It is wonderful to be here at the white house correspondence dinner.
What a week.
As some of you heard, the state of hawaii released my official long form birth certificate.
Hopefully, this puts all doubts to rest but just in case there are any lingering questions
Tonight, I'm prepared to go a step further
tonight for the first time
I'm releasing my official birth video
Now
I warn you
no one has seen this footage in 50 years
not even me
but uh let's take a look
oh well back to square one
I want to make clear to the Fox News Table
that was a joke that was not my real birth video
that was a childrens' cartoon. Call Disney if you don't believe me. They have the original long form version.
Michelle Bachmann is here though, I understand, and she is thinking about running for president
which is weird because I hear she was born in Canada
Yes Michelle this is how it starts..just letting you know
there's a vicious rumour floating around that I think could
really hurt Mitt Romney
I heard he passed Universal Healthcare when he was Governor of Massachusetts
someone should get to the bottom of that and I know
just the guy to do it..Donald Trump is here tonight
Now I know that he's taken some flack lately but no one is happier
no one is prouder to put this birth certificate matter to rest than the Donald
And that's because he can finally get back to focusing on the issues that matter
like did we fake the moon landing?
what really happened in Roswell?
and where are Biggie and Tupac?
All kidding aside, obviously we all know about your credentials and
breth of experience, for example, uh, no seriously
Just recently, in an episode of celebrity apprentice
at the steak house the men's cooking team did not
impress the judges from Omaha Steaks
and there was a lot of blame to go around
but you Mr. Trump recognized that the real problem was a lack of leadership
and so ultimately you didn't blame little john or meatloaf
you fired Gary Busey
and these are the kinds of decisions that would keep me up at night
well handled sir. well handled.
say what you will about ..uh, Mr. Trump
he certainly would bring about some change to the White House
let's see what we got up there