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[Hangout Junkie] Welcome to "Inspiring People"

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Today, we have Chloe Cohen, who is going to tell us an inspiring story

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of her struggle and how she has been dealing with Multiple Sclerosis for many years, now.

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Chloe, you are on.

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[Chloe Cohen] Hi, everybody. My name is Chloe

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and I've been living with Multiple Sclerosis for about 14 years, now.

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I was 20 years old when I was diagnosed and for me it was very quick - it was not -

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Most people generally have symptoms and then slowly, more shit starts happening,

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and then they are diagnosed.

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But for me, I hit my head real hard, and that head trauma caused symptoms pretty much instantly. Errh..

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[HJ] Oh, it's not genetic?

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[Cohen] They don't know. They still don't know if it's genetic, environmental or anything.

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So they're still trying to figure out that out.

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But - Yeah, nobody in my family has it, but like, one of the girls that I know with MS, her sister has it,

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and then, this other girl, her father has it.

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So I don't know. I don't know if it's genetic or not. I don't think they know, but I will say this:

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when I was diagnosed 14 years ago, there were 3 drugs available to slow down the progression of the disease.

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Now, I think I should start by explaining what MS is.

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And that is a neurological disease that affects the central nervous system,

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with a wide, wide, wide range of symptoms, from numbness and tingling

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to blindness in an eye, to the loss o use of limbs, to chronic pain.

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And every single person with the illness is different, and how it affects them.

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And there is no two people who deal with it in exactly the same way.

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But before these drugs came out, there was no way to slow the progression of the illness.

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So that's why there is such an older generation of people with MS in wheelchairs,

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because they didn't have the benefits of these drugs that slow the progression,

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because it is constantly flowing, you never know what's going to happen today, you know,

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I've been now in remission for four years, and it's like a new life,

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because for 9 years of my life, it was this up and down thing of what's going to happen tomorrow,

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what - is this symptom not going to be here tomorrow, or what's going to happen tomorrow?

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So I very much learned how to [coughs] - excuse me - live win the moment.

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not worry about the future as much.

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But it's only because I went through all that, that brought me to this point.

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But I'm definitely a lucky one. I was very disabled initially.

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When I hit my head, it basically just jarred everything loose that was loose .

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I probably had, you know, when I look back at my childhood before I even had MS,

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I can recall things that happened during that, you know, that were like,

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my feet would go numb in the shower in high school.

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But I didn't even consider it, because they'd come back to life, you know.

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Only until I was diagnosed with MS did I go "Huh, maybe that was connected", you know,

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But, you know, I don't know - I don't know.

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In my - in my theory, I've probably had this since I was born and it probably came up all through my life.

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But I didn't get that diagnosis untill I initially hit my head

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and had this like fast bang: I can't use my left side, it was all - I had that constant tremor,

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I had vertigo, so it was like being wasted drunk all the time,

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but you're not drunk, so you didn't get the benefit of the drunkenness [laughs],

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you just got the bad stuff.

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[HJ] Did you suffer from ithereally bad, symptoms?

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[Cohen] Luckily, it was only about, maybe, 6 months to a year, where it was really bad.

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I was lucky because, you know, as soon as they discovered that it was MS,

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and I got put on medication and really the only thing that they have, it was steroids and steroids

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will calm the inflammation or whatever that's happening.

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So, getting on am oral dose of steroids relieved my tremor relatively

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and I was on - about some other drugs, there is this drug called antivir,

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And I don't even know what the heck it is, but it was something like working out, straightening you out.

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So, I didn't have vertigo anymore. So, I give credits to the medical establishment

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for having these drugs available, but it never was quite enough.

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And I found marijuana to be one of the only things that relieved me from these constant annoyances.

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It - at least, it brought me to a more accepting place, I guess you could say,

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where it's like "OK, if I have to deal with this 24/7, then I can, you know,

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as much physically as the marijuana was doing, the cannabis was doing,

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of calming my tremors and taking away my disconfort.

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It was also bringing psychological relief that "You know what? I can handle this and deal with this".

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And this is my life, and I'll move - I'll not worry about the future so much.

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But my story really is important because, you know, within 20 minutes, my life slipped .

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I had hit my head and I couldn't use my left side, and I was a cellist.

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This is what I was going to college for. I was going to study music,

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I was going to be in, like a rock band, rock n' roll on the cello, you know?

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That's what I thought. But then what's, you know. Yeah, I had to reramp my life.

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My life and, you know, and I was very angry for a very long time,

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because I think anyone who've got their passion worked from (?) that quickly (7:07)

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Anybody who ha any kind of instant loss knows, appreciates every little thing a little bit more,

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because you know what it's like to lose it.

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And i think it took me a lot of, a lot of therapy and a lot of, like,

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awesome conversations with people who get it, to be able to be at this point.

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But I did start a support group here, eight years ago, for younger people with MS,

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because all the support groups were full of old, bitter, angry people

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because they never got the benefit of the medication until, maybe, you know,15 years into their MS game

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and it has done - it has taken its toll already, so there is always so much -

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there is no repair of what 's been taken away.

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You know, they don't, they haven't - they're working on it, how to, you know,

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- figuring out ways to repair that myeline that's torn.

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Because when you have myeline - I left this major point out - you've lesions on your brain.

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So those lesions then form symptoms in whatever region of the brain they^re covering.

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Yet - but the disease is the demyelinization of your nerves,

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and that's what causes them to be set on i(?) mproperly, and things.

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So when you have a mass of nerves, no myeline now on your nerves (? - 8:43)

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and the messages get screwed up.

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But what I have learned after not walking, to be where I am at now,

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there is no way I could have done that without the concepts of neuroplasticity.

