WEBVTT

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"WARNING: the following show is intended for particular viewers. 
People who're not into video games may stop watching now."

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"LIMPING DOG" STUDIO PRESENTS

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"Movie by Alexander Timchenko"

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"Medal of Returning to Castle Wolfenstein"

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"Dedicated to numerous world peace makers. 
...In every world possible."

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Hey, are you alive?

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Oh wow, Lara Croft!

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Hm. Yep.

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A real one? - Hands off!

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Who on Earth are you?

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Tim. What happened?

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What do you remember?

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Well, I was at my place, 
playing video games...

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then something glitched in my computer,

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then there was a flash, rumble,

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and darkness.

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I see.

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Yet another Kraftmaschine.

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What?

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I'll explain later.

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We need to get out of here now.

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Hold on!

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Can you tell me what's happening?

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A raid! Germans!

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Germans?

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Yes, the Nazis.

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Let's go!

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Could you finally tell me what's happening?

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What of that is unclear to you?

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What happened to me?

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Where are those Germans came from? 
And those dungeons? And you, after all?

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This is a virtual space of the computer game.

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And we, including you as well, 
are its characters.

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What?!

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And what game is this?

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Oh, something about "Wolfenstein castle"...

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Yeah, I was just starting this game 
before it all happened.

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But how did YOU manage to get here?

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Pretty much like you did.

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I was getting out of ancient temple ruins,

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and then everything started collapsing.

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There was a bright flash 
and then I passed out.

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Woke up here.

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And what's the Kraft-Maschine
you were talking about?

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It's Germans. They're doing experiments with some device 
that adjusts itself on spirituel power of ancient artifacts

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and teleports...

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Artifacts?

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Right. I had the sacred amulet 
of great goddess Ishtar with me...

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In fact, I appeared here right because of it.

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And the amulet is theirs now.

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Listen, I had no artifacts with me back then!

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Well, something must've gone wrong 
on their side then.

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Probably due to space fluctuation

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your psychosomatic matrix got overlapped 
with the game engine, and now you're here.

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But how can I get out, could you tell me?

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We have to re-adjust Kraft-Maschine for
reversing the proccess.

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But, I'm afraid, accessing 
that device is quite problematic.

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So this is your shelter?

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I can't remember this place, though I've
beaten the game multiple times.

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You had a script, while this plot
is non-linear.

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Hm, how complicated.

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Oh!

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Check out my new hat.

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You look like a German plumber.

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Yeah, sure, you Tambov Rider ass.

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By the way, how long you planned to stay here?

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I don't know.

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I need to retrieve the artifact back,

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and you're gonna help me with that.

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Why?

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Its presence in this area breaks the
balance between worlds,

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and this might cause displacement of layers
of virtual reality.

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So what then?

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Well, imagine if, let's say, The Sims will
get invaded by Operation Flashpoint guys.

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Ohohoh.

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Or, maybe, you'll suddenly morph 
into a nice zweihander+2,

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in heavy valyrian steel armor, 
against a marine with plasmagun.

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Well, yeah, game balance and stuff...

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But why me?

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Because you have no choice.

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Is such the script?

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No, it's either you help me 
or Germans will shoot you down.

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What for?!

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For being a Russian spy.

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Great...

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I'll be with you.

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Very good then.

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There is a vent shaft nearby,

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we can get into the bunker through it.

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It leads to the secret factory.

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They surely want to construct some
atrocious weapon there.

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Look:

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There - are guards' barracks.

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Manufacturing facility here,

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railroad station...

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This - is a research complex 
and factory management.

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The artifact must be somewhere there.

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And any weapons at us?

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Yes, take a look.

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Here, pick yourself something.

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Wow, a whole arsenal.

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But where from?

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Echoes of the war.

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Ready?

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Lara, you'll never get married.

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I don't like cooking.

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[Note: in the song Rammstein says that
they're not Nazis, but more left-leaning. Ironic.]

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Lara!

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Check the lockers.

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What you got there?

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A PDA.

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A very useful thing.

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"Personal data"

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"Current mission objectives"

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Tim, they're many there!

