WEBVTT 00:00:07.741 --> 00:00:09.890 Jessica: Hello Heavy Petters! We're the Luxery-Legays 00:00:09.890 --> 00:00:10.873 I'm Jessica 00:00:10.873 --> 00:00:11.957 Majestic: I'm Majestic 00:00:11.957 --> 00:00:13.908 Jessica: And we're here to talk to you about self love 00:00:13.908 --> 00:00:18.001 because its a very important part of having healthy relationships with others 00:00:18.001 --> 00:00:19.668 but most importantly yourself 00:00:19.668 --> 00:00:22.898 and it's also a really great building block for a lot of the things 00:00:22.898 --> 00:00:25.148 we'll be talking about here at Heavy Petting 00:00:25.148 --> 00:00:30.030 Majestic: Yeah. Its really important to note that self love is not like a one time thing 00:00:30.030 --> 00:00:37.682 its definitely a process and I think its important to remember that 00:00:37.682 --> 00:00:41.315 loving yourself in a world where your body's constantly devalued and scrutinized 00:00:41.315 --> 00:00:44.032 is difficult but its definitely possible 00:00:44.032 --> 00:00:49.633 Everyone will have hard days. I have hard days. Jessica has hard days 00:00:49.633 --> 00:00:53.516 And it doesn't mean that you have to start over, its just part of the journey 00:00:53.516 --> 00:00:58.932 Its really important that when you're trying to love yourself, you bring compassion, 00:00:58.932 --> 00:01:04.615 gentleness, kindness and patience to the table when you're thinking about your self love 00:01:04.615 --> 00:01:09.050 or self loathing. Try not to mean to yourself 00:01:09.050 --> 00:01:12.802 Being mean to yourself when you're trying to love yourself in counter active 00:01:12.802 --> 00:01:14.266 to the process 00:01:14.266 --> 00:01:16.350 Jessica: Let's get started 00:01:16.350 --> 00:01:17.534 Majestic: That's a great idea 00:01:17.534 --> 00:01:21.067 Jessica: Step 1: Be Critical of the Kind of Media You Consume 00:01:21.067 --> 00:01:24.169 Ask yourself. What kind of media do I consume? 00:01:24.169 --> 00:01:31.517 Is it magazines? Is it blogs? Is it Gossip Girl? Is it the newspaper? 00:01:31.517 --> 00:01:36.271 What bodies and lifestyle are being portrayed? Are you reflected there? 00:01:36.271 --> 00:01:40.803 And if so is it empowering or positive? 00:01:40.803 --> 00:01:45.522 Mass media is one of the big ways we learn about the world here in the West and often times 00:01:45.522 --> 00:01:52.819 that media is racist, classist, ableist and doesn't portray a variety of body types and sizes 00:01:52.819 --> 00:01:56.154 Majestic: Our next point is doing a little bit of Spring Cleaning 00:01:56.154 --> 00:02:02.654 Its really important to remember that mainstream media and other types of alternative media 00:02:02.654 --> 00:02:05.836 are often trying to sell you something and I think its important to think about 00:02:05.836 --> 00:02:10.070 whether or not that's something you want to participate in. 00:02:10.070 --> 00:02:17.089 One way to engage in this without disavowing all media ever and being super militant about it 00:02:17.089 --> 00:02:21.137 is to just think critically about the kinds of media you consume 00:02:21.137 --> 00:02:24.689 Sometimes you do want to cut out certain types of media that make you feel bad 00:02:24.689 --> 00:02:29.388 Other times you're like, I love Toddlers and Tiaras, I can't stop watching it 00:02:29.388 --> 00:02:32.538 So that's a reality for some people 00:02:32.538 --> 00:02:35.071 So that brings us to Step #2 00:02:35.071 --> 00:02:37.540 Do Things That Make You Feel Intimate With Your Body 00:02:37.540 --> 00:02:43.392 Jessica: Some great ways to do that are: movement at your own pace/terms/abilities 00:02:43.392 --> 00:02:47.689 this can be swimming, or running if that's your thing 00:02:47.689 --> 00:02:49.671 I like to dance 00:02:49.671 --> 00:02:51.246 Majestic: I like to stretch 00:02:51.246 --> 00:02:57.108 Jessica: Also Intuitive Eating, which we'll put the link below (we made a video about that) 00:02:57.108 --> 00:03:00.806 Sometimes its as simple as putting on lotion 00:03:00.806 --> 00:03:05.073 That's one of my favorite parts of the day 00:03:05.073 --> 00:03:07.351 Besides other things... 