[Script Info]
Title: 
[Events]
Format: Layer, Start, End, Style, Name, MarginL, MarginR, MarginV, Effect, Text
Dialogue: 0,0:00:26.59,0:00:32.39,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Alright, let's play some shitty games. Now, I have three games here based on the Indiana Jones trilogy.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:34.12,0:00:38.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Trilogy? Oh, shit! There's a fourth movie comin' out!
Dialogue: 0,0:00:38.38,0:00:44.17,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Yeah, tomorrow, in fact! For 19 years, we've been calling it the Indiana Jones trilogy.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:44.17,0:00:47.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But now, it's the last day when we can actually call it that.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:47.38,0:00:51.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Now, I'm psyched. I mean you can just tell, I'm all ready. So, to celebrate the occasion,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:51.56,0:00:57.06,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,let's pop this fucker in! Raiders of the Lost Ark on Atari 2600.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:58.11,0:01:02.19,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The first thing that happens, you see Indiana Jones descending from some kind of escalator,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:02.19,0:01:06.79,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and then, nothing. You try every button, and by every button, I mean one,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:06.79,0:01:11.04,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you rock the joystick all around, you flick every possible switch, and nothing happens!
Dialogue: 0,0:01:11.04,0:01:17.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Is the game broken, or did I already find the Ark, and that's the end of the game? Pretty easy, I must say.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:17.72,0:01:23.84,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But guess what, you're supposed to plug the controller into the second port. Now the game begins and you can move Indy.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:23.84,0:01:29.11,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Yeah, isn't that weird? But even more fucked up, you need two controllers to play the game.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:29.11,0:01:33.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Controller 1 selects items with the joystick and drops items with the button.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:33.46,0:01:37.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Controller 2 moves Indy with the joystick and uses items with the button.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:37.56,0:01:43.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Once you figure that out, you think you're all set? But no, the confusion has only begun.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:43.40,0:01:46.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You wander around the marketplace, yeah, that's what it is,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:46.38,0:01:48.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but you never know that unless you read about it.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:48.68,0:01:52.78,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You collect items from baskets. Now, let me show you. This is the gun.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:53.46,0:01:55.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Makes sense, right, you see the little bullet flyin' out?
Dialogue: 0,0:01:55.76,0:01:57.51,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Now, let me show you the whip.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:58.52,0:02:02.55,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,This is the whip. It's the same as the gun, just a shorter range!
Dialogue: 0,0:02:02.55,0:02:09.18,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Why is it just a dot? I know the graphics on the Atari are limited, but don't tell me you can't draw a line!
Dialogue: 0,0:02:09.18,0:02:12.61,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So, after leaving this innocent marketplace you end up falling,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:12.61,0:02:15.61,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and then there's some tall crazy guy in black chasing you around.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:15.61,0:02:19.94,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Who is he? What is he? Is he from the movie? Could it be him?
Dialogue: 0,0:02:19.94,0:02:25.12,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I don't know. But you walk all the way to the bottom with this guy pestering you, only to find a dead end.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:25.12,0:02:28.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So you go all the way back up to the top, which just brings you back to the marketplace.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:28.86,0:02:31.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,There's nowhere left to go but back up where you started.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:31.90,0:02:35.02,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But there's snakes on the edge of the screen just waiting for you,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:35.02,0:02:37.65,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,so it's impossible to go up without getting killed.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:37.65,0:02:41.78,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Fucking snakes, I hate 'em! But here's what you can do. Go to the merchant,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:41.78,0:02:45.73,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,select the bag of gold, and drop it, which exchanges it for the flute.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:45.73,0:02:50.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,When you have the flute selected, it plays a tune which keeps the snakes from killing you.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:50.10,0:02:54.11,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,That's a lot of faith to put in the gamer for you to know that this is a merchant,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:54.11,0:02:58.01,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that's a bag of gold, that's a flute, and you use it to keep snakes away!