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And I think that's so important, like, our brains are so powerful and we are capable of anything,

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anything if you put your mind to it, and what I have proved to myself as well as,

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I guess, if the medical establishment would have studied me [laughs]

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But there is no study of me, you know,

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though what I have done is really carve new pathways in my brain.

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So now I'm using my left hand and it's never going to be the same,

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I'm never going to be able to play the cello like I did but at the same time, I can use it now.

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I mean, in all these 9 years, I didn't use it, and it's only through this, like, persistence I have,

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of exercising, pushing myself. And I think it helps bcause I was an athlete before I got MS.

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So I had this like, competitive "I'm hard-ass" kind of thing in me (laughs).

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Because I played soccer for many years, and we were really good, you know, our team was good,

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and so I have that - that hard-ass attitude of just like keep pushing, keep pushing.

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and the hard part with MS is, like, your energy is greatly depleted.

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And I know for me, an a lot of people, when they are first diagnosed with the illness,

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they can't do this stuff the same way they did it before,

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they have to figure out how to adapt to this new world of not being able to do things yourself.

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And when you are as stubborn and hard-ass that I was, there was no way,

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and how I was going to have to ask someone to change my light bulb,

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but it was at a point where I had that, so the light bulb would not get changed

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if I didn't ask someone to do it for me.

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And what I also had to realize is that generally, people like helping other people.

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It gives them a sense of, self-sense of worth, you know?

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And where I looked at it like, it's a downfall for me that I can't do myself, do it myself,

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what they're getting from it is like, "We like helping people, I like it, it makes me feel better about myself".

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And I know, you know, when I can help people with stuff that they don't know anything about,

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whether being DJing music technology, or MS for that matter, you know,

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it feels good to know that, like, I have something to give these people

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and so, like, for many years, I beat myself up being like, "Well, I can't do it myself, grrrr"

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But that attitude really got in the way of my growth, you know, I think you really have to learn that.

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I don't even know, I think I am lucky that I was able to adapt successfully.

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You know, I've reached a point now that the MS isn't ............. life

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which it was, for many, many years, ten years.

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And it was like that was every, everything I did, it was about MS.

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It was about having - First of all, graduating college: I mean I had to -

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I couldn't be the music major, because I couldn't even play anymore.

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So I changed into - speech communications major

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because I wanted to learn how to affect people effectively (laughs) with my words,

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and let them hear me, and not sign off.

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So, I thought it was important to learn the art of communication

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and how to communicate effectively, to affect people.

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And I think I did that really well, and I know I'm doing it really well,

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because my story is special and unique in the sense that it happened so quickly.

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But if you - if there's a will, there's a way. I mean, the fact that I couldn't walk and I went skiing

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and now I'm riding an elliptical machine. what the hell!

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Excuse me, but like, it's .............. it's just mind-blowing to me (13:12)

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Everyday, it's a mind-blowing experience like, brushing my teeth in the morning.

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I could never do that with two hands, and now I can.

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And so every morning, when I brush my teeth, I'm like, "Hell yeah, I'm doing this",

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and that' just a little thing, but it's like, I appreciate that stuff.

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Tie my shoes? Couldn't tie them for a good nine years.

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So now, I tie my shoes and I'm proud to tie my shoes, you know, it's appreciating those little things.

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And I wouldn't have had that perspective, I wouldn't have known this,

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I wouldn't be inline (?) this much (13:45) without the losses that I've had.

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And I really say, I thing Ram Dass said it,

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that, you know, through his strokes, this brought him closer to enlightenment.

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Because now he had a new perspective, you know,

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now he saw what it was like, you know, on the other side, or whatever.

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And I think it's been my duty to kind of let people look through a different lens for a minute

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and see, you know, look at themselves.

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In that regard, I mean, most people don't ever think about things like that happening, you know.

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But the fact is, they do and it could happen to any of us at any moment.

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Yet we are so concerned about the future, or so stuck on the past, that we're not living in the moment.

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And like, right now, I'm appreciating this moment, to be able to speak freely

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and let people know they've just got to appreciate what they have a little more.

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Because, people, you really don't know what you have until you lose it.

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And I think it's so important for people to appreciate what they have.

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And you're never going to - hopefully, you'll never have to go through that,

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of learning what it's like to lose all that stuff,

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because it's not easy, and it was only through some intense EMDR therapy

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which is eye-movement therapy, that I got peace with the fact that I can't play the cello

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like, you know, a symphony cellist anymore, you know?

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But it - that is some intense stuff., for anybody ........... trauma (15:29), it's mainly for trauma.

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But I always thought that I didn't go through war, I didn't have some horrorific incident happen to me.

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But at the same time, I went there because I was in a car accident,

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and the car accident was because of this darned tremor (laughs)

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and I thought for a brief second I could use my other hand to grab something,

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but in that brief second, my arm jerked and whoof, there went the car and we slipped in.

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I lost my two dogs in the car accident. It was very traumatic.

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But, so I was going to go, and I was like; "I'm never driving again."

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After that happened, I was like: "No: screw the car."

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So I went into this therapy, thinking I was going to work on my driving.

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But what I realized was how connected it was to having MS,

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and the trauma that I went through with my diagnosis.

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Because, you know, I was only 20 years old, my brain was not yet developped.

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So it is pretty impactful when all you know is no longer, you know?

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But I'm also very thankful because I had an amazing family to help me through it all, you know,

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that's a key piece. But this also why I started my group.

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Because I don't think that anybody needs to deal with that stuff alone.

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And fortunately now, there is, what, seven drugs available,

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First there's these three that were available before, and those three were only injectables.

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There is no - I think now, only in the last ouple of years, I don't even now,

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I'm kind of happy to live (?) with the medication

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because my medication has worked for me the whole time and I^m really lucky.

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But I know that there's like one or two oral medications out now,

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all the rest are injectables, and that's a big deal (laughs).