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I'm coming, I am.

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Here, press Shift when I'll jump.

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- What are we waiting for?

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- We must expel the palefaces from Indiana!

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- And then, 
all our red brothers will follow our lead!

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- We've been expelling them for so many times,
and they've been returning again...

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- And now it'll be the same.

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- ...can't wait any longer!

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"Hold F to switch Sten to MP-44"

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What's there?

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Hang on!

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I got it.

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they transfered the artifact 
to some secret lab. An X-Lab.

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Ah, I was there.

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They're too many!

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"Settings"

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"Difficulty level:"

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Whoo!

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Grrreat bang.

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Boom.

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Let's blow something else!

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There is a tunnel ahead.

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Will crumble it!

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How is it, Tim?

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Battery died.

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Let's go by feet then.

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What a nice weather today...

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Hot.

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Oh, Tim, look at those beautiful flowers!

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Wait here, i'll be right back.

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La..

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...ra!

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What a flipping fool.

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"Saves"

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"08_road"

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"Load"

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Nice weather today, isn't it, Lar?

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A common weather.

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Yeah?

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Lara, do you like flowers?

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What flowers?

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Those, right there. So beautiful.

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Don't be stupid.

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Lara, do you like sunflower seeds?

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Quiet, you!

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Oh wow.

00:20:27.466 --> 00:20:30.065
It'd better to have something edible inside.

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Take your gun off the safety first.

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Check the room in.

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Nobody here.

00:21:03.448 --> 00:21:05.478
We'll spend the night here then.

00:21:05.698 --> 00:21:07.766
We should check the basement for food.

00:21:07.966 --> 00:21:09.186
And set the fireplace up.

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I still don't get it.

00:21:12.933 --> 00:21:14.013
Where did all this come from?

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What?

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Those Germans, that secret factory, 
Wolfenstein in whole.

00:21:19.166 --> 00:21:21.063
It's a reality, but a virtual one after all.

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It doesn't actually exist!

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And where did this 
Moldavian sherry of '94 come from?

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Have you heard anything about 
mental correlation of homeostatic systems?

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Say what?

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Do you know that thoughts 
may materialize itself?

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Ah, that things will eventually happen
if I think of them hard enough?

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I don't think it's real.

00:21:42.864 --> 00:21:44.176
And is the sherry real?

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What's with the sherry?

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Have you thought about it today?

00:21:47.028 --> 00:21:48.067
Well, I've been recalling it.

00:21:48.407 --> 00:21:51.393
Also I've thought about Zhigulevskoe beer,
but it's not here.

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Thought about too much at once.

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You say that all this world with the sherry
is imagined by me?

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One man is not enough.

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But do you know how many of you, gamers, up there?

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What's up with that?

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People play games, that's what.

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This reality is virtual for them,

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but they live in it,

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and together they create another crazy world.

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Yeah, people must 
have forgotten Wolfenstein nowadays.

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Right, and if a game is forgotten, 
its world eventually starts disappearing.

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It stops feeding on energy from players.

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And so Germans decided to leech it 
from worlds of other games.

00:22:25.532 --> 00:22:27.059
That is why they need my artifact.

00:22:27.059 --> 00:22:30.904
So the Wolfenstein Germans 
can destroy Tomb Raider?

00:22:31.234 --> 00:22:31.843
Correct.

00:22:32.103 --> 00:22:33.332
That's bullcrap.

00:22:33.862 --> 00:22:35.778
But it's pretty close to their nature, though.

00:22:35.778 --> 00:22:38.986
Global domination, Fourth Reich, 
the usual stuff.

00:22:39.196 --> 00:22:41.942
Okay, we gotta go to sleep, 
tomorrow's gonna be long day.

00:22:42.242 --> 00:22:44.690
Yeah, we will show them space fluctuation.

00:22:46.350 --> 00:22:47.843
We'll be sleeping in shifts.

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How about we sleep together?

00:22:49.230 --> 00:22:50.019
Don't even dream about it.

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Wake me up at 3 AM.

00:22:52.144 --> 00:22:53.794
Okay, have a good night.

