It is wonderful to be here at the white house correspondence dinner.

What a week.

As some of you heard, the state of hawaii released my official long form birth certificate.

Hopefully, this puts all doubts to rest but just in case there are any lingering questions

Tonight, I'm prepared to go a step further

tonight for the first time

I'm releasing my official birth video

Now

I warn you

no one has seen this footage in 50 years

not even me

but uh let's take a look

oh well back to square one

I want to make clear to the Fox News Table

that was a joke that was not my real birth video

that was a childrens' cartoon. Call Disney if you don't believe me. They have the original long form version.

Michelle Bachmann is here though, I understand, and she is thinking about running for president

which is weird because I hear she was born in Canada

Yes Michelle this is how it starts..just letting you know

there's a vicious rumour floating around that I think could

really hurt Mitt Romney

I heard he passed Universal Healthcare when he was Governor of Massachusetts

someone should get to the bottom of that and I know

just the guy to do it..Donald Trump is here tonight

Now I know that he's taken some flack lately but no one is happier

no one is prouder to put this birth certificate matter to rest than the Donald

And that's because he can finally get back to focusing on the issues that matter

like did we fake the moon landing?

what really happened in Roswell?

and where are Biggie and Tupac?

All kidding aside, obviously we all know about your credentials and

breth of experience, for example, uh, no seriously

Just recently, in an episode of celebrity apprentice

at the steak house the men's cooking team did not

impress the judges from Omaha Steaks

and there was a lot of blame to go around

but you Mr. Trump recognized that the real problem was a lack of leadership

and so ultimately you didn't blame little john or meatloaf

you fired Gary Busey

and these are the kinds of decisions that would keep me up at night

well handled sir. well handled.

say what you will about ..uh, Mr. Trump

he certainly would bring about some change to the White House

let's see what we got up there