WEBVTT

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okay, I'm gonna start this video off by saying

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every story that I'm about to tell is a 100% real

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why does this stuff happened to me? I don't know

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some crazy fat lady on Santa Monica Boulevard told me

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it was because mercury was on retrograde, I don't know what that means

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but I trust her because she is wearing a moo moo and that's my life motherf<i>cking goal b</i>tch

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god, If I could just wear a moo moo out in public and not have to deal

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anyways, uh yes, this week I had had, I'm not kidding you, every fcking day, a terrifying experience in an uber

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now for those of you who don't know what an uber is, an uber is like a taxi except anyone can drive one

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and it's horrible, your car break down? don't have a license? don't have enough money for gas?

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don't worry about it a serial killer will be picking you up in five minutes,

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or if you order a uber SUV it'll be a serial killer/a guy who pins on the side.

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so where do I start? Okay I'll start with the reason why I was ubering

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I was too lazy to get gas, no, my car was having some issues and I was too lazy to get gas.

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but you don't understand okay? the gas stations around my neighborhood are confusing and

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it's hard to get in there and I'm not making this any easier. Okay I'm a little btch alright?

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and sometimes I'm afraid that I'mma be popping gas and it's gonna explode,

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cause I heard that if you have a staticy hair due and you touch a gas pump it might combust

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this isn't about my issue, this is about my issues with the world so lets continue

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so monday I decided to get un uber, I was like, you know what I'mma go to work in an uber

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I'm just gonna do my emails on the backseat on my laptop, I'mma like have some me time

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so I ordered an über and it says it'll be here in 5 minutes

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I'm waiting waiting waiting, 5 minutes goes by, 7 minutes goes by, 8 minutes goes by

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so I get a called from the guy. Hello. Hi who is this?

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by the way, on the phone it told me that my uber guy's name was Randolph

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Continue

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this is uhm... Mike. Uhh your name on the app says Randolph?

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oh yeah no yeah no it's uh Rudolph, Randolph whatever