[Script Info] Title: [Events] Format: Layer, Start, End, Style, Name, MarginL, MarginR, MarginV, Effect, Text Dialogue: 0,0:00:16.22,0:00:18.92,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,He's gonna take you back to the past Dialogue: 0,0:00:20.40,0:00:23.09,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,To play the shitty games that suck ass Dialogue: 0,0:00:23.09,0:00:31.43,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,He'd rather have a buffalo take a diarrhea dump in his ear Dialogue: 0,0:00:31.43,0:00:40.02,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,He'd rather eat the rotten asshole of a roadkill skunk and down it with beer Dialogue: 0,0:00:40.02,0:00:44.23,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,He's the angriest gamer you've ever heard Dialogue: 0,0:00:44.23,0:00:48.45,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,He's the Angry Nintendo Nerd Dialogue: 0,0:00:48.45,0:00:52.78,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,He's the Angry Atari Sega Nerd Dialogue: 0,0:00:52.78,0:00:57.92,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,He's the Angry Video Game Nerd Dialogue: 0,0:01:06.71,0:01:11.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Pong. A simple word. A simple idea. It's just Pong. Dialogue: 0,0:01:11.58,0:01:14.92,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It was one of the first video arcades from 1972. Dialogue: 0,0:01:14.92,0:01:19.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,A simple screen mounted inside what looked like a carved treestump. Dialogue: 0,0:01:19.68,0:01:24.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You could call this the wooden age of video games, when everything was made of wood, Dialogue: 0,0:01:24.00,0:01:29.51,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and two people playing tennis looked like two glowsticks batting a square ball back and forth. Dialogue: 0,0:01:29.51,0:01:31.95,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Yeah, this was before circles were invented. Dialogue: 0,0:01:32.58,0:01:37.24,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,In spite of its simplicity, it's a fun and addicting game, even to this day. Dialogue: 0,0:01:38.08,0:01:42.01,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I thought it was fun. Apparently, people thought so too, back then. Dialogue: 0,0:01:42.01,0:01:46.31,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,That's why they made a home Pong console, so you could play it at home. Dialogue: 0,0:01:46.31,0:01:48.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And then, there was another one! Dialogue: 0,0:01:48.50,0:01:49.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And another one! Dialogue: 0,0:01:50.01,0:01:50.54,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And another one! Dialogue: 0,0:01:51.62,0:01:52.21,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And another one! Dialogue: 0,0:01:53.08,0:01:53.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And another one! Dialogue: 0,0:01:54.48,0:01:55.35,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And another one! Dialogue: 0,0:01:55.84,0:01:58.93,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,There was like, nine million fucking Pong consoles! Dialogue: 0,0:02:00.04,0:02:05.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,A Pong console can refer to any game system made in the '70s that didn't utilize cartridges. Dialogue: 0,0:02:05.40,0:02:09.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Instead, they had one built-in game, which was Pong. Dialogue: 0,0:02:09.00,0:02:13.03,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Sometimes, they included different variations, certain kinds of updates, Dialogue: 0,0:02:13.03,0:02:19.17,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but it's mind-blowing to think that such a simple game could have inspired so many pieces of hardware to play it. Dialogue: 0,0:02:19.17,0:02:25.81,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So, just for shits and giggles, we're gonna take a look at all the Pong consoles which I happen to own. Dialogue: 0,0:02:25.81,0:02:30.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,This right here is the Tournament 1000 by Unisonic. Dialogue: 0,0:02:30.36,0:02:36.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Unfortunately, this one doesn't work, but with game consoles this old, that's something you have to expect. Dialogue: 0,0:02:36.50,0:02:41.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,From what we can assume, you can select between four different kinds of Pong. Dialogue: 0,0:02:41.20,0:02:45.42,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And over here, it looks like the game didn't even have the technology of keeping score, Dialogue: 0,0:02:45.42,0:02:47.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,so you have to do it manually, which is pretty shitty. Dialogue: 0,0:02:47.98,0:02:50.