Dialogue: 0,0:02:58.01,0:03:01.69,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But anyway, you'll find that you can't go anywhere beyond these three screens.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:01.69,0:03:06.41,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You'll explore every last corner and exhaust every possibility of where you're supposed to go.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:06.41,0:03:11.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But guess what, see this thing? That's a grenade. You put the grenade next to the right hand wall,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:11.88,0:03:15.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you leave the screen, then you come back, and there's a nice big hole in the wall.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:16.21,0:03:22.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Okay, first of all, you'd have to know how to use the grenade! You can't drop it like we did with the bag of gold.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:22.22,0:03:26.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You gotta use the right controller, otherwise the bomb just goes away and nothing happens.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:26.90,0:03:32.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So dropping it isn't the same as activating it. But besides, how would you know to bomb a hole in the wall?
Dialogue: 0,0:03:32.99,0:03:37.72,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Even in a Zelda game, there's usually some sort of clue. But here, there's nothing!
Dialogue: 0,0:03:38.38,0:03:42.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So, you go through the caves, you collect all kinds of weird items, you can't even tell what they are.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:42.76,0:03:46.47,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You end up in some sort of trap. You have to whip your way through the walls,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:46.47,0:03:51.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,which is easier said than done, then you come out and then you find that you can't touch the walls in this room.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:51.66,0:03:57.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,If even a single pixel of your body comes in contact with any of these walls, it sends you back in the trap.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:58.21,0:04:04.78,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But still, where do you go? You're supposed to touch this one spot on the wall, which leads you to the next room.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:04.78,0:04:08.43,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Well, after knowing that you can't touch anything else in the room,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:08.43,0:04:15.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,why the fuck would you even consider trying to go through the wall? Is there ever such a thing as a door?
Dialogue: 0,0:04:15.70,0:04:21.92,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Also, in order to access certain parts of the game, it depends on how you move to the next screen.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:21.92,0:04:28.74,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Here, we've already seen when you go down like normal, you fall and end up in this weird place they call The Valley of Poison.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:28.74,0:04:35.95,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But, if you gently, carefully, just ease your way down, it takes you to a whole different screen.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:35.95,0:04:39.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Then there's a weird treasure room where you have to keep swapping items,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:39.36,0:04:46.12,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you leave the room, you come back into the room, you drop this, pick up that, swap this, exchange that, 'till finally you get all the items you need.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:46.12,0:04:50.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Of course, each item is just trial and error to figure out what they do, and where in the game you use 'em.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:50.80,0:04:57.43,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Like the hourglass or the ankh. You use them to summon a little dot that bounces around, it's supposed to be a grappling hook.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:57.43,0:05:03.29,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You hit the right controller button and time it when the dot goes over an island, then you'll appear on that island.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:03.29,0:05:10.47,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You'd expect Indiana Jones to use a whip to swing across, but not an hourglass that turns into a grappling hook!
Dialogue: 0,0:05:10.93,0:05:16.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,By this point, I also really have to say using two controllers is a pain in the ass.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:16.08,0:05:19.100,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Unless you're Goro. I'd recommend two sets of hands or two players.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:19.100,0:05:25.79,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Then you get to this part where you need to stand in a certain place for this map to appear. Oh, like in the movie!
Dialogue: 0,0:05:25.79,0:05:30.11,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You need to select the key to enter, you need the clock to tell you when the sun is rising,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:30.11,0:05:36.45,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you need the medallion so the sun can shine at the right time and mark the spot on the map where you have to find a shovel to dig for the Ark!
Dialogue: 0,0:05:41.45,0:05:45.05,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Wow! How complicated can it be for an Atari game?
Dialogue: 0,0:05:45.05,0:05:48.57,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Let alone that this is one of the few Atari games that you can actually beat,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:48.57,0:05:51.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,whereas most of them are just about trying to get a high score.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:51.30,0:05:54.79,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And when I say it can be beat, that's hypothetical, because honestly,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:54.79,0:06:00.45,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I think it'd be easier to find the real Lost Ark. Just the fact that you have to feel around for secret passageways and stuff,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:00.45,0:06:07.89,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,it makes you feel like Indiana Jones. Well, they got me there. Next up is Temple of Doom.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:07.89,0:06:12.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Based off the second movie, Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom was an arcade game,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:12.20,0:06:17.27,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,which was ported to many home computers before eventually arriving on the Nintendo Entertainment System.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:17.27,0:06:23.26,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,There were two versions: an unlicensed black cartridge by Tengen and an official release by Mindscape.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:23.26,0:06:29.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The cover art is the same, except it's reversed, almost like the one game is a mirror reflection of the other.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:29.58,0:06:35.04,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,In fact, both versions are the same exact game, so I don't know what's up with that.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:35.81,0:06:41.78,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The game begins, Indy walks from one cave to the next and...what's going on here, what the hell?