00:23:23.279 --> 00:23:25.136
Tim, you overslept it, you dog!

00:23:26.566 --> 00:23:27.528
What is it?

00:23:27.698 --> 00:23:29.432
We have guests, that's what!

00:23:42.378 --> 00:23:44.826
Well, we've got a car now.

00:23:45.396 --> 00:23:46.979
Why didn't you wake me up?!

00:23:48.152 --> 00:23:50.848
I'm, well, was correlating homeostat...

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Damn smartpants.

00:23:52.378 --> 00:23:54.703
Alright, let's move out of there.

00:24:08.371 --> 00:24:13.972
Oh, Lar, we are offered a job: 
howitzer ammo to Paderborn.

00:24:14.222 --> 00:24:16.314
They are paying well, shall we take it?

00:24:16.314 --> 00:24:20.907
Drop that, Tim, we got to reach X-Lab, now!

00:24:21.447 --> 00:24:22.480
Trucker my butt...

00:24:22.630 --> 00:24:23.773
Oh, come on!

00:25:40.478 --> 00:25:41.445
What is it?

00:25:42.685 --> 00:25:43.642
Get ready.

00:26:34.290 --> 00:26:35.345
Alright.

00:26:35.813 --> 00:26:37.080
Well, not completely.

00:26:42.246 --> 00:26:43.796
Was that really necessary?

00:26:43.856 --> 00:26:45.045
Of course!

00:26:45.345 --> 00:26:46.189
Barbaric.

00:26:58.012 --> 00:26:58.819
I'm shot!

00:27:11.733 --> 00:27:12.914
Any problem?

00:27:17.050 --> 00:27:19.253
Well, no more cheats for us.

00:27:19.813 --> 00:27:21.695
Your cheats are right behind you.

00:28:33.029 --> 00:28:34.564
We need a red key.

00:28:35.126 --> 00:28:36.355
There it is!

00:29:54.315 --> 00:29:55.352
Who was that, Tim?

00:29:55.352 --> 00:29:57.646
Nobody knows actually.

00:29:57.646 --> 00:30:00.455
But wherever he goes, troubles happen.

00:30:00.455 --> 00:30:02.883
Let's see. He must be went out of there.

00:30:07.942 --> 00:30:09.880
He looked so mysterious...

00:30:10.274 --> 00:30:11.952
He is not a robot, you know.

00:30:12.252 --> 00:30:13.666
Yeah, so where to go now?

00:30:13.936 --> 00:30:15.341
Let's follow him maybe.

00:30:26.379 --> 00:30:28.117
We've just got incredibly lucky.

00:30:28.247 --> 00:30:30.430
Our situation reminded me something.

00:30:30.430 --> 00:30:31.271
What exactly?

00:30:31.791 --> 00:30:36.881
I saw it in a movie. There was also a black guy
who preached with a pistol in his hand.

00:30:55.674 --> 00:30:56.853
Facking geneticists.

00:30:57.303 --> 00:30:58.914
Who is that paleface?

00:30:59.524 --> 00:31:04.121
Oberfuhrer SS Wilhelm Strasse, 
nicknamed Deathshead.

00:31:04.331 --> 00:31:05.358
He is in charge here.

00:31:05.688 --> 00:31:06.767
How do you know?

00:31:06.767 --> 00:31:08.553
I've played this game, after all.

00:31:08.553 --> 00:31:09.245
Ah, right.

00:31:24.247 --> 00:31:28.139
He's leaving!

00:33:05.895 --> 00:33:07.199
One more!

00:33:31.354 --> 00:33:33.221
Tim, what the hell were those things?

00:33:33.221 --> 00:33:34.704
Cacodemons.

00:33:34.704 --> 00:33:35.832
Demons?

00:33:35.832 --> 00:33:37.521
Yes, Caco-demons.

00:33:37.521 --> 00:33:38.887
How have they got here?

00:33:38.887 --> 00:33:40.004
No idea.

00:33:40.004 --> 00:33:41.422
Probably like we have.

00:33:41.422 --> 00:33:42.937
That's no good.

