Jessica: Hello Heavy Petters! We're the Luxery-Legays
I'm Jessica
Majestic: I'm Majestic
Jessica: And we're here to talk to you about self love
because its a very important part of having healthy relationships with others
but most importantly yourself
and it's also a really great building block for a lot of the things
we'll be talking about here at Heavy Petting
Majestic: Yeah. Its really important to note that self love is not like a one time thing
its definitely a process and I think its important to remember that
loving yourself in a world where your body's constantly devalued and scrutinized
is difficult but its definitely possible
Everyone will have hard days. I have hard days. Jessica has hard days
And it doesn't mean that you have to start over, its just part of the journey
Its really important that when you're trying to love yourself, you bring compassion,
gentleness, kindness and patience to the table when you're thinking about your self love
or self loathing. Try not to mean to yourself
Being mean to yourself when you're trying to love yourself in counter active
to the process
Jessica: Let's get started
Majestic: That's a great idea
Jessica: Step 1: Be Critical of the Kind of Media You Consume
Ask yourself. What kind of media do I consume?
Is it magazines? Is it blogs? Is it Gossip Girl? Is it the newspaper?
What bodies and lifestyle are being portrayed? Are you reflected there?
And if so is it empowering or positive?
Mass media is one of the big ways we learn about the world here in the West and often times
that media is racist, classist, ableist and doesn't portray a variety of body types and sizes
Majestic: Our next point is doing a little bit of Spring Cleaning
Its really important to remember that mainstream media and other types of alternative media
are often trying to sell you something and I think its important to think about
whether or not that's something you want to participate in.
One way to engage in this without disavowing all media ever and being super militant about it
is to just think critically about the kinds of media you consume
Sometimes you do want to cut out certain types of media that make you feel bad
Other times you're like, I love Toddlers and Tiaras, I can't stop watching it
So that's a reality for some people
So that brings us to Step #2
Do Things That Make You Feel Intimate With Your Body
Jessica: Some great ways to do that are: movement at your own pace/terms/abilities
this can be swimming, or running if that's your thing
I like to dance
Majestic: I like to stretch
Jessica: Also Intuitive Eating, which we'll put the link below (we made a video about that)
Sometimes its as simple as putting on lotion
That's one of my favorite parts of the day
Besides other things...
I do like to be mindful of how my body feels and touching all the different parts of my fat body
I don't know, just being quiet and doing that
Also another way to touch your body, for those who are more sexual is obviously masturbation
And that's a really important tool if that's something that you're into
You can also look at your body in the mirror and start fully clothed
and work down to being nude. Its important to just be realistic with yourself
This is what your body looks like and this is who you are
Just remembering to spend time with that
Majestic: And I think that you know, these kinds of things like looking at your body
in the mirror, the more tactile feeling your body, feeling what it feels like in a bunch of different ways
is really powerful and does connect you to your body in a way that's really important
I found it really...once I got into body politics, I found that part of it to be very intimidating
but I do really love those things now and I feel that they're really important part of my self
love journey. Another thing that you can do is write your body a love letter
We've both done that. Its a really interesting, really hard process
So I think that's something you could explore. It can be really healing, it can show you
the places that your relationship with your body might be a little tenuous
Its just really interesting
Jessica: Be really honest because the letter can be just for you
Majestic: Another thing is challenge your internal narratives about your body's worth and beauty
That kind of goes hand in hand with when you're looking at yourself in the mirror
engaging in these practices of self love, or even when you're just getting ready
Think about what you're saying about yourself and what those internal narratives
are saying and stop them. Try to counter them with something about how strong or
beautiful you are if you can.
We definitely have a boundary for when we're getting ready
If one of us is having an eyeliner or eyebrow emergency or another person is having
excessive gender crisis and is taking up a lot of space and doesn't know what to wear
We kind of just take a step back and try to say a few positive things about ourselves
and that's really awesome. We're not often taught to do that
It can be a pretty radical act I think
Another thing is self care
Take care of your body and your mental health in ways that feel good
Think about what you love to do.