Dialogue: 0,0:06:41.78,0:06:46.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Oh no, not this again - Oh, it's Select. It's one of those games, where Select is Start.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:47.16,0:06:52.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,What's up with Indiana Jones? He looks like a park ranger. And he walks like he just dumped ass.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:53.18,0:06:56.43,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Alright, so basically, you're just going around rescuing little kids.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:57.15,0:07:00.26,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,See, there's a little kid, you get the little kid, and then y- oh, you get the sword,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:00.26,0:07:05.71,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and - oh my god, another sword, oh, another sword, oh my god, this little cave here is awfully generous.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:06.83,0:07:09.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,All through the game you keep finding swords and guns and stuff,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:09.76,0:07:12.21,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but the big question is, what do you do with them?
Dialogue: 0,0:07:12.21,0:07:17.71,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The Start button brings up this screen which shows your supply, but how do you select your weapons?
Dialogue: 0,0:07:17.71,0:07:21.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You try every button and nothing works, so what's the point of this screen?
Dialogue: 0,0:07:22.09,0:07:24.06,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Nothing, it's just for shits and giggles.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:24.06,0:07:29.34,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Oh well, we're having fun with our whip in the meantime, but then you find that your whip is pretty useless.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:29.34,0:07:36.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You can use it to swing around and kill small insects, but any of the regular bad guys, it only makes them jitter around and grunt.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:36.80,0:07:38.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[grunt]
Dialogue: 0,0:07:38.86,0:07:40.07,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[AVGN] It should be a dance.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:40.07,0:07:44.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[imitates grunts] Whip it! [imitates grunts]
Dialogue: 0,0:07:44.20,0:07:48.61,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Come on! This is ridiculous! By now you're wondering, "Where the fuck are my weapons?!"
Dialogue: 0,0:07:48.61,0:07:53.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Well, here's how it works. You hold the Select button while pressing right for the sword,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:53.40,0:07:56.49,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,left for the gun, up for the bomb, and down for the whip!
Dialogue: 0,0:07:56.49,0:08:02.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,On top of just being awkward, it's impossible when you're in a tight situation and have to switch real fast!
Dialogue: 0,0:08:02.50,0:08:07.41,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,There's no way to pause the game and then switch weapons, you have to do it during the action!
Dialogue: 0,0:08:07.41,0:08:11.97,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,If you're on a conveyor belt, there's no way you're gonna mess around, unless you want to fall off and die!
Dialogue: 0,0:08:11.97,0:08:19.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,That's my biggest gripe with this game. I've never heard of such a back-ass dimwitted idiotic lame-brained way to switch weapons,
Dialogue: 0,0:08:19.08,0:08:21.47,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but at least you only use one controller.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:23.41,0:08:26.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,There's also a serious problem going on with the jumping.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:26.36,0:08:30.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Whenever you jump, you gravitate towards the bottom of the screen.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:30.10,0:08:33.01,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You're constantly fighting against it with the D-pad.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:33.01,0:08:38.91,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,At first I didn't understand what was going on, but now I kinda see what they were trying to do.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:38.91,0:08:43.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The cliffs, the platforms, the conveyor belts, everything's descending as you go down,
Dialogue: 0,0:08:43.52,0:08:47.34,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,like you're on the side of a mountain, so whenever you jump, naturally, you drop.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:47.34,0:08:52.41,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But you're sorta looking at it from a bird's eye perspective. But no, wait.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:52.68,0:09:00.78,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Are these doors actually just rectangular holes in the ground? Is Indiana Jones walking or is he crawling? Or...huh.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:14.17,0:09:21.84,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I don't know, I don't have a fucking clue, it's like they couldn't decide if they were making a 3D or a 2D platformer, so what you get is like a hybrid!