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That's probably one of the harder things, it was having to know I'd have to get poked in my butt

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every four days or whatever, and you know, for a lot of these, a lot of people,

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it's so interesting how everybody is so different with these injections.

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I have one friend that is like, adamant, like "I'm never letting people do this to me.

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This is I have to live this for myself, it's my medication".

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And then there is someone like me that's like, I can't even look at the needle,

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so I need someone else to do this for me.

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And, you know, 14 years later, I still have someone else do it for me because I -

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any way to make it easier for yourself?

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If I mean I have to do injections in my butt, into muscular leg, I'm talking big needles,

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I don't want to see the needle, I don't even want to know.

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But even to this day, I don't do it myself, I have a nurse do it.

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I'm really good at it at this point, I mean, so much practice,

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and I think I have enough needles now that we are about equal on the coverage.

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[HJ] Wow!

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[Cohen] But I think, you know, you know, I'm going to promote myself and I'm a DJ.

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And I do - I did transform that classical skill of music into my turntablism.

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It's vastly different. It's a different sound.

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And it was a huge loss to me, to not be able to create my own sound, and even turn, you know,

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being on turntables, it's someone else's music that I'm playing.

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But what I've learned is that nobody else can make it sound the way I'm making it sound.

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Because it's the art of the mixer, and it's really about hearing, and the harmony.

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This tattoo right here represents harmony because - and I have one on the back of my neck,

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that was initially made out of two base clefs in a - infinity symbol, right?

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But the tatto artist was not a musician and he put the dots on the wrong side,

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and I was like, Oh, can we just like... So he just made it in the infinity symbol.

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But it still has the same meaning to me, and that is that the music is never lost in me,

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no matter if I can play that or not.

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I will forever hear it, I will forever feel it.

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And that's what I put into my turntablism, you know?

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I'm not a big scratcher. Oh, I must admit, the other day, I was fucking around

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and I scratched some of this Saudi Arabian music, and made it House: it's pretty hot.

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Well, you know, that was just like, I don't know if I can do that again,

0:20:34.898,0:20:45.431
it was kind of in the moment, but I am able to let out my creativity through the turntables now,

0:20:45.431,0:20:48.352
and it took me a long time to get to this point,

0:20:48.352,0:20:54.033
but now I know that the sounds I'm creating whether - and it's all other people's music,

0:20:54.033,0:20:59.217
but the way I'm manipulating their music, it's an art within itself.

0:20:59.217,0:21:07.695
And I think that there's plenty of DJs these days that just use a stupid program

0:21:07.695,0:21:11.887
that does it all for them, and they just click in stuff,

0:21:12.733,0:21:19.597
but they've lost the art form of what it really is, and i think if you go back to, like

0:21:20.505,0:21:28.862
the original people who were DJs, they were - they were musicians

0:21:28.862,0:21:31.271
and they were creating their own sound,

0:21:31.271,0:21:35.798
and unfortunately, technology has kind of moved faster,

0:21:35.798,0:21:40.765
and so all these kids are trying to be DJs, and it's kind of funny to me,

0:21:40.765,0:21:43.198
because they don't even know how to match a beat.

0:21:43.198,0:21:51.431
But you know, to each their own, and I do not judge (laughs) Bullshit, I totally judge.

0:21:51.431,0:21:57.087
I am - I would be the first to say that. It's like if you don't know how to match a beat,

0:21:57.087,0:22:01.869
why are you even trying? But, you know, that's a whole nutter (other?) show.

0:22:01.869,0:22:03.633
[They laugh]

0:22:03.633,0:22:12.395
[Cohen] But I think that the message I want to leave with, I guess you could say,

0:22:12.395,0:22:17.677
would be, you know, "Stay positive." That's the only way I got through all this stuff with -

0:22:17.677,0:22:21.221
by staying positive, then I kept pushing, you know, it was like:

0:22:23.790,0:22:28.029
"Bring it on!" - now I made a poin, might (?) bring it on, you know?

0:22:28.029,0:22:31.798
What else are you going to do with me? You know, I don't really -

0:22:31.798,0:22:36.229
you know, I can beat it, whatever it is, you know, and yes, I may have this illness

0:22:36.229,0:22:41.191
for the rest of my life, but I'm not going to let it run me, and I'm not going to let it control me,

0:22:41.191,0:22:48.313
but you know, at the same time, I say that, and there's definitely a lot of restrictions it puts on you.

0:22:48.313,0:22:53.931
I mean, when you've chronic fatigue and you're sleeping 18 hours a day, you can-

0:22:53.931,0:22:59.831
it's going to be hard not only to be able to hold on a job, more or less like "relationships",

0:22:59.831,0:23:06.964
that's whole other ball of game. So it's like, you really have to learn how to adapt.

0:23:06.964,0:23:11.195
And a lot of it is adapting to other people.

0:23:11.195,0:23:17.492
Because, especially like now, even now, like, I don't look like I've an illness

0:23:17.492,0:23:19.869
or anything wrong wrong with me at all.

0:23:19.869,0:23:25.613
And then, I have a drink, and I look like I'm wasted.

0:23:25.613,0:23:32.698
And I've been coralled (?) out of bars, even, a few months ago I got caught off at a bar,

0:23:32.698,0:23:37.605
because the bartender saw me stumbling, and I was like: "But I have MS!"

0:23:37.605,0:23:42.748
And it's like, I don't have it tattoed - I wear a bracelet now that says "I've MS",

0:23:42.748,0:23:48.832
because I carried a card that I have MS, but this is much more like, bang!

0:23:48.832,0:23:52.469
you don't have to, like, struggle, getting it out of your wallet or whatever.