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Even the most basic Pong games kept score. Dialogue: 0,0:02:50.86,0:02:53.39,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The controllers slide out right here. Dialogue: 0,0:02:53.39,0:02:56.26,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Now that's what you call "a basic controller". Dialogue: 0,0:02:56.54,0:03:00.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Next, the APF TV Fun. That's a great name, isn't it? Dialogue: 0,0:03:00.64,0:03:04.93,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The console's got that wooden paneling, and it's shaped like some kind of spaceship. Dialogue: 0,0:03:04.93,0:03:09.59,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The controllers are like cylinders. You move the paddle by turning this thing right here. Dialogue: 0,0:03:09.59,0:03:11.72,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,This game is your basic Pong. Dialogue: 0,0:03:11.72,0:03:14.45,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,This little switch here changes the type of Pong. Dialogue: 0,0:03:14.45,0:03:19.65,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,One thing that's typical about Pong consoles is that the sound effects never come through the TV. Dialogue: 0,0:03:19.65,0:03:22.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,They come from a built-in speaker on the console itself. Dialogue: 0,0:03:22.80,0:03:27.45,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I guess you can say it's similar to the Wiimote, how certain sound effects come out of it. Dialogue: 0,0:03:27.45,0:03:32.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Next, the Wonder Wizard. Looks like a slab of wood with game dials thrown on it. Dialogue: 0,0:03:32.22,0:03:38.53,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It was literally built from a Magnavox Odyssey, using the same circuit board and part of the plastic casing. Dialogue: 0,0:03:38.53,0:03:41.33,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Also, it uses the same video connector. Dialogue: 0,0:03:41.33,0:03:48.49,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's the most bizarre thing I've ever seen, and as far to my knowledge, it only exists on the Odyssey and the Wonder Wizard. Dialogue: 0,0:03:48.49,0:03:53.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,This might be a good time to bring up that most of these old consoles have a connector that looks like this. Dialogue: 0,0:03:53.70,0:03:58.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You have to plug them into a box and then screw the box into your TV. Dialogue: 0,0:03:58.10,0:04:00.43,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But I say get yourself one of these, Dialogue: 0,0:04:00.43,0:04:03.02,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But I say get yourself one of these, plug it into the coaxial input on your TV, Dialogue: 0,0:04:03.02,0:04:04.31,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But I say get yourself one of these, plug it into the coaxial input on your TV, plug the game in, Dialogue: 0,0:04:04.31,0:04:07.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But I say get yourself one of these, plug it into the coaxial input on your TV, plug the game in, and tell that box to go fuck itself! Dialogue: 0,0:04:07.30,0:04:11.09,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,However, the Odyssey and Wonder Wizard, with this fucking weird shit, Dialogue: 0,0:04:11.09,0:04:13.23,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you have no choice but to use a box. Dialogue: 0,0:04:13.23,0:04:17.06,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And even worse, it has to be a special box that takes this crap. Dialogue: 0,0:04:17.06,0:04:20.61,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And after all that, you're lucky if the picture comes in clear! Dialogue: 0,0:04:20.61,0:04:23.91,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Channel 3, channel 4, what the fuck? Dialogue: 0,0:04:23.92,0:04:28.47,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The left paddle won't stop flickering, and the right paddle doesn't even exist! Dialogue: 0,0:04:28.47,0:04:31.07,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Where is it? Where is it? Dialogue: 0,0:04:31.07,0:04:35.97,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And speaking of weird hookups, the worst of all is the RCA Studio II. Dialogue: 0,0:04:35.97,0:04:41.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Technically, it's not a Pong console because it uses cartridges, but when the hell am I ever gonna talk about this thing? Dialogue: 0,0:04:41.96,0:04:48.42,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Typically, any game system will use two wires, one for the AC adapter, and one to plug into the TV. Dialogue: 0,0:04:48.42,0:04:54.49,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But then there's shitty consoles like this that think they're being cutting-edge by combining both the wires into one. Dialogue: 0,0:04:54.49,0:05:01.49,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,In other words, both the video connector and AC adapter plug into the same box, which then plugs into the TV. Dialogue: 0,0:05:01.49,0:05:07.