I love to go into my kitchen and mix coconut oil with I don't know other things
and essential oils and rub it on my body
Jessica: Take baths
Majestic: Take baths and have alone time, or watch excessive episodes of Toddlers in Tiaras
as I'm a gay beauty pageant dad
Jessica: And I'm a pageant queen
Majestic: And yeah, just honor your high glitz lifestyle
Honor your deluxe queen identity in a way that feels really empowering for you
Jessica: Step #3 is a hard one: Think About How the People In Your Life Make You Feel About
Yourself and Your Body
That's hard and complicated. Because for a lot of people
the people that make you feel really bad about your body/yourselves are your family
members and that's hard. Its just important to set clear boundaries
Have adult loving conversations with the people in your life about what they can
and cannot say about you and your body
And stick to those and make sure that when that starts to happen
you give them a chance to immediately stop and then you remove yourself
Majestic: So another really important thing is saying nice things about other people instead
of bad things. Like being positive about others helps you be more positive about yourself
Also when people are saying really negative things about other people, that's usually
about their own self hatred stuff than the other person
When Jessica and I go in public, people always stare at us, yell at us, try to take pictures of us
Sometimes its nice, sometimes its mean, sometimes I'm not really sure what's happening
But like one that I've been able to navigate the intense hypervisibility that
comes with us as pair in pubic is, I also look at other people and talk about other people
but I frame the things that I say with compassion, compliment people, say nice things about them
I think that's really important also
Jessica: So also, once you've gotten past these initial stages and you feel more comfortable with this
you can challenge people when they're body policing or racist or classist or any of these things
and start engaging people and challenging them to start thinking about what they're saying
and how what they're saying affects you and the world around them
Majestic: The other thing is Get Creative About the Way You Present Your Body to the World
This is going to be really different for everybody.
Obviously it manifests in very specific ways for us, but it can be something as simple as
wearing a fancy sweater or just trying something new
Maybe you want to wear falsies during the day
Jessica: Or stripes
Majestic: Get creative and take risks
It can be a really fun way to be engaging in self love
Jessica: Its important to remember when you start doing that or really any of this
to celebrate the small victories. And the big victories
Celebrating the small things like how you ate something you wanted to eat or you
didn't wear a sweatshirt to cover your arms
Just different things to honor that you're taking these steps and that you started this journey
is really really important because it will encourage you to continue and those small
victories to you, if you're modelling yourself after someone who's been on this journey for a long time
is a huge victory for you and was a huge victory for people like you and me
I remember the first time I wore a pair of pants that fit me
I remember when I stopped wearing pants because I hate them
Majestic: I remember when I stopped wearing hoodies in the summer even though I was super hot
because I was ashamed of my body
Jessica: That's right, we took that one from real life
So these things are important. Just be kind to yourself
Remember to talk to yourself as you would someone you love dearly
Like you would never tell your Nana the mean things you tell yourself
Majestic: Or even, treat your body like its a lover
Whatever that means to you
Jessica: Knowing you, maybe you have some homework you'd like to give to the viewers
Majestic: I think homework is really important and for those of you who are willing
These are some things I would encourage you to go try
HOMEWORK
Write a Love Letter to Your Body
Just sit down for like 5 minutes. It can be a really interesting process
Another thing is, like we said
Look at Your Body in The Mirror
Touch Your Body in Ways That Feel Good
Take Risks
Another really important thing that my friend Blaise told me that she was doing with her partner
is that every day we share 3 things that we appreciate about each other
and the way that we've modified that to kind of give room for our self love
has been we also share 3 things that we are grateful for about ourselves
Get creative
Think about the ways that you're sexy but also a really good family member or friend
or how you're really funny or intelligent
I think that putting that really intentional time into loving yourself every day is
really powerful and will change your relationship with your body
Jessica: So. We love you
Majestic: We love you and good luck
Let us know how this goes and if you have any questions, let us know
You can hit us up at HeavyPettingTalkTv.tumblr.com
Jessica: or Majesstica69@gmail.com
Majestic: Okay loving you
Jessica: Byyye