0:23:52.469,0:23:58.271
But, you know, it's all the invisible symptoms that nobody sees,

0:23:58.271,0:24:07.146
and that's what I will make visible is that with this illness, you can't see the pain they're in,

0:24:07.146,0:24:14.287
the struggles they're in, feeling like they have a tight belt around their waist, you know, 24/7,

0:24:14.287,0:24:20.298
or whatever - you know, for me it was shaky arms, so you know, I - there was always tricks,

0:24:20.298,0:24:22.655
there were times that I just sat on my arm.

0:24:23.255,0:24:26.621
Because whenever I'd bring it out, it was like flopping in the wind.

0:24:26.621,0:24:30.229
So it's - you learn tricks (laughs).

0:24:30.229,0:24:37.546
But I think that a lot of people - it's - it's really hard for a lot of people,

0:24:37.546,0:24:43.364
because they don't want to accept it, you know, and what is it?

0:24:43.364,0:24:46.448
The 5 stages - were you a psych major?

0:24:46.448,0:24:47.518
[HJ] Yeah.

0:24:47.518,0:24:56.386
[Cohen] OK: spit them out: denial, anger, I don't know. What are those? All those stages you go through.

0:24:56.386,0:25:06.095
You go through that stuff with MS. It's like, OK, because like that first year, I drank so much boo-

0:25:06.095,0:25:11.629
so many beers because it was so much easier to say: "No, I'm just drunk", instead of

0:25:11.629,0:25:15.845
"I've got this illness that's making me all uncoordinated".

0:25:15.845,0:25:24.825
Alcohol was awesome for making me deny the fact that this stuff was going on - to a degree, to a degree.

0:25:24.825,0:25:29.644
And then I was really angry because I was on a college campus,

0:25:29.644,0:25:33.329
and everybody was so young and stupid and hadn't -

0:25:33.329,0:25:35.548
.................... angry.

0:25:35.548,0:25:37.998
I was like, "Everybody is stupid" [laughs].

0:25:37.998,0:25:42.195
But then, after i got over the anger, I, you know, became accepting of it

0:25:42.195,0:25:48.399
and I knew that the anger wasn't getting me anywhere, any of these -

0:25:48.399,0:25:56.580
or the sadness for that matter, you know, or any of these emotions, wasn't taking me to a place of peace with it..

0:25:56.580,0:26:07.278
And I really think that because of that EMDR therapy, I became at peace with it all,

0:26:07.278,0:26:10.864
and it still sucks. I'm never going to say it doesn't suck,

0:26:10.864,0:26:16.125
but you know, fortunately for me, the only thing that I have to deal with is injections.

0:26:16.125,0:26:22.610
You know, I don't have - my tremor is calm enough now, all my symptoms are pretty regulated,

0:26:22.610,0:26:28.043
I - So it's like a new lease on life, I feel. And so -

0:26:28.043,0:26:29.620
[HJ] .... of MS?

0:26:29.620,0:26:30.520
[Cohen] What?

0:26:30.520,0:26:32.713
[HJ] Are there different types of MS?

0:26:32.713,0:26:38.221
[Cohen] Yes. Thank you for asking. There are, and that's what a lot of people don't know.

0:26:38.221,0:26:43.862
And the majority of people with MS have relapsing or remitting MS,

0:26:43.862,0:26:48.098
which is one that comes and goes as it pleases.

0:26:48.098,0:26:57.471
But these drugs prevent the quicker going downs and kind of trick the brain into the -

0:26:57.471,0:27:00.415
thinking the stuff's there that isn't.

0:27:00.415,0:27:08.513
But then there is the progressive and secondary progressive, which are the really debilitating kind -

0:27:08.513,0:27:13.969
ah no (?), the kinds with the people in the wheelchairs, and the people that (then ?) get bedridden.

0:27:15.154,0:27:17.979
And unfortunately, there is no medication for them.

0:27:17.979,0:27:21.113
So for - this is my biggest concern now,

0:27:21.113,0:27:26.867
because they've got all of us relapsing or remitting people pretty much under control,

0:27:26.867,0:27:32.264
but it's these people that just keep getting worse and worse and worse

0:27:32.264,0:27:39.459
and, you know, that's the hardest part of MS to watch or even talk about.

0:27:39.459,0:27:47.215
Because, like, when I started this support group 8 years ago,

0:27:47.215,0:27:50.977
there was a few people in there with progressive MS,

0:27:50.977,0:27:55.113
and you know, they started coming to the meetings and they were OK,

0:27:55.113,0:27:59.648
they might have had a little tremor, but we all had tremors at that point.

0:27:59.648,0:28:03.856
So it was like, "Yeah, I -". But we could relate to each other,

0:28:03.856,0:28:12.316
and one of these guys I got very close with, and he had progressive. Oh, he still has progressive.

0:28:12.316,0:28:14.564
I should not speak of him in that way.

0:28:14.564,0:28:28.482
But just the quick downfall of his system, and how it just fell apart, you know, like,

0:28:29.544,0:28:32.218
so he comes to this meeting, and maybe he's got the old tremor,

0:28:32.218,0:28:38.479
the next month he comes and he's got optic neuritis in one eye, one eye is just looking out that way,

0:28:38.479,0:28:44.197
you know, and then it's like, bad talk (?) is another symptom.

0:28:44.197,0:28:49.531
Then the next month later, he's not even walking, you know, he's using canes.

0:28:49.531,0:28:53.313
And then the month after that, he's in a wheelchair.

0:28:53.313,0:28:59.162
And now this guy is totally bedridden, to where his mom has to feed him and bathe him,

0:28:59.162,0:29:04.112
and his independence has been taken, and it's really hard.

0:29:04.112,0:29:10.821
Because then unlike - well how did I get so lucky? Why am I so lucky that I could get better?

0:29:10.821,0:29:18.923
If I could just have given him half of my recovery or whatever, we'd both be in better places.