00:03:07.351 --> 00:03:14.636 I do like to be mindful of how my body feels and touching all the different parts of my fat body 00:03:14.636 --> 00:03:19.769 I don't know, just being quiet and doing that 00:03:19.769 --> 00:03:26.370 Also another way to touch your body, for those who are more sexual is obviously masturbation 00:03:26.370 --> 00:03:31.319 And that's a really important tool if that's something that you're into 00:03:31.319 --> 00:03:38.118 You can also look at your body in the mirror and start fully clothed 00:03:38.118 --> 00:03:43.087 and work down to being nude. Its important to just be realistic with yourself 00:03:43.087 --> 00:03:46.636 This is what your body looks like and this is who you are 00:03:46.636 --> 00:03:50.204 Just remembering to spend time with that 00:03:50.204 --> 00:03:53.753 Majestic: And I think that you know, these kinds of things like looking at your body 00:03:53.753 --> 00:03:59.287 in the mirror, the more tactile feeling your body, feeling what it feels like in a bunch of different ways 00:03:59.287 --> 00:04:05.421 is really powerful and does connect you to your body in a way that's really important 00:04:05.421 --> 00:04:12.788 I found it really...once I got into body politics, I found that part of it to be very intimidating 00:04:12.788 --> 00:04:17.322 but I do really love those things now and I feel that they're really important part of my self 00:04:17.322 --> 00:04:22.357 love journey. Another thing that you can do is write your body a love letter 00:04:22.357 --> 00:04:26.837 We've both done that. Its a really interesting, really hard process 00:04:26.837 --> 00:04:31.639 So I think that's something you could explore. It can be really healing, it can show you 00:04:31.639 --> 00:04:35.906 the places that your relationship with your body might be a little tenuous 00:04:35.906 --> 00:04:37.489 Its just really interesting 00:04:37.489 --> 00:04:41.466 Jessica: Be really honest because the letter can be just for you 00:04:41.466 --> 00:04:46.158 Majestic: Another thing is challenge your internal narratives about your body's worth and beauty 00:04:46.158 --> 00:04:51.457 That kind of goes hand in hand with when you're looking at yourself in the mirror 00:04:51.457 --> 00:04:55.740 engaging in these practices of self love, or even when you're just getting ready 00:04:55.740 --> 00:05:00.660 Think about what you're saying about yourself and what those internal narratives 00:05:00.660 --> 00:05:01.160 are saying and stop them. Try to counter them with something about how strong or 00:05:01.160 --> 00:05:09.981 beautiful you are if you can. 00:05:09.981 --> 00:05:13.335 We definitely have a boundary for when we're getting ready 00:05:13.335 --> 00:05:18.918 If one of us is having an eyeliner or eyebrow emergency or another person is having 00:05:18.918 --> 00:05:25.456 excessive gender crisis and is taking up a lot of space and doesn't know what to wear 00:05:25.456 --> 00:05:28.767 We kind of just take a step back and try to say a few positive things about ourselves 00:05:28.767 --> 00:05:32.717 and that's really awesome. We're not often taught to do that 00:05:32.717 --> 00:05:35.867 It can be a pretty radical act I think 00:05:35.867 --> 00:05:38.401 Another thing is self care 00:05:38.401 --> 00:05:40.651 Take care of your body and your mental health in ways that feel good 00:05:40.651 --> 00:05:42.568 Think about what you love to do. 00:05:42.568 --> 00:05:48.452 I love to go into my kitchen and mix coconut oil with I don't know other things 00:05:48.452 --> 00:05:51.538 and essential oils and rub it on my body 00:05:51.538 --> 00:05:52.436 Jessica: Take baths 00:05:52.436 --> 00:05:58.719 Majestic: Take baths and have alone time, or watch excessive episodes of Toddlers in Tiaras 00:05:58.719 --> 00:06:01.801 as I'm a gay beauty pageant dad 00:06:01.801 --> 00:06:03.568 Jessica: And I'm a pageant queen 00:06:03.568 --> 00:06:08.436 Majestic: And yeah, just honor your high glitz lifestyle 00:06:08.436 --> 00:06:14.886 Honor your deluxe queen identity in a way that feels really empowering for you 00:06:14.886 --> 00:06:21.686 Jessica: Step #3 is a hard one: Think About How the People In Your Life Make You Feel About 00:06:21.686 --> 00:06:23.954 Yourself and Your Body 00:06:23.954 --> 00:06:32.017 That's hard and complicated. Because for a lot of people 00:06:32.017 --> 00:06:34.413 the people that make you feel really bad about your body/yourselves are your family 00:06:34.413 --> 00:06:39.730 members and that's hard. Its just important to set clear boundaries 00:06:39.730 --> 00:06:45.100 Have adult loving conversations with the people in your life about what they can 00:06:45.100 --> 00:06:47.964 and cannot say about you and your body 00:06:47.964 --> 00:06:53.065 And stick to those and make sure that when that starts to happen 00:06:53.065 --> 00:06:57.280 you give them a chance to immediately stop and then you remove yourself 00:06:57.280 --> 00:07:00.414 Majestic: So another really important thing is saying nice things about other people instead 00:07:00.414 --> 00:07:05.871 of bad things. Like being positive about others helps you be more positive about yourself 00:07:05.871 --> 00:07:10.848 Also when people are saying really negative things about other people, that's usually 00:07:10.848 --> 00:07:14.883 about their own self hatred stuff than the other person 00:07:14.883 --> 00:07:22.315 When Jessica and I go in public, people always stare at us, yell at us, try to take pictures of us 00:07:22.315 --> 00:07:27.695 Sometimes its nice, sometimes its mean, sometimes I'm not really sure what's happening 00:07:27.695 --> 00:07:31.765 But like one that I've been able to navigate the intense hypervisibility that 00:07:31.765 --> 00:07:39.533 comes with us as pair in pubic is, I also look at other people and talk about other people 00:07:39.533 --> 00:07:47.766 but I frame the things that I say with compassion, compliment people, say nice things about them 00:07:47.766 --> 00:07:49.649 I think that's really important also 00:07:49.649 --> 00:07:55.883 Jessica: So also, once you've gotten past these initial stages and you feel more comfortable with this 00:07:55.883 --> 00:08:03.567 you can challenge people when they're body policing or racist or classist or any of these things 00:08:03.567 --> 00:08:08.034 and start engaging people and challenging them to start thinking about what they're saying 00:08:08.034 --> 00:08:13.218 and how what they're saying affects you and the world around them 00:08:13.218 --> 00:08:20.451 Majestic: The other thing is Get Creative About the Way You Present Your Body to the World 00:08:20.451 --> 00:08:22.600 This is going to be really different for everybody. 