00:33:42.937 --> 00:33:45.505
Those experiments have gone too far!

00:33:45.505 --> 00:33:47.279
We must stop it as quick as possible!

00:33:47.279 --> 00:33:51.110
Yes, let's find that "Dead Head" and rip it off.

00:34:00.540 --> 00:34:02.490
What is THAT?

00:34:02.490 --> 00:34:04.367
Something where we definitely shoudln't go.

00:34:04.367 --> 00:34:07.734
That's where they got cacodemons from.

00:34:07.734 --> 00:34:08.602
Have you been there?

00:34:08.942 --> 00:34:09.661
Yeah, happened to.

00:34:10.041 --> 00:34:10.773
And how is it?

00:34:11.073 --> 00:34:11.912
Scary.

00:34:12.312 --> 00:34:13.861
Maybe he went that way after all?

00:34:13.991 --> 00:34:15.511
What is he, a madman?

00:34:15.671 --> 00:34:16.109
Well...

00:36:06.726 --> 00:36:07.678
Open up.

00:36:28.928 --> 00:36:30.255
Look at that!

00:36:44.242 --> 00:36:45.692
Sehr gut, sehr gut.

00:36:51.330 --> 00:36:51.978
That's our man.

00:36:52.823 --> 00:36:53.958
A sick man.

00:36:54.210 --> 00:36:56.361
Well, depends on how you see it.

00:37:05.476 --> 00:37:07.415
Wow, a cut-you-in-halves device.

00:37:08.233 --> 00:37:09.201
A great thing.

00:37:09.512 --> 00:37:11.283
Brand-new German cutter.

00:37:12.247 --> 00:37:13.814
The cutter is easy to avoid -

00:37:14.132 --> 00:37:15.550
you just need to stand in front of it,

00:37:15.550 --> 00:37:18.194
and when it starts opening,
make a quick step forward.

00:37:30.774 --> 00:37:32.784
This corridor looks quite suspicious.

00:37:33.734 --> 00:37:34.244
Yeah.

00:37:37.654 --> 00:37:38.322
Run!

00:37:47.879 --> 00:37:49.478
Holy crap!

00:38:01.212 --> 00:38:02.045
What's next?

00:38:02.190 --> 00:38:02.923
Next...

00:38:05.515 --> 00:38:06.671
That's what's next.

00:38:17.101 --> 00:38:17.977
How are you?

00:38:18.400 --> 00:38:19.134
I'm fine.

00:38:23.318 --> 00:38:24.490
Well done!

00:38:24.910 --> 00:38:26.675
Hey people, what the war was about?

00:38:27.605 --> 00:38:29.589
Oh, Max! Hi!

00:38:29.759 --> 00:38:31.359
Tim? Hello.

00:38:31.809 --> 00:38:33.274
Lara, this is my friend Max.

00:38:33.274 --> 00:38:35.178
Max, it's Lara Croft, you see that?

00:38:35.604 --> 00:38:37.438
I see. Nice to meet you.

00:38:37.542 --> 00:38:39.403
Wow, everyone around know me.

00:38:39.633 --> 00:38:41.716
Well, you're sort of a pop star.

00:38:41.796 --> 00:38:42.828
Where are we?

00:38:43.018 --> 00:38:44.849
That's, uh, Wolfenstein.

00:38:44.939 --> 00:38:47.467
Ah, so that's why this place
seems so familiar.

00:38:47.667 --> 00:38:49.059
Are you lost or what?

00:38:49.059 --> 00:38:52.025
I can't find goddamn Delta complex here.

00:38:52.175 --> 00:38:53.709
We've seen the door you need.

00:38:53.869 --> 00:38:56.769
Go back there, then get down to the workshop,

00:38:56.769 --> 00:38:58.906
go past it, then turn to the right...

00:38:59.412 --> 00:39:01.008
and ask someone there for directions.

00:39:01.142 --> 00:39:02.752
There is nobody to ask anymore.

00:39:03.086 --> 00:39:04.817
Alright, I'll find it somehow.