0:29:18.923,0:29:26.629
But it's not how it works. But for me, that's my biggest motivation, you know,

0:29:26.629,0:29:34.485
for all of these people with MS who really can't do it anymore, like I'm going to keep pushing harder,

0:29:34.485,0:29:39.131
and I'm going to ride that elliptical machine, because I can, damn it.

0:29:39.131,0:29:46.550
And you know, for me, that was such a huge thing, because that elliptical machine and I were enemies.

0:29:46.550,0:29:55.454
We - my left and right body did not work together, that whole piece of my brain was kind of messed up,

0:29:55.454,0:30:05.913
so an elliptical machine was the utter, the best example of the left and right brain working together

0:30:05.913,0:30:10.113
at the same - you know, that total coordination right there. And -

0:30:10.113,0:30:13.748
[HJ] Do you want to talk about what induced you to use the elliptical?

0:30:13.748,0:30:15.156
[Cohen] What?

0:30:15.156,0:30:17.464
[HJ] Do you want to talk about who pushed you to do the elliptical?

0:30:17.464,0:30:20.730
[Cohen] Oh, my trainer! God bless my trainer!

0:30:20.730,0:30:24.746
Because I met him 5 years ago,

0:30:24.746,0:30:25.631
[HJ] Ah!

0:30:25.631,0:30:35.290
[Cohen] and I wasn't using my left arm. I could walk but I had very little coordination and balance.

0:30:35.290,0:30:40.913
So I always thought I was kind of drunk, which is fun, in public.

0:30:40.913,0:30:49.446
But he understood right away that this was a neurological disease and that it wasn't about my muscles,

0:30:49.446,0:30:53.775
because the trainer I had before him was like a total jerk, and he was:

0:30:53.775,0:30:58.946
"I'm going to whip you into shape" and like - he definitely put some muscle on me

0:30:58.946,0:31:03.195
but there was no - no pathways being carved [laughs].

0:31:03.195,0:31:09.941
So when I got this .... - this trainer, he got it and he was just challenging me

0:31:09.941,0:31:19.664
with motions I hadn't been doing for 9 years, with, like, using my arm and bringing it out ,

0:31:19.664,0:31:25.764
and acting as if I'm lifting my dog and putting him on a shelf over here,

0:31:25.764,0:31:34.421
which was a motion I didn't do, but - but from doing this, repetitively, for years,

0:31:34.421,0:31:39.964
it's like now, I'm throwing medicine balls with my left hand, you know?

0:31:40.010,0:31:46.044
And it's only because he's kind of a - he's an awesome trainer, because he's like -

0:31:46.044,0:31:52.885
he's fun: we have fun, that's the best piece of it, you know, he makes games out of everything,

0:31:52.885,0:31:58.589
and I being the athlete that I was, I wanted to be like, "No, I can do it ."

0:31:58.589,0:32:02.338
he's like, "You're done, you're done!" I'm like "No! I got to do it one more time,

0:32:02.338,0:32:04.515
just to prove to myself I can do it".

0:32:04.515,0:32:12.753
But - so we got this elliptical machine and I just looked at it for months,

0:32:12.753,0:32:17.518
like it's over there, and that's there for other people.

0:32:17.518,0:32:22.643
And then finally, one day, he's like "YOu won't even try and ride this?"

0:32:22.643,0:32:27.279
I was like: "Errh, I don't know, you think I can?" I mean, he has been -

0:32:28.171,0:32:36.381
he got me to this point (?) and I got on, and I was riding it, and it was the weirdest feeling in the world,

0:32:36.381,0:32:41.477
because both my left and right were working simultaneously together,

0:32:41.477,0:32:47.592
which never happened for not in - you know - 14 years [laughs].

0:32:47.621,0:32:56.536
So yeah, it was pretty darned amazing. I was just like: "Holy -" I was freaking out.

0:32:56.536,0:33:02.048
I'm surprised that I didn't start bawling in front of him. But I can - it was also awesome for him

0:33:02.048,0:33:07.836
because he was like, "I'm doing my job and I'm good at it!" you know,

0:33:07.898,0:33:14.123
And I have to give him credit because, you know, if I had been working out by myself all this time,

0:33:14.123,0:33:17.031
I wouldn't have seen any of these improvements.

0:33:17.031,0:33:22.116
But because I have this guy on my side that's like pushing me and challenging me,

0:33:22.116,0:33:24.962
and keeping me motivated,

0:33:24.962,0:33:30.162
that's the biggest thing, like, I've got no motivation to go to the gym, I hate the gym,

0:33:30.162,0:33:36.925
you know, I don't mind going to look at the sexy men, but there's a lot more unattractive men then sexy

0:33:36.925,0:33:39.749
men [they giggle], so screw that!

0:33:39.749,0:33:46.668
But you know, it's really about me and my personal gain (? game?).

0:33:46.668,0:33:51.795
I just feel very lucky and blessed, and I think everybody needs to kind of take -

0:33:51.795,0:33:57.644
take a moment and appreciate all the things they have, until you lose it.

0:33:57.644,0:34:04.829
I wish I would have known, you know. If I would have known that was going to happen to me,

0:34:04.829,0:34:10.956
I probably would have been playing my cello every day, multiple times a day, and doing all this stuff.

0:34:10.956,0:34:16.761
But I was just a stupid kid and I didn't realize that anything like that could ever happen.

0:34:17.669,0:34:19.353
[HJ] Nobody knows, nobody.

0:34:19.353,0:34:28.300
[Cohen] No, they don't, but they'd - but I - I think that I'm trying to -

0:34:28.300,0:34:34.415
I'm trying to kind of change the face of MS a bit. I'm trying to show the positive side.

0:34:34.415,0:34:42.659
Not all these people in wheelchairs and all negative, because that really is the older generation of MS,

0:34:42.659,0:34:48.618
and it's not like that anymore. I mean, the support group that's still running,

0:34:48.618,0:34:54.486
I mean there's new people coming in every months, and they are all at different levels

0:34:54.486,0:34:56.910
in dealing with their illness.