Dialogue: 0,0:09:22.16,0:09:27.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Anyway, the big problem is figuring out where you're supposed to go. Some call it a platformer game,
Dialogue: 0,0:09:27.48,0:09:33.51,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,some call it an adventure game, I classify it as a "where the fuck do I go?" kind of game. Yeah, one of those.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:33.51,0:09:40.09,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's dreadful, all you do is jump around. You go in doors and you jump around some more. You jump around, you jump around.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:40.09,0:09:46.18,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The stages don't really progress much. Everything looks the same. It almost seems like I'm doing laps.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:46.18,0:09:50.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[record needle scratch] But wait! Yeah, how did I get here again? You wanna know why?
Dialogue: 0,0:09:50.46,0:09:54.89,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Because the damn stages cycle over and over again! Let me draw it out.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:54.89,0:10:00.13,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's like, OK, here's the stage, you know, all the little cliffs, the doors, the lava pits, all that bullshit.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:00.13,0:10:08.17,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Anyway, for example, if you go all the way down here, you don't hit a wall or any kind of boundary, you just come out up here,
Dialogue: 0,0:10:08.17,0:10:13.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but without any indication that you've done so! What kind of bullshit is that?
Dialogue: 0,0:10:13.10,0:10:18.67,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Everything looks the same, anyway, so it only makes an already confusing game even more confusing!
Dialogue: 0,0:10:18.67,0:10:27.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Who would want to play this? I'd rather drink buffalo shizz! That's a combination of shit and jizz. Yeah, that's foul. I apologize.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:27.20,0:10:33.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You know, there's a major paradox going on here. If you keep jumping down, you're basically coming out the top again.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:33.86,0:10:37.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Yeah, you follow? It's kinda like a never-ending staircase.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:37.30,0:10:41.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Even Einstein would be baffled by how this game breaks the laws of physics.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:41.92,0:10:46.73,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Just the fact that this game was made the way it is, it's a shit stain on the fabric of nature.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:47.06,0:10:51.65,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Another thing I hate is whenever you get hit, usually by a stupid bat or something,
Dialogue: 0,0:10:51.65,0:10:54.74,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you end up going apeshit like Indy's having a seizure or something.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:55.11,0:11:01.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It stuns you for a few seconds, but if it happens on a conveyor belt, you're fucked! You're going over the edge!
Dialogue: 0,0:11:03.33,0:11:08.67,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,How did I die? Look at this, I jumped down, I land on the conveyor belt and I'm dead.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:08.67,0:11:13.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You mean from sticking my toe in the very, very, very edge of this lava pit?
Dialogue: 0,0:11:16.60,0:11:18.42,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Fuck! Let's try again.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:19.31,0:11:22.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Kiss my ass! I hate this game! It's fucking horrible!
Dialogue: 0,0:11:23.45,0:11:28.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Next up, Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade. But first, let's get Temple of Doom out of there.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:45.44,0:11:51.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The Last Crusade is another one of those games where you have to press the Select button to start. Why is that?
Dialogue: 0,0:11:52.35,0:11:54.73,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,There are some good things to say about this game.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:54.73,0:11:58.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It makes a legitimate attempt to follow the storyline from the movie,
Dialogue: 0,0:11:58.48,0:12:02.72,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and it plays more like a traditional side-scroller. Most of the time, at least.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:02.72,0:12:07.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,There is an overhead stage where you're on the motorcycle, which is cool to have some variety,
Dialogue: 0,0:12:07.58,0:12:12.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but then there's a puzzle. I don't wanna do a fuckin' puzzle, I'm not even good at these things!
Dialogue: 0,0:12:12.78,0:12:18.11,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,What's this supposed to be, anyway? I wouldn't be surprised if it was just a giant middle finger saying "Fuck you!"