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Again, forcing you to use a box, and to unscrew it every time you want to play a different game system. Dialogue: 0,0:05:08.19,0:05:14.02,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So, technically speaking, the video signal is traveling up this wire, Dialogue: 0,0:05:14.02,0:05:20.82,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and then the electricity coming from the wall socket is coming back through the same wire. Dialogue: 0,0:05:20.82,0:05:23.73,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I don't even understand how that works! Dialogue: 0,0:05:23.73,0:05:27.69,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The only other system I know that does that is the Atari 5200. Dialogue: 0,0:05:27.69,0:05:30.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We all know how much ass that thing sucks! Dialogue: 0,0:05:30.62,0:05:36.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,One last thing to say about the RCA Studio II, it doesn't even have any external controllers. Dialogue: 0,0:05:36.00,0:05:39.27,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Two players would have to huddle around and use the keypads. Dialogue: 0,0:05:39.27,0:05:42.97,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Man, if there was an RCA Studio I, I'd hate to see it. Dialogue: 0,0:05:42.97,0:05:49.94,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Next, the RadioShack TV Scoreboard. Looks like a remote for a TV, with a Siamese twin. Dialogue: 0,0:05:49.94,0:05:53.71,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Pull this off, you give it to your friend, say "Fuck you, this is all you get." Dialogue: 0,0:05:53.71,0:05:56.89,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"Look at me, I got all this shit. I'm in control, motherfucker!" Dialogue: 0,0:05:58.56,0:06:01.45,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Ugh, why does the ball keep going through the paddle? Dialogue: 0,0:06:01.45,0:06:05.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Serve, reset, reset, serve...I'm playing Ghost Pong! Dialogue: 0,0:06:05.98,0:06:09.41,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Oh, there's color? All of a sudden, the color comes on? Dialogue: 0,0:06:09.91,0:06:13.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The Sears Super Pong Telegames. Simple enough. Dialogue: 0,0:06:13.62,0:06:17.71,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Two little knobs for controllers. Works alright. Basic Pong. Dialogue: 0,0:06:17.71,0:06:19.87,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You got four different kinds of Pong. Dialogue: 0,0:06:19.87,0:06:23.26,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Like, what the hell is this? Reverse Pong? Dialogue: 0,0:06:23.26,0:06:25.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Okay, now what's this? Asshole Pong? Dialogue: 0,0:06:25.60,0:06:27.26,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,That's not fair! Dialogue: 0,0:06:27.72,0:06:31.27,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Colorsport VIII. Now this is badass-looking. Dialogue: 0,0:06:31.27,0:06:33.97,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The controllers pop out the sides, like that. Dialogue: 0,0:06:33.97,0:06:37.94,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Two more controllers plug in, so I guess you could have four players. Dialogue: 0,0:06:37.94,0:06:40.59,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Got all these switches here, four different games, Dialogue: 0,0:06:40.59,0:06:43.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Handball, hockey, tennis, skeet. Dialogue: 0,0:06:43.94,0:06:47.34,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Okay, what's going on? All they do is change color? Dialogue: 0,0:06:47.34,0:06:50.85,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Hockey's red, tennis is blue, is that it? Dialogue: 0,0:06:50.85,0:06:53.17,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I don't even know if this thing's working right. Dialogue: 0,0:06:53.17,0:06:55.97,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Ricochet. Well, this is excessive. Dialogue: 0,0:06:55.97,0:06:59.27,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Instead of two controllers, let's have two consoles. Dialogue: 0,0:06:59.89,0:07:03.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Aside from the clunky design, the game works okay. Dialogue: 0,0:07:03.54,0:07:06.06,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Except the right controller's a little jittery. Dialogue: 0,0:07:06.06,0:07:08.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,That's what happens. The thing about these Pong consoles, Dialogue: 0,0:07:08.32,0:07:10.