health.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:57.62,0:12:59.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We know from dozens of studies,
Dialogue: 0,0:12:59.40,0:13:01.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that when your self-esteem is lower,
Dialogue: 0,0:13:01.38,0:13:04.47,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you are more vulnerable\Nto stress and to anxiety,
Dialogue: 0,0:13:04.47,0:13:07.63,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that failures and rejections hurt more,
Dialogue: 0,0:13:07.63,0:13:10.35,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and it takes longer to recover from them.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:10.35,0:13:13.43,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So when you get rejected,\Nthe first thing you should be doing
Dialogue: 0,0:13:13.43,0:13:15.91,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,is to revive your self-esteem,
Dialogue: 0,0:13:15.91,0:13:19.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,not join Fight Club\Nand beat it into a pulp.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:20.00,0:13:22.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,When you are in emotional pain,
Dialogue: 0,0:13:22.46,0:13:25.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,treat yourself with the same compassion
Dialogue: 0,0:13:25.30,0:13:28.21,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you would expect from a truly good friend.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:28.21,0:13:30.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[Protect your self-esteem]
Dialogue: 0,0:13:30.36,0:13:34.04,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We have to catch our unhealthy\Npsychological habits and change them.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:34.13,0:13:38.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,One of the unhealthiest and most common\Nis called rumination.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:39.11,0:13:41.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,To ruminate, means to chew over.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:41.50,0:13:43.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's when your boss yells at you,
Dialogue: 0,0:13:43.64,0:13:46.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,or your professor makes you\Nfeel stupid in class,
Dialogue: 0,0:13:46.52,0:13:49.11,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,or you have a big fight with a friend,
Dialogue: 0,0:13:49.11,0:13:52.93,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and you just can't stop replaying\Nthe scene in your head for days,
Dialogue: 0,0:13:52.93,0:13:55.07,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,sometimes for weeks on end.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:55.07,0:13:58.39,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Now ruminating\Nabout upsetting events in this way
Dialogue: 0,0:13:58.39,0:14:01.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,can easily become a habit,\Nand it's a very costly one.
Dialogue: 0,0:14:01.86,0:14:03.94,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Because by spending so much time
Dialogue: 0,0:14:03.94,0:14:06.82,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,focused on upsetting\Nand negative thoughts,
Dialogue: 0,0:14:06.82,0:14:10.55,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you are actually putting yourself\Nat significant risk for developing
Dialogue: 0,0:14:10.58,0:14:13.63,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,clinical depression, alcoholism,
Dialogue: 0,0:14:13.63,0:14:17.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,eating disorders\Nand even cardiovascular disease.
Dialogue: 0,0:14:17.08,0:14:20.34,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The problem is, the urge to ruminate
Dialogue: 0,0:14:20.34,0:14:24.43,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,can feel really strong, really important,\Nso it's a difficult habit to stop.
Dialogue: 0,0:14:25.12,0:14:27.18,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I know this for a fact.
Dialogue: 0,0:14:27.18,0:14:31.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Because little over a year ago,\NI developed the habit myself.
Dialogue: 0,0:14:31.30,0:14:34.13,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You see my twin brother was diagnosed
Dialogue: 0,0:14:34.13,0:14:37.45,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,with stage III non-Hodgkin's lymphoma.
Dialogue: 0,0:14:37.45,0:14:39.79,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,His cancer was extremly aggressive,
Dialogue: 0,0:14:39.79,0:14:43.04,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,he had visible tumors all over his body.
Dialogue: 0,0:14:43.63,0:14:47.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And he had to start a harsh course\Nof chemotherapy.
Dialogue: 0,0:14:48.49,0:14:52.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And I couldn't stop thinking\Nabout what he was going through,
Dialogue: 0,0:14:52.76,0:14:56.05,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I could't stop thinking\Nabout how much he was suffering.
Dialogue: 0,0:14:57.26,0:15:00.78,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Even though he never complained, not once.
Dialogue: 0,0:15:01.07,0:15:03.82,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,He had this incredibly positive attitude.
Dialogue: 0,0:15:03.82,0:15:06.92,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,His psychological health was amazing.
