okay, I'm gonna start this video off by saying
every story that I'm about to tell is a 100% real
why does this stuff happened to me? I don't know
some crazy fat lady on Santa Monica Boulevard told me
it was because mercury was on retrograde, I don't know what that means
but I trust her because she is wearing a moo moo and that's my life motherfcking goal btch
god, If I could just wear a moo moo out in public and not have to deal
anyways, uh yes, this week I had had, I'm not kidding you, every fcking day, a terrifying experience in an uber
now for those of you who don't know what an uber is, an uber is like a taxi except anyone can drive one
and it's horrible, your car break down? don't have a license? don't have enough money for gas?
don't worry about it a serial killer will be picking you up in five minutes,
or if you order a uber SUV it'll be a serial killer/a guy who pins on the side.
so where do I start? Okay I'll start with the reason why I was ubering
I was too lazy to get gas, no, my car was having some issues and I was too lazy to get gas.
but you don't understand okay? the gas stations around my neighborhood are confusing and
it's hard to get in there and I'm not making this any easier. Okay I'm a little btch alright?
and sometimes I'm afraid that I'mma be popping gas and it's gonna explode,
cause I heard that if you have a staticy hair due and you touch a gas pump it might combust
this isn't about my issue, this is about my issues with the world so lets continue
so monday I decided to get un uber, I was like, you know what I'mma go to work in an uber
I'm just gonna do my emails on the backseat on my laptop, I'mma like have some me time
so I ordered an über and it says it'll be here in 5 minutes
I'm waiting waiting waiting, 5 minutes goes by, 7 minutes goes by, 8 minutes goes by
so I get a called from the guy. Hello. Hi who is this?
by the way, on the phone it told me that my uber guy's name was Randolph
Continue
this is uhm... Mike. Uhh your name on the app says Randolph?
oh yeah no yeah no it's uh Rudolph, Randolph whatever