Dialogue: 0,0:12:19.00,0:12:28.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The side-scrolling stages are okay, but redundant. You just mash buttons. Sometimes, you get hit, sometimes, they get hit. Pure random.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:28.52,0:12:36.23,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The castle stage is a fuckin' maze. Unless you draw a map, you'll never know which direction to go, or where you've already been.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:36.23,0:12:39.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,This game can be annoying, but it is playable.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:39.08,0:12:44.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I never intended to review it anyway because it's not the same version of Last Crusade that I remember.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:44.48,0:12:51.85,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Yes, that's right. Once again, there's two versions. The one we just played was by Taito. The other one's by Ubisoft.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:51.85,0:12:56.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,This time, both of them are licensed, and the cover art is almost identical.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:56.32,0:13:02.09,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The differences are very slight. It's almost like playing one of those picture games where you guess what's different.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:02.09,0:13:07.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So because they look basically the same, you would imagine that they're the same game, just like with Temple of Doom.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:07.99,0:13:15.35,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But, no! This time, they're both completely different! Why make two games off the same movie on the same console?
Dialogue: 0,0:13:15.35,0:13:20.12,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,To make it better, right? Well, let's see how much better it is.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:20.12,0:13:25.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,While the animation is pretty decent on Indy, why is there this choppy outline around his body?
Dialogue: 0,0:13:25.30,0:13:29.82,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And where's the color? Everything's in monochrome. It's like something you'd see on Game Boy.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:29.82,0:13:33.82,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Indy's in like a sepia tone while the backgrounds range from yellow to green.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:33.82,0:13:39.29,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,What happened? Even the Game Gear version had more color, and that was a handheld console!
Dialogue: 0,0:13:39.29,0:13:43.84,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So, when the game begins you immediately take damage from everything in sight.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:43.84,0:13:48.23,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Even when you fall off the rope, some mysterious force hits you on your way down.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:49.80,0:13:54.53,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Then you get shot at while you're wondering "Where's my whip? Is this all you can do, is just punch?"
Dialogue: 0,0:13:54.53,0:13:58.04,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,How am I supposed to fight a guy with a gun with my fists?
Dialogue: 0,0:13:58.04,0:14:05.19,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You think you can just take the platform and go over him, but no, you come to a dead end, with a little narrow opening, just to tease you.
Dialogue: 0,0:14:05.19,0:14:11.69,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,No, you can't crawl. I tried. And you can't jump down, either, so it's all the way back to the guy with the gun.
Dialogue: 0,0:14:11.69,0:14:16.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You gotta get near him without touching him, and still, it takes quite a few punches to put him down.
Dialogue: 0,0:14:16.62,0:14:21.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And this is just one guy! There's a million of 'em! Next thing you come to a small body of water.
Dialogue: 0,0:14:21.99,0:14:25.71,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You can't touch it or you die. You just keep jumping on the ropes.
Dialogue: 0,0:14:26.20,0:14:29.69,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Fuck! Oh my god, get back onto the rope! What the hell do I-
Dialogue: 0,0:14:31.86,0:14:33.74,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Awwww, what the fuck?
Dialogue: 0,0:14:34.49,0:14:40.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,How is Indiana Jones such a wimp that he can't set foot in water more shallow than a kiddy pool?
Dialogue: 0,0:14:40.10,0:14:44.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,All the way through the game's without mercy. And it doesn't help to not have a whip.
Dialogue: 0,0:14:44.44,0:14:47.45,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And why does there always have to be a fucking time limit?
Dialogue: 0,0:14:51.06,0:14:54.87,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Once you get to the first level boss, any sane person would shut the game off.
Dialogue: 0,0:14:54.87,0:14:59.07,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Just look, I have to fight a guy with a long range weapon with my bare fists.
Dialogue: 0,0:14:59.07,0:15:06.42,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Once you get the pattern down, you're able to step in, take a few jabs, and step back while avoiding the stalactites at the same time.
Dialogue: 0,0:15:06.42,0:15:09.09,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And look how much damage it takes when you punch him.
Dialogue: 0,0:15:13.99,0:15:19.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Is it a fucking joke?! Dumbasses made this game, should've sent it to the Marx Brothers.
Dialogue: 0,0:15:20.60,0:15:23.82,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Halfway through the second level you finally get this weird item.
Dialogue: 0,0:15:23.82,0:15:26.94,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,In the back of your mind you think, "What is that, a whip or something? No."
Dialogue: 0,0:15:26.94,0:15:31.25,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,By this point, you don't even expect the whip to be in the game. But yeah, this is the whip!