00:08:22.600 --> 00:08:26.751 Obviously it manifests in very specific ways for us, but it can be something as simple as 00:08:26.751 --> 00:08:29.920 wearing a fancy sweater or just trying something new 00:08:29.920 --> 00:08:31.937 Maybe you want to wear falsies during the day 00:08:31.937 --> 00:08:33.020 Jessica: Or stripes 00:08:33.020 --> 00:08:35.535 Majestic: Get creative and take risks 00:08:35.535 --> 00:08:40.574 It can be a really fun way to be engaging in self love 00:08:40.574 --> 00:08:44.953 Jessica: Its important to remember when you start doing that or really any of this 00:08:44.953 --> 00:08:48.187 to celebrate the small victories. And the big victories 00:08:48.187 --> 00:08:55.321 Celebrating the small things like how you ate something you wanted to eat or you 00:08:55.321 --> 00:08:59.187 didn't wear a sweatshirt to cover your arms 00:08:59.187 --> 00:09:05.620 Just different things to honor that you're taking these steps and that you started this journey 00:09:05.620 --> 00:09:11.624 is really really important because it will encourage you to continue and those small 00:09:11.624 --> 00:09:17.806 victories to you, if you're modelling yourself after someone who's been on this journey for a long time 00:09:17.806 --> 00:09:25.640 is a huge victory for you and was a huge victory for people like you and me 00:09:25.640 --> 00:09:28.974 I remember the first time I wore a pair of pants that fit me 00:09:28.974 --> 00:09:32.357 I remember when I stopped wearing pants because I hate them 00:09:32.357 --> 00:09:37.007 Majestic: I remember when I stopped wearing hoodies in the summer even though I was super hot 00:09:37.007 --> 00:09:38.823 because I was ashamed of my body 00:09:38.823 --> 00:09:41.141 Jessica: That's right, we took that one from real life 00:09:41.141 --> 00:09:45.208 So these things are important. Just be kind to yourself 00:09:45.208 --> 00:09:50.859 Remember to talk to yourself as you would someone you love dearly 00:09:50.859 --> 00:09:55.175 Like you would never tell your Nana the mean things you tell yourself 00:09:55.175 --> 00:09:58.909 Majestic: Or even, treat your body like its a lover 00:09:58.909 --> 00:10:01.142 Whatever that means to you 00:10:01.142 --> 00:10:06.257 Jessica: Knowing you, maybe you have some homework you'd like to give to the viewers 00:10:06.257 --> 00:10:13.075 Majestic: I think homework is really important and for those of you who are willing 00:10:13.075 --> 00:10:17.759 These are some things I would encourage you to go try 00:10:17.759 --> 00:10:19.159 HOMEWORK 00:10:19.159 --> 00:10:21.693 Write a Love Letter to Your Body 00:10:21.693 --> 00:10:26.126 Just sit down for like 5 minutes. It can be a really interesting process 00:10:26.126 --> 00:10:28.009 Another thing is, like we said 00:10:28.009 --> 00:10:29.810 Look at Your Body in The Mirror 00:10:29.810 --> 00:10:32.623 Touch Your Body in Ways That Feel Good 00:10:32.623 --> 00:10:35.761 Take Risks 00:10:35.761 --> 00:10:40.859 Another really important thing that my friend Blaise told me that she was doing with her partner 00:10:40.859 --> 00:10:47.412 is that every day we share 3 things that we appreciate about each other 00:10:47.412 --> 00:10:51.095 and the way that we've modified that to kind of give room for our self love 00:10:51.095 --> 00:10:55.945 has been we also share 3 things that we are grateful for about ourselves 00:10:55.945 --> 00:10:57.278 Get creative 00:10:57.278 --> 00:11:03.512 Think about the ways that you're sexy but also a really good family member or friend 00:11:03.512 --> 00:11:07.095 or how you're really funny or intelligent 00:11:07.095 --> 00:11:10.828 I think that putting that really intentional time into loving yourself every day is 00:11:10.828 --> 00:11:15.245 really powerful and will change your relationship with your body 00:11:15.245 --> 00:11:17.496 Jessica: So. We love you 00:11:17.496 --> 00:11:19.112 Majestic: We love you and good luck 00:11:19.112 --> 00:11:23.211 Let us know how this goes and if you have any questions, let us know 00:11:23.211 --> 00:11:27.397 You can hit us up at HeavyPettingTalkTv.tumblr.com 00:11:27.397 --> 00:11:34.163 Jessica: or Majesstica69@gmail.com 00:11:34.163 --> 00:11:35.964 Majestic: Okay loving you 00:11:35.964 --> 99:59:59.999 Jessica: Byyye