Dialogue: 0,0:15:06.92,0:15:11.34,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I was physically healthy,\Nbut psychologically I was a mess.
Dialogue: 0,0:15:12.01,0:15:13.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But I knew what to do.
Dialogue: 0,0:15:13.56,0:15:16.93,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Studies tell us\Nthat even a two minute distraction
Dialogue: 0,0:15:16.93,0:15:20.87,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,is sufficient to break the urge\Nto ruminate in that moment.
Dialogue: 0,0:15:21.06,0:15:24.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And so each time I had a worrying,\Nupsetting, negative thought,
Dialogue: 0,0:15:24.30,0:15:28.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I forced myself to concentrate\Non something else until the urge passed.
Dialogue: 0,0:15:28.70,0:15:33.26,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And within one week,\Nmy whole outlook changed,
Dialogue: 0,0:15:33.26,0:15:36.25,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and became more positive\Nand more hopeful.
Dialogue: 0,0:15:36.69,0:15:38.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[Battle negative thinking]
Dialogue: 0,0:15:38.50,0:15:42.65,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Nine weeks after he started chemotherapy,\Nmy brother had a CAT scan,
Dialogue: 0,0:15:42.74,0:15:45.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and I was by his side\Nwhen he got the results.
Dialogue: 0,0:15:45.88,0:15:48.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,All the tumors were gone.
Dialogue: 0,0:15:48.50,0:15:51.65,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,He still had three more rounds\Nof chemotherapy to go.
Dialogue: 0,0:15:51.65,0:15:53.73,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But we knew he would recover. \N
Dialogue: 0,0:15:54.31,0:15:57.72,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,This picture was taken two weeks ago.
Dialogue: 0,0:16:00.68,0:16:03.59,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,By taking action when you're lonely,
Dialogue: 0,0:16:03.60,0:16:06.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,by changing your responses to failure,
Dialogue: 0,0:16:06.60,0:16:09.16,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,by protecting yourself-esteem,
Dialogue: 0,0:16:09.16,0:16:11.65,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,by battling negative thinking,
Dialogue: 0,0:16:11.65,0:16:14.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you won't just heal\Nyour psychological wounds,
Dialogue: 0,0:16:14.96,0:16:18.17,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you will build emotional resilience,\Nyou will thrive.
Dialogue: 0,0:16:19.67,0:16:23.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,A hundred years ago,\Npeople began practicing personal hygiene.
Dialogue: 0,0:16:23.77,0:16:28.42,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And life expectancy rates rose\Nby over fifty percent
Dialogue: 0,0:16:28.42,0:16:30.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,in just a matter of decades.
Dialogue: 0,0:16:30.58,0:16:34.47,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I believe our quality of life\Ncould rise just as dramatically
Dialogue: 0,0:16:34.47,0:16:38.27,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,if we all began practicing\Nemotional hygiene.
Dialogue: 0,0:16:38.84,0:16:42.18,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Can you imagine,\Nwhat the world would be like
Dialogue: 0,0:16:42.18,0:16:44.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,if everyone was psychologically healthier?
Dialogue: 0,0:16:44.48,0:16:48.43,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,If there were less loneliness,\Nand less depression?
Dialogue: 0,0:16:48.43,0:16:51.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,If people knew how to overcome failure?
Dialogue: 0,0:16:51.10,0:16:54.41,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,If they felt better about themselves,\Nand more empowered?
Dialogue: 0,0:16:54.41,0:16:57.65,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,if they were happier, and more fulfilled?
Dialogue: 0,0:16:57.65,0:17:00.83,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I can, because that's the world\NI want to live in,
Dialogue: 0,0:17:02.23,0:17:06.02,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and that's the world\Nmy brother wants to live in as well.
Dialogue: 0,0:17:06.02,0:17:10.65,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,If you just become informed,\Nand change a few simple habits,
Dialogue: 0,0:17:10.65,0:17:14.35,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,well that's the world we can all live in.
Dialogue: 0,0:17:15.07,0:17:16.81,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Thank you very much.
Dialogue: 0,0:17:16.81,0:17:19.57,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Applause)