00:39:04.913 --> 00:39:06.213
And what are YOU doing here?

00:39:06.826 --> 00:39:08.906
We are looking for Wilhelm the "Death's Head".

00:39:09.096 --> 00:39:13.139
Ah, the bald guy in leather threnchcoat? 
No, haven't seen him.

00:39:13.309 --> 00:39:15.440
There is nobody to ask anymore as well,
I guess?

00:39:15.440 --> 00:39:16.260
Well, yup.

00:39:16.470 --> 00:39:17.958
What's actually going on here?

00:39:17.958 --> 00:39:22.708
Oh, you know... Germans stole 
from Lara the unbelieavably powerful artifact.

00:39:22.708 --> 00:39:25.474
And want to leech all energy 
from different games with it.

00:39:25.474 --> 00:39:28.839
And now layers of virtual reality
started displacing.

00:39:29.109 --> 00:39:31.442
They even managed to bring Cacos here.

00:39:31.442 --> 00:39:33.750
And made a lotta space fluctuation.

00:39:34.420 --> 00:39:35.465
Horrifying.

00:39:35.565 --> 00:39:37.463
Gotta save this world again.

00:39:37.663 --> 00:39:39.170
And as soon, as possible.

00:39:39.560 --> 00:39:41.842
Yeah, do you happen to have some ammo?

00:39:41.842 --> 00:39:43.205
'Cause, you know...

00:39:43.560 --> 00:39:46.573
No problem, Lara's really packing,
ya know.

00:39:46.893 --> 00:39:48.200
Stop it, Tim!

00:39:48.633 --> 00:39:49.530
Thanks.

00:39:49.775 --> 00:39:50.714
And good luck...

00:39:51.094 --> 00:39:52.793
In your searching for stolen stuff.

00:39:52.793 --> 00:39:54.588
Bye. Good luck to you too.

00:39:54.900 --> 00:39:57.577
It was nice to meet you.

00:40:04.823 --> 00:40:06.378
How about a blue key?

00:40:07.126 --> 00:40:08.514
Let's go search for it

00:40:10.044 --> 00:40:12.693
You sent him there, but there're lasers
and the cutter.

00:40:13.372 --> 00:40:14.975
Those won't harm him.

00:40:14.975 --> 00:40:16.022
Why so?

00:40:16.212 --> 00:40:17.735
He is from different game.

00:40:17.825 --> 00:40:20.044
He has cutters of his own, we have ours.

00:40:20.044 --> 00:40:20.934
How is so?

00:40:20.934 --> 00:40:22.313
Haven't you read Pelevin?

00:40:22.543 --> 00:40:23.246
No.

00:40:23.505 --> 00:40:24.475
Bad for you!

00:40:24.506 --> 00:40:27.710
Prince of Gosplan is the best book
about video games.

00:40:35.694 --> 00:40:36.437
Run?

00:41:15.156 --> 00:41:15.889
Dead end.

00:41:16.592 --> 00:41:17.529
No, it's not.

00:41:27.309 --> 00:41:28.242
You coming or not?

00:41:29.321 --> 00:41:30.442
I am, give me a second.

00:43:03.371 --> 00:43:05.522
He wants to activate that thing!

00:44:00.462 --> 00:44:01.790
Chase him, quick!

00:44:05.561 --> 00:44:06.326
Lost him!

00:44:09.226 --> 00:44:10.745
I guess we're in trouble.

00:44:11.899 --> 00:44:12.673
Gas!

00:44:22.824 --> 00:44:24.266
What's happening, Lara?

00:44:24.462 --> 00:44:26.381
I think they want to poison us!

00:44:27.847 --> 00:44:29.304
Open up, hey!

00:44:31.849 --> 00:44:32.740
Nazi scum!

00:44:35.120 --> 00:44:35.670
Tim...

00:44:38.303 --> 00:44:39.968
Tim, I can't...

00:44:42.097 --> 00:44:43.177
Lara, hold on!

00:44:44.364 --> 00:44:45.099
Lara!

00:45:42.701 --> 00:45:45.667
Rise and shine, Mr. Freeman...