0:34:56.910,0:35:03.629
Some of them - there was one girl a few months ago, who hadn't even been diagnosed yet,

0:35:03.629,0:35:09.146
but she knew it, because her father had MS and she - she knew.

0:35:09.669,0:35:16.444
And, you know, watching her go through that whole process of getting the diagnosis, having to adapt,

0:35:16.444,0:35:20.833
taking the injections, and being there, knowing that,

0:35:20.833,0:35:27.272
just being able to connect with other people about it, helps so greatly,

0:35:27.272,0:35:34.098
like even that - the guy with progressive MS, I think one of our most binding moments

0:35:34.098,0:35:38.195
was just standing in his kitchen and he fell, and he's like:

0:35:38.195,0:35:42.210
"Damn! Don't you hate it when the earth moves out from underneath you!"

0:35:42.210,0:35:47.329
And I go "Oh my God! I love this guy!", like I'd experienced that too.

0:35:47.329,0:35:53.139
But it's very rare that you're going to meet someone who has experienced that without being drunk,

0:35:53.139,0:35:54.547
you know what I'm saying?

0:35:54.547,0:36:02.226
And it's very - I know that guy and I are forever in each other's hearts,

0:36:02.241,0:36:06.986
because I think we were both like the first people who had the same illness you could relate,

0:36:06.986,0:36:12.241
and he was like a track star and all this before the MS affected him,

0:36:12.241,0:36:21.065
So he also lost his passions but we also learned to adapt and you know,

0:36:21.065,0:36:25.333
whether I was going to be this "rock star cellist)" or not,

0:36:25.333,0:36:29.446
it's like, life has lead me in this direction and I can only do -

0:36:29.446,0:36:36.410
go forward and spread the positive stuff, and that's what I'm trying to do,

0:36:36.410,0:36:41.282
and I'm trying to affect people and let them know, "No, you're not alone.

0:36:41.282,0:36:46.141
and there isn't a cure for this illness. So it would be nice if there was, you know.

0:36:46.141,0:36:49.225
So help us get there and help - help"

0:36:50.671,0:36:58.477
It's interesting because I think more and more, now, if I say I've MS, somebody will say;

0:36:58.477,0:37:03.979
"Oh, my sister has MS - my aunt has MS". Somebody knows somebody with MS.

0:37:03.979,0:37:11.702
And I'm glad that's the case, because people, you know, 14 years ago, they didn't even know what it was.

0:37:11.733,0:37:19.278
And it's nice to know that people actually are getting diagnosed faster,

0:37:19.278,0:37:31.088
which is helpful because they can get on drugs faster and avoid giant relapses, I guess.

0:37:31.088,0:37:33.158
... I dont'know (?)

0:37:33.173,0:37:37.564
[HJ] Did you have to change your diet at all?

0:37:37.564,0:37:43.059
[Cohen] No [laughs] That was the one thing I was adamant about not doing.

0:37:43.059,0:37:47.438
I'm like, "You can take away my cello, my bike, my snowboard,

0:37:47.438,0:37:51.162
you can take away all those things, but I'm still eating cheese".

0:37:51.162,0:37:58.664
Like, as long as I was healthy, and I eat well, but I never eliminated anything in my diet

0:37:58.664,0:38:04.573
because, you know, when I was first diagnosed, there were many theories, like she'd just - you know -

0:38:04.573,0:38:11.556
would go to a vegan diet, she would never have any issues, it would help.

0:38:11.556,0:38:19.833
Or if she took all the mercury out of her fillings, because they thought that could be related,

0:38:19.833,0:38:22.256
and so it was like, all these theorisms.

0:38:22.256,0:38:31.156
After I think being bombarded so young with all these theories of ways to prevent stuff from happening,

0:38:31.156,0:38:37.996
I was like: "No", you know, like "Whatever I'm doing," like, "it's fine." like,

0:38:37.996,0:38:44.721
"I can't control this illness so I'm not going to change my diet if it's not really in the way."

0:38:44.721,0:38:49.442
Like, I never adapted my eating any different things -

0:38:49.442,0:38:54.486
and although at the same time, you know, a lot of people who - in the MS community -

0:38:54.486,0:38:57.610
who have, and they said it's made a huge difference.

0:38:57.610,0:39:01.643
But so, alright, I think everybody is different in that regard.

0:39:01.643,0:39:09.082
I'm not a person to change their eating habits, just because I like to eat

0:39:09.082,0:39:16.607
and I know I don't eat really poorly, so that's good. I'm pretty healthy.

0:39:16.607,0:39:30.586
But I really think that exercise has been the biggest help in my treatment, in my "healing" if you will,

0:39:30.586,0:39:38.110
you know? I think that's the only way I could get to this point. So...

0:39:38.110,0:39:42.937
[HJ] How did your family understand the difficulties that you are looking at in the future?

0:39:42.937,0:39:50.602
[Cohen] Wow! The worst was being - my mom was a therapist for many years

0:39:50.602,0:39:56.445
and she had had a client who had MS, who was a ballerina,

0:39:56.445,0:40:07.066
and then all of a sudden couldn't do ballet anymore, and so - so my mother really knew more than anybody

0:40:07.066,0:40:10.479
(laughs) about the illness and ..... (?)

0:40:10.479,0:40:21.897
and at this point I think that - I'm trying to think - I think that her client probably had progressive MS

0:40:21.897,0:40:32.078
and I did not, so that was good, but so my mother knew the horrors of what this could mean

0:40:32.078,0:40:40.612
and so, for her, it was way worse than for anyone else, because she knew all the bad stuff

0:40:40.612,0:40:45.661
and she was like "Right, my daughter now has to deal with all this."