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and one of the things that makes them so fun to play, Dialogue: 0,0:07:10.66,0:07:13.02,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,is that the paddles move so fluently. Dialogue: 0,0:07:13.02,0:07:16.74,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's like an analog control that doesn't exist in games today. Dialogue: 0,0:07:16.74,0:07:21.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The downside is that they break easily, and sometimes you get this jittery movement. Dialogue: 0,0:07:22.16,0:07:28.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,This yellow bastard here is called the TV4 Four-Way Video Game. Rolls right off your tongue. Dialogue: 0,0:07:28.68,0:07:32.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Well, you already know how I feel about these accursed boxes. Dialogue: 0,0:07:32.08,0:07:36.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,How do you think I feel that this one is permanently attached to the fucking game console? Dialogue: 0,0:07:36.50,0:07:41.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,These things come from Hell. These forks at the end might as well be the Devil's pitchfork. Dialogue: 0,0:07:41.30,0:07:44.84,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,One of them's chewed off, so I have no way of connecting it to the TV. Dialogue: 0,0:07:45.29,0:07:47.97,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And I have no way of replacing the box! Dialogue: 0,0:07:47.97,0:07:50.14,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You think that makes me happy? (laughs slightly) Dialogue: 0,0:07:50.14,0:07:51.16,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It doesn't! Dialogue: 0,0:07:51.16,0:07:52.21,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[crash] Dialogue: 0,0:07:52.21,0:07:55.65,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Another one I can't play is the Color TV Game 6. Dialogue: 0,0:07:55.65,0:07:59.42,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It was made by Nintendo in 1977. Pretty cool. Dialogue: 0,0:07:59.42,0:08:03.97,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It was only released in Japan, which is why it won't work on my American TVs. Dialogue: 0,0:08:03.97,0:08:10.41,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I've heard something about turning the channel to 95, but none of my TVs go any higher than 82. Dialogue: 0,0:08:10.41,0:08:15.65,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Apparently, it has six games, and two players would have to grapple for the controls. Dialogue: 0,0:08:15.65,0:08:20.75,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Nintendo had an updated version with 15 games and detachable controllers. Dialogue: 0,0:08:20.75,0:08:23.59,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Here's the Volley VI, fresh in the box. Dialogue: 0,0:08:23.59,0:08:29.37,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Ah, that stained white color, tasteless wood grain. It reeks with age. Dialogue: 0,0:08:29.37,0:08:33.43,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The controllers dismount, and you got a nice tray to hold your beer. Dialogue: 0,0:08:33.43,0:08:35.02,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Fuck, almost. Dialogue: 0,0:08:35.79,0:08:39.59,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The games are pretty typical, it's your average Pong, with one exception - Dialogue: 0,0:08:39.59,0:08:41.42,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,it's got some gun games! Dialogue: 0,0:08:41.42,0:08:46.49,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I don't have the gun that goes with it, but as you can see on the box, it was some serious shit. Dialogue: 0,0:08:46.49,0:08:51.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,This is an example of a Pong console that uses batteries. That's another thing I need to mention, Dialogue: 0,0:08:51.76,0:08:56.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,it's always C batteries, but you have the option of using an AC adapter. Dialogue: 0,0:08:56.77,0:08:59.57,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Now, tell me, what would you rather do? Dialogue: 0,0:08:59.57,0:09:05.71,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Run to the store to get some C batteries to play your Volley VI, or just plug it in the wall? Dialogue: 0,0:09:05.71,0:09:11.16,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The only problem is that a lot of these Pong consoles did not include the AC adapter. Dialogue: 0,0:09:11.16,0:09:14.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Now, I don't know if that's because people lose them, or they break, Dialogue: 0,0:09:14.88,0:09:19.31,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but judging from the box, and just the fact that batteries are an option, Dialogue: 0,0:09:19.31,0:09:21.