00:45:45.847 --> 00:45:47.174
I mean, Tim.

00:45:47.997 --> 00:45:49.551
Rise and...

00:45:49.551 --> 00:45:51.281
...sing us something.

00:45:51.792 --> 00:45:55.390
As always, you happened to be
in a wrong place in a wrong time.

00:45:55.728 --> 00:45:58.235
And now great deeds await you.

00:45:59.285 --> 00:46:01.071
So rise, Tim!

00:46:01.360 --> 00:46:04.411
Something has to be done with this world quick.

00:46:12.367 --> 00:46:13.078
Uuugh...

00:46:13.686 --> 00:46:14.557
Hi, Lara.

00:46:15.254 --> 00:46:17.145
Darn, I've just had a really nutty dream.

00:46:17.802 --> 00:46:18.601
Where are we?

00:46:19.144 --> 00:46:21.331
Welcome to castle Wolfenstein!

00:46:21.851 --> 00:46:23.342
In its dungeons, to be accurate.

00:46:24.402 --> 00:46:25.148
Wolfenstein?

00:46:25.418 --> 00:46:26.695
We got captured?

00:46:28.318 --> 00:46:29.177
Woah, who's that?

00:46:29.377 --> 00:46:30.989
Quiet, someone is coming.

00:46:51.102 --> 00:46:51.830
Hold on.

00:46:51.972 --> 00:46:53.212
There's another one.

00:46:57.908 --> 00:46:58.891
Drop the gun!

00:47:51.400 --> 00:47:52.144
Hands up!

00:47:53.984 --> 00:47:55.332
How many people are in the castle?

00:47:59.095 --> 00:48:00.566
Tim, put him on the table.

00:48:00.648 --> 00:48:01.152
Yup!

00:48:03.244 --> 00:48:04.257
Put the glass down.

00:48:04.257 --> 00:48:05.540
You won't need it anymore.

00:48:09.480 --> 00:48:11.208
You are free to go, comrade!

00:48:19.130 --> 00:48:20.018
Don't move!

00:48:21.088 --> 00:48:22.362
Quiet, quiet, you.

00:48:23.726 --> 00:48:24.675
Stay quiet!

00:48:38.028 --> 00:48:38.602
Tim!

00:49:01.512 --> 00:49:02.120
Tim!

00:49:12.899 --> 00:49:13.517
Died.

00:49:14.265 --> 00:49:15.494
So what were you talking about?

00:49:15.874 --> 00:49:18.569
Paranormal division of SS 
is being extracted.

00:49:18.799 --> 00:49:20.779
They depart to Tibet tomorrow.

00:49:20.779 --> 00:49:21.948
Death's Head is there.

00:49:22.478 --> 00:49:23.353
Why Tibet?

00:49:23.483 --> 00:49:25.272
They must be looking for Hyperborea.

00:49:25.412 --> 00:49:27.362
Sickos. And where do we go now?

00:49:28.052 --> 00:49:28.982
To the airdrome.

00:49:28.982 --> 00:49:31.179
We need to catch them there, let's go.

00:50:04.540 --> 00:50:05.703
You're pretty cruel, Lara.

00:50:06.143 --> 00:50:07.775
Look! Our stuff!

00:50:22.377 --> 00:50:23.747
I'll take this one.

00:50:28.295 --> 00:50:29.360
Lar, someone's coming!

00:54:04.693 --> 00:54:05.887
What is it, Tim?

00:54:06.677 --> 00:54:08.531
It's kinda too grim in here.

00:54:08.731 --> 00:54:10.670
Don't think about it, there's no time.

00:54:23.677 --> 00:54:25.867
- WELCOME TO 'QUAKE 3 ARENA'!

00:54:32.315 --> 00:54:33.346
What is that?

00:54:39.852 --> 00:54:40.852
- YOU HAVE TAKEN THE LEAD!

00:54:41.089 --> 00:54:41.887
Let's get out!

00:54:42.117 --> 00:54:43.644
It's gonna be really hard here soon!

00:54:58.859 --> 00:55:00.679
Where have we got ourslelves now?