0:40:45.676,0:40:57.176
But I think in that - in those initial couple of years I got so close with them,

0:40:57.176,0:41:03.937
because they were the only support system I really had, you know, I was sleeping 18 hours a day,

0:41:03.937,0:41:10.314
I was only up sporadically, and like, my friends were all turning 21 and hitting the bars,

0:41:10.329,0:41:15.083
and it's like "I can't do that anymore." So I became very close to my parents.

0:41:15.083,0:41:19.086
And I'm very lucky that I got this opportunity to do it.

0:41:19.086,0:41:24.264
And that they were cool enough to listen to me bitch as much as I did,

0:41:24.264,0:41:29.852
because I needed that. I think everybody who gets dealt a hand of cards like that,

0:41:29.852,0:41:34.497
you know, you got to be able to bitch, and that's mainly why I started the support group.

0:41:34.497,0:41:38.289
My people need a place to feel safe to bitch.

0:41:38.289,0:41:47.096
Because, you know, my poor parents got to hear every little crappy thing that I felt about everything,

0:41:47.096,0:41:51.651
you know, and everything turned negative, and it's all a big spiral of that.

0:41:51.651,0:41:53.955
When one thing goes wrong, everything [makes sounds suggesting things disintegrating].

0:41:53.955,0:42:00.221
And this goes on and on. But luckily, they were kindly enough to just let me bitch.

0:42:00.221,0:42:04.717
And my mom would smack some sense into me occasionally, like:

0:42:04.717,0:42:08.442
"Chloe!", you know", like), but at the same time she's a brilliant mom (?).

0:42:08.442,0:42:14.889
Because, like, this Christmas when I went skiing, with my paralyzed friend,

0:42:14.889,0:42:22.119
he was like "Hem, I'm getting you on skis." I was like: "What?" He's like: "I can do it, you can do it."

0:42:22.119,0:42:27.033
I'm like: "Shit! He can't even use his right side, I can do this."

0:42:27.033,0:42:30.913
So he got me on skis and it was very powerful.

0:42:30.913,0:42:44.137
But my mother was like, you know: "Well, Chloe?" I was freaking out because I'd just heard bad news

0:42:44.137,0:42:49.227
about my one friend from the group who had progressive MS, and now he is bedridden and all this

0:42:49.227,0:42:56.465
and it was really overwhelming for me. And my mother was so awesome, because she was like:

0:42:56.465,0:43:02.844
"Chloe, you know, you're going to go skiing today. You can go skiing today.

0:43:02.844,0:43:08.254
So I want you to go skiing and do this for people like him. Because he can't. "

0:43:08.254,0:43:13.177
And it just pushed me even further and I got out there, and I skied.

0:43:13.177,0:43:19.371
And I must admit, there was a moment when I was looking up, like "Holy shit, look what the hell I'm doing."

0:43:19.402,0:43:25.427
Well, I'm like: "God bless you, Mike", you know, "and all of you progressive people", you know,

0:43:25.457,0:43:33.460
"I'm doing this for you, as much as myself. But, you know, because I can do it, I mean, that's so cool."

0:43:33.460,0:43:41.222
[laughs] And I just - you don't know what you got until you lose it,

0:43:41.222,0:43:45.775
and be appreciative of what you got and live in the moments.

0:43:45.775,0:43:54.291
Those are my two parting [laughs] phrases. Appreciate what you got. And live in the moment.

0:43:54.291,0:43:58.474
And I think if you go into life with that kind of attitude, you'll be OK.

0:43:58.474,0:44:05.692
But you also have to know shit is always going to happen, you can't control shit from happening.

0:44:05.692,0:44:11.961
But you deal with it in the moment. You don't worry about it, you deal with it in the moment.

0:44:11.961,0:44:15.640
So yeah. [laughs]

0:44:15.640,0:44:19.663
[HJ] That's awesome that you've made such amazing accomplishments.

0:44:19.663,0:44:21.733
Thank you.

0:44:21.733,0:44:31.167
[Cohen] I feel fortunate to be able to have the - the skill, I guess you could say,

0:44:31.167,0:44:39.607
of communicating about this in an effective way, without judgment.

0:44:39.607,0:44:48.305
And I know that I've my part in the MS - no: I'll forever do my part in the MS community,

0:44:48.305,0:45:00.348
of bringing awareness and bringing hope, because I think a lot of people forget that anything's possible,

0:45:00.348,0:45:12.732
and I am proof of that, and I think, the more you can realize what you have, the better it will be?

0:45:12.732,0:45:15.694
I don't know. I'm just babbling now [laughs]

0:45:15.694,0:45:21.877
[HJ] No! I want to share your DJ page.

0:45:21.877,0:45:23.849
[Cohen] Yeah.

0:45:23.849,0:45:31.010
[HJ] you can check URL on - .... you can check DJ CC and it'll come up.

0:45:31.040,0:45:32.233
[Cohen] Ding!

0:45:32.233,0:45:43.681
[HJ] Ah, that's here. This is Chloe's DJ page. If you go ....... (?) it's like DJ CC and it will come up.

0:45:43.681,0:45:50.117
And I also - here, your "Face of MS" page.

0:45:50.117,0:45:54.040
[Cohen] Yes. Thank you.

0:45:57.271,0:46:02.169
[HJ] Are you starting a support group on Google+ as well?

0:46:02.169,0:46:08.389
[Cohen] Yes, I have a disability support, which - its range is not just MS.

0:46:08.389,0:46:16.385
it's deafness, mental issues, ....... (?) and disabilities in general.

0:46:16.385,0:46:22.367
for all the ones who want to feel, you know, like they have support

0:46:22.367,0:46:24.619
dealing with some kind of difference,

0:46:26.865,0:46:37.288
Yeah. but it's really general, for any kind of support, but it is for, mostly, disability

0:46:37.288,0:46:43.685
and that would be any kind of disability. So...