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I imagine a lot of times they didn't include it. Dialogue: 0,0:09:21.99,0:09:24.94,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Now, what are you gonna do with batteries? Play it at the fucking beach? Dialogue: 0,0:09:24.94,0:09:29.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Did Pong consoles have some kind of deal with the battery companies to sell more fucking batteries? Dialogue: 0,0:09:30.34,0:09:34.17,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Alright, this is the Magnavox Odyssey 4000. Dialogue: 0,0:09:34.17,0:09:37.65,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,In between the Odyssey and Odyssey², which were cartridge-based, Dialogue: 0,0:09:37.65,0:09:42.72,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Magnavox made a whole bunch of Pong consoles, naming them after the thousand digits. Dialogue: 0,0:09:42.72,0:09:48.06,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The biggest innovation here is that you can move in any direction, rather than just straight up and down. Dialogue: 0,0:09:49.26,0:09:52.13,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The Fairchild Channel F was another innovation. Dialogue: 0,0:09:52.13,0:09:56.31,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's a cartridge-based console, but it includes a great Pong game. Dialogue: 0,0:09:56.31,0:10:02.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The controllers were the most complicated yet, and it takes some time getting used to, but when you do, it's awesome. Dialogue: 0,0:10:03.11,0:10:06.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Rocking the stick moves the paddle in any four directions. Dialogue: 0,0:10:06.20,0:10:09.39,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Twisting and turning changes the angle the paddle's facing. Dialogue: 0,0:10:09.39,0:10:12.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Pushing and pulling moves the goalie up and down. Dialogue: 0,0:10:12.36,0:10:16.47,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,If you play it with a friend, it makes for a busy and intense game of Pong. Dialogue: 0,0:10:17.51,0:10:22.33,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,This is the Coleco Telstar. Once again, the controllers are built on the console. Dialogue: 0,0:10:22.33,0:10:25.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,There's three settings, tennis, hockey, and handball. Dialogue: 0,0:10:25.56,0:10:27.77,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's another basic Pong console. Dialogue: 0,0:10:27.77,0:10:31.13,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,At last, we have the Coleco Telstar Arcade. Dialogue: 0,0:10:31.13,0:10:34.47,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Look at this mess. A steering wheel, a gun? Dialogue: 0,0:10:34.47,0:10:36.92,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,What madman came up with this? Dialogue: 0,0:10:36.92,0:10:40.01,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Believe it or not, it actually uses cartridges. Dialogue: 0,0:10:40.01,0:10:46.01,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Have you ever seen a cartridge like this? A silver triangle that snaps onto the top of the console? Dialogue: 0,0:10:46.01,0:10:48.72,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,On one side, you have a regular Pong game. Dialogue: 0,0:10:48.72,0:10:50.93,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,On the other, you have a racing game. Dialogue: 0,0:10:50.93,0:10:55.51,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The lever controls your speed, and the wheel steers your car vertically on the screen. Dialogue: 0,0:10:57.11,0:10:58.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's kinda cool. Dialogue: 0,0:11:00.13,0:11:03.03,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The gun game is like trying to shoot falling stars. Dialogue: 0,0:11:04.16,0:11:07.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's impossible, but the gun's probably broken, so who knows? Dialogue: 0,0:11:08.89,0:11:14.49,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Well, that's Pong for ya. All these different consoles goes to show how such a simple game Dialogue: 0,0:11:14.49,0:11:17.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,could become such a hot-selling franchise. Dialogue: 0,0:11:17.58,0:11:20.33,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I could see people thinking 30 years ago, Dialogue: 0,0:11:20.33,0:11:26.01,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"Wow. Pong. This is where it's at. It ain't gonna get any better than this." Dialogue: 0,0:11:26.01,0:11:31.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"Now what's this here, this Xbox 360? Some modern game system?" Dialogue: 0,0:11:31.22,0:11:35.92,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"I don't know, maybe it has advanced graphics. Might even be in color. Let's check it out." Dialogue: 0,0:11:35.92,0:11:57.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[rock music]