00:55:00.709 --> 00:55:01.608
Dunno.

00:55:02.397 --> 00:55:04.644
But I think we need onto the other side.

00:55:04.896 --> 00:55:06.421
And how do we get there?

00:55:06.951 --> 00:55:09.249
Well, there should be some switch,

00:55:09.249 --> 00:55:12.707
that we need to pull 
so some bridge appeared.

00:55:13.017 --> 00:55:14.265
We have the switches...

00:55:14.705 --> 00:55:15.731
...on the other side.

00:55:19.328 --> 00:55:21.368
I wonder why are they there.

00:55:22.088 --> 00:55:23.978
Then, we should see for a button.

00:55:24.098 --> 00:55:25.447
Maybe behind that door?

00:55:25.941 --> 00:55:27.007
Let's find out.

00:55:45.229 --> 00:55:46.612
So we are looking for a button?

00:55:46.932 --> 00:55:47.848
Well, yes.

00:55:49.874 --> 00:55:53.180
What's wrong, Lara? Isn't that
your element?

00:55:53.830 --> 00:55:54.614
What do you mean?

00:55:54.854 --> 00:55:57.358
I mean, you explore basements
like this one really often.

00:55:57.818 --> 00:56:01.116
Exactly, I know such places very well.

00:56:01.366 --> 00:56:03.677
They're always inhabited 
by something nasty.

00:56:03.867 --> 00:56:08.455
Oh, every time I play Tomb Raider, you
just run through corridors completely alone.

00:56:08.455 --> 00:56:09.921
Don't even have anything to shoot at.

00:56:10.108 --> 00:56:13.955
That's because Tomb Raider is an adventure, 
not a regular pew-pew game.

00:56:14.065 --> 00:56:14.625
What?!

00:56:15.242 --> 00:56:19.418
So you see shooters as 
low-level entertainment for numbskulls?

00:56:19.597 --> 00:56:20.816
You said it yourself.

00:56:21.126 --> 00:56:22.276
And you meant it!

00:56:22.523 --> 00:56:24.678
Take it easy, i don't actually think so.

00:56:24.798 --> 00:56:27.279
I also have to shoot sometimes, after all.

00:57:47.380 --> 00:57:48.402
Tim, behind you!

00:57:55.282 --> 00:57:56.796
They're millions here, let's get out!

00:57:59.328 --> 00:58:00.449
Just a minute!

00:58:35.890 --> 00:58:36.898
What's next?

00:58:37.018 --> 00:58:37.850
Dunno.

00:59:01.197 --> 00:59:04.505
Excuse me, have you seen a white rabbit?

00:59:05.035 --> 00:59:09.283
The one with little red eyes, 
always looking at his watch?

00:59:09.693 --> 00:59:10.229
Yes.

00:59:10.349 --> 00:59:11.669
He also wears a vest.

00:59:14.200 --> 00:59:15.646
No, we haven't.

00:59:15.957 --> 00:59:16.911
Too bad!

00:59:17.371 --> 00:59:18.881
Pardon me, I've got to go.

00:59:20.845 --> 00:59:21.844
Alice, wait!

00:59:22.314 --> 00:59:24.980
You better don't go there,
it's pretty dangerous.

00:59:26.000 --> 00:59:29.230
Oh, don't worry, I can protect myself.

00:59:37.868 --> 00:59:40.866
Didn't you say earlier 
that everyone's got their own "cutters"?

00:59:41.107 --> 00:59:42.187
I did, yes.

00:59:42.629 --> 00:59:43.299
Still...

00:59:49.083 --> 00:59:50.687
She'll handle them.

00:59:50.867 --> 00:59:52.884
Yeh, those zombies're in trouble now.

01:00:11.620 --> 01:00:12.903
What was it?

01:00:13.393 --> 01:00:14.427
A fighter plane.

01:00:14.682 --> 01:00:16.888
Oh, look, what is it over there?

01:00:21.383 --> 01:00:22.322
Stay here.

01:00:31.343 --> 01:00:32.647
Amazing.

