Jessica: Hello Heavy Petters! We're the Luxery-Legays I'm Jessica Majestic: I'm Majestic Jessica: And we're here to talk to you about self love because its a very important part of having healthy relationships with others but most importantly yourself and it's also a really great building block for a lot of the things we'll be talking about here at Heavy Petting Majestic: Yeah. Its really important to note that self love is not like a one time thing its definitely a process and I think its important to remember that loving yourself in a world where your body's constantly devalued and scrutinized is difficult but its definitely possible Everyone will have hard days. I have hard days. Jessica has hard days And it doesn't mean that you have to start over, its just part of the journey Its really important that when you're trying to love yourself, you bring compassion, gentleness, kindness and patience to the table when you're thinking about your self love or self loathing. Try not to mean to yourself Being mean to yourself when you're trying to love yourself in counter active to the process Jessica: Let's get started Majestic: That's a great idea Jessica: Step 1: Be Critical of the Kind of Media You Consume Ask yourself. What kind of media do I consume? Is it magazines? Is it blogs? Is it Gossip Girl? Is it the newspaper? What bodies and lifestyle are being portrayed? Are you reflected there? And if so is it empowering or positive? Mass media is one of the big ways we learn about the world here in the West and often times that media is racist, classist, ableist and doesn't portray a variety of body types and sizes Majestic: Our next point is doing a little bit of Spring Cleaning Its really important to remember that mainstream media and other types of alternative media are often trying to sell you something and I think its important to think about whether or not that's something you want to participate in. One way to engage in this without disavowing all media ever and being super militant about it is to just think critically about the kinds of media you consume Sometimes you do want to cut out certain types of media that make you feel bad Other times you're like, I love Toddlers and Tiaras, I can't stop watching it So that's a reality for some people So that brings us to Step #2 Do Things That Make You Feel Intimate With Your Body Jessica: Some great ways to do that are: movement at your own pace/terms/abilities this can be swimming, or running if that's your thing I like to dance Majestic: I like to stretch Jessica: Also Intuitive Eating, which we'll put the link below (we made a video about that) Sometimes its as simple as putting on lotion That's one of my favorite parts of the day Besides other things... I do like to be mindful of how my body feels and touching all the different parts of my fat body I don't know, just being quiet and doing that Also another way to touch your body, for those who are more sexual is obviously masturbation And that's a really important tool if that's something that you're into You can also look at your body in the mirror and start fully clothed and work down to being nude. Its important to just be realistic with yourself This is what your body looks like and this is who you are Just remembering to spend time with that Majestic: And I think that you know, these kinds of things like looking at your body in the mirror, the more tactile feeling your body, feeling what it feels like in a bunch of different ways is really powerful and does connect you to your body in a way that's really important I found it really...once I got into body politics, I found that part of it to be very intimidating but I do really love those things now and I feel that they're really important part of my self love journey. Another thing that you can do is write your body a love letter We've both done that. Its a really interesting, really hard process So I think that's something you could explore. It can be really healing, it can show you the places that your relationship with your body might be a little tenuous Its just really interesting Jessica: Be really honest because the letter can be just for you Majestic: Another thing is challenge your internal narratives about your body's worth and beauty That kind of goes hand in hand with when you're looking at yourself in the mirror engaging in these practices of self love, or even when you're just getting ready Think about what you're saying about yourself and what those internal narratives are saying and stop them. Try to counter them with something about how strong or beautiful you are if you can. We definitely have a boundary for when we're getting ready If one of us is having an eyeliner or eyebrow emergency or another person is having excessive gender crisis and is taking up a lot of space and doesn't know what to wear We kind of just take a step back and try to say a few positive things about ourselves and that's really awesome. We're not often taught to do that It can be a pretty radical act I think Another thing is self care Take care of your body and your mental health in ways that feel good Think about what you love to do. I love to go into my kitchen and mix coconut oil with I don't know other things and essential oils and rub it on my body Jessica: Take baths Majestic: Take baths and have alone time, or watch excessive episodes of Toddlers in Tiaras as I'm a gay beauty pageant dad Jessica: And I'm a pageant queen Majestic: And yeah, just honor your high glitz lifestyle Honor your deluxe queen identity in a way that feels really empowering for you Jessica: Step #3 is a hard one: Think About How the People In Your Life Make You Feel About Yourself and Your Body That's hard and complicated. Because for a lot of people the people that make you feel really bad about your body/yourselves are your family members and that's hard. Its just important to set clear boundaries Have adult loving conversations with the people in your life about what they can and cannot say about you and your body And stick to those and make sure that when that starts to happen you give them a chance to immediately stop and then you remove yourself Majestic: So another really important thing is saying nice things about other people instead of bad things. Like being positive about others helps you be more positive about yourself Also when people are saying really negative things about other people, that's usually about their own self hatred stuff than the other person When Jessica and I go in public, people always stare at us, yell at us, try to take pictures of us Sometimes its nice, sometimes its mean, sometimes I'm not really sure what's happening But like one that I've been able to navigate the intense hypervisibility that comes with us as pair in pubic is, I also look at other people and talk about other people but I frame the things that I say with compassion, compliment people, say nice things about them I think that's really important also Jessica: So also, once you've gotten past these initial stages and you feel more comfortable with this you can challenge people when they're body policing or racist or classist or any of these things and start engaging people and challenging them to start thinking about what they're saying and how what they're saying affects you and the world around them Majestic: The other thing is Get Creative About the Way You Present Your Body to the World This is going to be really different for everybody. Obviously it manifests in very specific ways for us, but it can be something as simple as wearing a fancy sweater or just trying something new Maybe you want to wear falsies during the day Jessica: Or stripes Majestic: Get creative and take risks It can be a really fun way to be engaging in self love Jessica: Its important to remember when you start doing that or really any of this to celebrate the small victories. And the big victories Celebrating the small things like how you ate something you wanted to eat or you didn't wear a sweatshirt to cover your arms Just different things to honor that you're taking these steps and that you started this journey is really really important because it will encourage you to continue and those small victories to you, if you're modelling yourself after someone who's been on this journey for a long time is a huge victory for you and was a huge victory for people like you and me I remember the first time I wore a pair of pants that fit me I remember when I stopped wearing pants because I hate them Majestic: I remember when I stopped wearing hoodies in the summer even though I was super hot because I was ashamed of my body Jessica: That's right, we took that one from real life So these things are important. Just be kind to yourself Remember to talk to yourself as you would someone you love dearly Like you would never tell your Nana the mean things you tell yourself Majestic: Or even, treat your body like its a lover Whatever that means to you Jessica: Knowing you, maybe you have some homework you'd like to give to the viewers Majestic: I think homework is really important and for those of you who are willing These are some things I would encourage you to go try HOMEWORK Write a Love Letter to Your Body Just sit down for like 5 minutes. It can be a really interesting process Another thing is, like we said Look at Your Body in The Mirror Touch Your Body in Ways That Feel Good Take Risks Another really important thing that my friend Blaise told me that she was doing with her partner is that every day we share 3 things that we appreciate about each other and the way that we've modified that to kind of give room for our self love has been we also share 3 things that we are grateful for about ourselves Get creative Think about the ways that you're sexy but also a really good family member or friend or how you're really funny or intelligent I think that putting that really intentional time into loving yourself every day is really powerful and will change your relationship with your body Jessica: So. We love you Majestic: We love you and good luck Let us know how this goes and if you have any questions, let us know You can hit us up at HeavyPettingTalkTv.tumblr.com Jessica: or Majesstica69@gmail.com Majestic: Okay loving you Jessica: Byyye