[Script Info]
Title: 
[Events]
Format: Layer, Start, End, Style, Name, MarginL, MarginR, MarginV, Effect, Text
Dialogue: 0,0:00:20.62,0:00:21.75,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,okay, I'm gonna start this video off by saying
Dialogue: 0,0:00:21.75,0:00:25.13,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,every story that I'm about to tell is a 100% real
Dialogue: 0,0:00:25.14,0:00:27.89,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,why does this stuff happened to me? I don't know
Dialogue: 0,0:00:27.89,0:00:30.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,some crazy fat lady on Santa Monica Boulevard told me
Dialogue: 0,0:00:30.48,0:00:34.07,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,it was because mercury was on retrograde, I don't know what that means
Dialogue: 0,0:00:34.07,0:00:37.81,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but I trust her because she is wearing a moo moo and that's my life motherf{\i1}cking goal b{\i0}tch
Dialogue: 0,0:00:37.82,0:00:41.07,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,god, If I could just wear a moo moo out in public and not have to deal
Dialogue: 0,0:00:41.07,0:00:49.05,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,anyways, uh yes, this week I had had, I'm not kidding you, every fcking day, a terrifying experience in an uber
Dialogue: 0,0:00:49.06,0:00:54.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,now for those of you who don't know what an uber is, an uber is like a taxi except anyone can drive one
Dialogue: 0,0:00:54.96,0:00:59.43,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and it's horrible, your car break down? don't have a license? don't have enough money for gas?
Dialogue: 0,0:00:59.43,0:01:03.45,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,don't worry about it a serial killer will be picking you up in five minutes,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:03.45,0:01:08.59,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,or if you order a uber SUV it'll be a serial killer/a guy who pins on the side.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:08.59,0:01:12.18,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,so where do I start? Okay I'll start with the reason why I was ubering
Dialogue: 0,0:01:12.18,0:01:18.79,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I was too lazy to get gas, no, my car was having some issues and I was too lazy to get gas.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:18.79,0:01:22.79,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but you don't understand okay? the gas stations around my neighborhood are confusing and
Dialogue: 0,0:01:22.79,0:01:28.72,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,it's hard to get in there and I'm not making this any easier. Okay I'm a little btch alright?
Dialogue: 0,0:01:28.72,0:01:31.79,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and sometimes I'm afraid that I'mma be popping gas and it's gonna explode,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:31.79,0:01:35.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,cause I heard that if you have a staticy hair due and you touch a gas pump it might combust
Dialogue: 0,0:01:35.58,0:01:39.03,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,this isn't about my issue, this is about my issues with the world so lets continue
Dialogue: 0,0:01:39.03,0:01:42.65,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,so monday I decided to get un uber, I was like, you know what I'mma go to work in an uber
Dialogue: 0,0:01:42.65,0:01:46.65,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I'm just gonna do my emails on the backseat on my laptop, I'mma like have some me time
Dialogue: 0,0:01:46.65,0:01:49.55,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,so I ordered an über and it says it'll be here in 5 minutes
Dialogue: 0,0:01:49.55,0:01:55.02,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I'm waiting waiting waiting, 5 minutes goes by, 7 minutes goes by, 8 minutes goes by
Dialogue: 0,0:01:55.05,0:01:58.63,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,so I get a called from the guy. Hello. Hi who is this?
Dialogue: 0,0:01:58.63,0:02:03.02,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,by the way, on the phone it told me that my uber guy's name was Randolph
Dialogue: 0,0:02:03.02,0:02:03.27,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Continue
Dialogue: 0,0:02:03.27,0:02:08.01,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,this is uhm... Mike. Uhh your name on the app says Randolph?
Dialogue: 0,0:02:08.01,0:02:12.31,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,oh yeah no yeah no it's uh Rudolph, Randolph whatever