0:46:43.685,0:46:53.731
(HJ) Awesome. You can Google Face of MS or DJ CC Boom. And now, she...

0:46:53.731,0:47:00.208
[Cohen] That's my sign, my deaf sign. Because I've got really deaf friend, he's like:

0:47:00.208,0:47:07.972
"I got - I got a sign for you, because everybody has got the CC Boom". That's my name sign.

0:47:07.972,0:47:16.105
[HJ] You're such an amazing DJ, you caught her (?) music. And even though it's not your own music,

0:47:16.105,0:47:19.769
the way you manipulate those sounds is just awesome.

0:47:19.769,0:47:22.249
[Cohen] THat's awesome. That's what I like to hear.

0:47:22.249,0:47:23.165
[HJ laughs]

0:47:23.165,0:47:29.038
[Cohen] Thank you, Candice. I really want to thank you for doing that's what you're doing.

0:47:29.038,0:47:33.978
Not just for me, but I like hearing other people's stories too, you know,

0:47:33.978,0:47:39.122
And I think that's important, because this - this social networking thing, this Google+ thing,

0:47:39.122,0:47:44.941
is going to be ginormous, and I think that you're starting off with a bang by doing this.

0:47:44.941,0:47:48.776
You're - yeah - keep it up, keep up the good work.

0:47:48.776,0:47:52.587
[HJ] Yes, it makes me even appreciate what I have, because you know,

0:47:52.587,0:47:56.551
people get so caught up in what they don't have, you know -

0:47:56.551,0:47:57.359
[Cohen] Right.

0:47:57.374,0:48:01.333
[HJ] They listen (?) to the media and they just want to keep buying

0:48:01.333,0:48:07.102
and they want you to, you know, just wish you had these things that you don't,

0:48:07.102,0:48:12.927
and you know, talking with you ad other people, just make me know that I do have a lot

0:48:12.927,0:48:19.909
and I have to be grateful for what I have - what I don't - and it's really inspiring listening to you

0:48:19.940,0:48:20.709
and your story

0:48:20.709,0:48:21.209
[Cohen] Awesome]

0:48:21.263,0:48:26.680
[HJ] ...overcame that, how you just appreciate everything now.

0:48:26.680,0:48:29.677
And I think it happens for a reaon.

0:48:29.677,0:48:35.517
There's a reason for what you have, there's a reason for, what everyone's .....(?) in life.

0:48:35.517,0:48:38.289
And it just makes you that much stronger.

0:48:38.289,0:48:44.980
[Cohen] Definitely. No, I wouldn't be who I was if I hadn't gone through all that, you know,

0:48:44.980,0:48:51.179
I wouldn't be nearly this cool if I hadn't faced that much loss.

0:48:51.179,0:48:57.342
But it's true, because I got a perspective that most people don't get in their early 20's, you know.

0:48:57.342,0:49:03.881
Because I felt like I was 80 at 20, and I sort of kept - keep getting younger as I get older:

0:49:03.881,0:49:11.254
it's kind of cool ]laughs]. But, you know, I could bond with my grandmother

0:49:11.254,0:49:17.013
and try and get her to use a cane, and have actual evidence of why she should do it

0:49:17.013,0:49:26.007
and be like - and you know, that's one of the perks to an MS is that you really educate people

0:49:26.037,0:49:29.261
and make them appreciate what they have.

0:49:29.261,0:49:38.030
And I think that's what I hope to do and I try to do it as often as I can.

0:49:38.030,0:49:43.191
So (signs) power to the people! [laughs]

0:49:43.191,0:49:47.343
[HJ] I hope it gives everything in your story (?) 49:46) everyone's turn and -

0:49:47.343,0:49:48.997
[Cohen] Awesome. That's what I hope to do.

0:49:48.997,0:49:55.522
[HJ] Yes, you're truly inspiring and, you know, you have a good support system.

0:49:55.522,0:49:57.878
I think that's so important for everyone.

0:49:57.878,0:49:58.378
[Cohen] Yes.

0:49:58.439,0:50:03.870
[HJ] Whether it's something ........................ (?) that's really something major,

0:50:03.870,0:50:07.322
you must have a, you know, a support system.

0:50:07.322,0:50:14.457
It's so importan, I meant. It doesn't have to be family: friends, you have your personal trainer

0:50:14.457,0:50:20.712
who is - I think he's awesome, how he got you on that elliptical: that alone is just amazing.

0:50:20.712,0:50:30.709
[Cohen] Yeah. He's awesome. He's like my brother but he's not. He is my, you know, trainer

0:50:30.709,0:50:36.873
but he know- you know, he's a child of the 90's too, so he's always playing, like,

0:50:36.873,0:50:41.517
old school 90's music, like ............ hahh

0:50:41.517,0:50:45.958
[laughs] It's pretty cool, so we can bond over that kind of stuff.

0:50:49.127,0:50:53.256
[HJ] I want to thank you again for sharing your story and -

0:50:53.256,0:50:58.354
[Cohen] My pleasure, Candice, thank you for getting my story out there.

0:50:58.354,0:51:03.934
[HJ] I hope to be broadcasting this tomorrow. If anyone wants to listen, they can check it out

0:51:03.934,0:51:13.341
and I hope people check your Face of MS page and your DJ page, and see you the way, you know,

0:51:13.341,0:51:18.702
play those sounds, it's amazing. You have to listen to it to appreciate it. [laughs]

0:51:18.702,0:51:21.425
[Cohen] That's awesome. Thank you, Candice.

0:51:21.441,0:51:25.377
[HJ] Thank you, thank you again, we all appreciate-

0:51:25.377,0:51:28.167
[Cohen] My pleasure.