Dialogue: 0,0:15:31.25,0:15:35.81,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You just have to select it, that's all. Why would you not want to select the whip?
Dialogue: 0,0:15:36.27,0:15:40.61,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So now, you're in complete shock thinking to yourself "Oh, I get it now."
Dialogue: 0,0:15:40.61,0:15:43.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"Like in the movie. He doesn't get the whip 'till he's on the train."
Dialogue: 0,0:15:43.46,0:15:50.16,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[record needle scratch] But whoa, whoa. Let's talk about the story. As the game begins, it just says "Exploring the Caves", that's it.
Dialogue: 0,0:15:50.16,0:15:52.15,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It doesn't tell you why you're exploring the caves.
Dialogue: 0,0:15:52.15,0:15:56.97,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But before you can complete each level, you need to find certain items. Here, it's a cross.
Dialogue: 0,0:15:56.97,0:16:01.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So, okay, is this supposed to be the opening scene of the movie, where he's young Boy Scout Indy?
Dialogue: 0,0:16:01.62,0:16:03.77,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Then why does he have the jacket and hat?
Dialogue: 0,0:16:04.28,0:16:07.19,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,In the third level, he's in the catacombs looking for stone tablets,
Dialogue: 0,0:16:07.19,0:16:11.16,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and in the fourth level, he's in the castle looking for the pages of his father's diary.
Dialogue: 0,0:16:11.16,0:16:17.63,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So the whole game is loosely based around scenes from the movie, but the whole time, it's the same adult Indy.
Dialogue: 0,0:16:17.63,0:16:23.04,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So, here's the bottom line: either follow the movie or just give me the goddamn whip!
Dialogue: 0,0:16:23.52,0:16:27.19,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,This is great, right? You remember when Indy fought an archer on the train?
Dialogue: 0,0:16:31.43,0:16:32.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Come on!
Dialogue: 0,0:16:33.20,0:16:34.69,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You gotta be kidding me.
Dialogue: 0,0:16:35.61,0:16:37.53,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Oh man, just die.
Dialogue: 0,0:16:42.72,0:16:44.85,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Ugh, god.
Dialogue: 0,0:16:46.16,0:16:48.07,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Oh my god.
Dialogue: 0,0:17:00.73,0:17:02.33,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The fuck, man?
Dialogue: 0,0:17:33.54,0:17:34.04,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[crash]
Dialogue: 0,0:17:34.04,0:17:35.15,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Oh, shit!
Dialogue: 0,0:17:35.15,0:17:41.51,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You think Indiana Jones would have been a great concept for a side-scroller game, but they just kept fucking it up!
Dialogue: 0,0:17:41.51,0:17:48.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,How'd they do this, it's ass! But here's one which was actually pretty decent, so let's take a quick look.
Dialogue: 0,0:17:48.32,0:17:53.77,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Indiana Jones' Greatest Adventures is exactly what you'd expect of a movie based game on Super Nintendo.
Dialogue: 0,0:17:53.77,0:17:56.92,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You move from left to right and kill a bunch of bad guys with your whip.
Dialogue: 0,0:17:56.92,0:18:01.69,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's more self-explanatory than most of the previous games, which makes it easy to pick up and play.
Dialogue: 0,0:18:02.34,0:18:08.06,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And thank god it has a password system with only four characters, making it easy to continue where you left off.
Dialogue: 0,0:18:08.06,0:18:13.69,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Best of all, the stages all follow scenes from the movies. That's right, from Raiders to Crusade.
Dialogue: 0,0:18:13.69,0:18:19.91,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,One thing I find funny is that the final boss of the game is the skeleton, you know, when Donovan drinks the wrong grail.
Dialogue: 0,0:18:19.91,0:18:22.29,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Kinda reminds me of a Castlevania game.
Dialogue: 0,0:18:23.50,0:18:28.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Overall, LucasArts gave the same care and attention to the franchise as they did with their Star Wars trilogy,
Dialogue: 0,0:18:28.60,0:18:34.41,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,except here, they're all rolled into one game. Same as me, combining three reviews into one.
Dialogue: 0,0:18:34.41,0:18:37.82,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But hey, now I'm pushing four, so let's end this thing.