01:00:42.477 --> 01:00:44.989
You rock, Lara. Just like in circus!

01:00:45.255 --> 01:00:47.082
Let's keep going already.

01:00:57.041 --> 01:00:58.251
Locked.

01:01:18.484 --> 01:01:19.068
You saw that?

01:01:19.308 --> 01:01:20.947
I found a secret area.

01:01:21.270 --> 01:01:22.718
It's looted already though.

01:01:25.470 --> 01:01:26.900
And I picked the lock open.

01:01:27.334 --> 01:01:28.167
Let's go!

01:01:33.847 --> 01:01:34.847
Laaaraaa!

01:01:34.978 --> 01:01:36.602
So much port wine!

01:01:36.902 --> 01:01:39.318
Uh-huh, 
look what your port does to people.

01:01:52.641 --> 01:01:56.274
Lar, if I didn't know you're a lady,
I would think that you got possessed...

01:01:56.660 --> 01:01:58.369
I just don't like them.

01:03:17.779 --> 01:03:19.001
They're coming here.

01:05:17.549 --> 01:05:18.589
Tim, get at the wheel!

01:05:27.004 --> 01:05:28.440
Quick, turn around!

01:05:37.619 --> 01:05:39.705
Wait, stop turning around!

01:05:39.705 --> 01:05:40.611
To other side!

01:08:11.857 --> 01:08:18.156
"Mission passed!"
"Respect +"

01:08:51.303 --> 01:08:53.590
Listen, Lara, why are we here?

01:08:53.890 --> 01:08:56.368
Tomorrow we'll meet their troops 
on the airdrome.

01:08:56.368 --> 01:08:57.986
We've got to upgrade our car.

01:08:58.112 --> 01:08:59.611
And how far is the airdrome away?

01:08:59.941 --> 01:09:01.346
Just 2 kilometers north.

01:09:01.410 --> 01:09:03.063
Won't neighbors be a problem?

01:09:03.063 --> 01:09:04.071
What neighbours?

01:09:04.171 --> 01:09:06.985
All private vehicles 
are requisitioned due to war time needs.

01:09:07.075 --> 01:09:08.353
There is nobody than us.

01:09:08.776 --> 01:09:11.376
But these garages don't actually
look German.

01:09:11.596 --> 01:09:13.469
My neighbor has a garage just like this one.

01:09:13.759 --> 01:09:15.894
Tim, why do you care about that?

01:09:15.934 --> 01:09:18.199
We've got a place to prepare our car anyway.

01:09:18.287 --> 01:09:20.302
By the way, I always wondered...

01:09:20.412 --> 01:09:23.231
How do you keep so much gear 
in your tiny backpack?

01:09:23.411 --> 01:09:26.623
There is no actual gear in there, 
but its binary code.

01:09:27.333 --> 01:09:27.759
So?

01:09:28.239 --> 01:09:29.425
"So" what?

01:09:29.645 --> 01:09:30.749
So what then?

01:09:31.102 --> 01:09:34.197
I don't know how it works exactly myself.

01:09:34.197 --> 01:09:35.547
The Matrix things, to be brief.

01:09:35.747 --> 01:09:36.923
Are we starting to work or not?

01:09:37.113 --> 01:09:37.917
We are.

01:09:38.007 --> 01:09:39.105
So let's go then!

01:09:40.944 --> 01:09:43.013
"Pimp my ride"

01:11:35.200 --> 01:11:38.550
Yeeeah, with such ride we'll 
give them the hell of a battle.

01:11:38.660 --> 01:11:41.047
We'll get my artifact back and get out.

01:11:41.467 --> 01:11:42.320
But how?

01:11:42.530 --> 01:11:46.567
That torturer from the dungeon said that 
they'll take the Kraftraummaschine with them.

01:11:46.897 --> 01:11:47.727
I see.

01:11:48.667 --> 01:11:51.849
Listen, that means we're gonna have
our 'final level' tomorrow.

01:11:52.269 --> 01:11:52.859
Right.

01:11:53.379 --> 01:11:56.330
Which means they'll place 
against us a damn tough boss.

01:11:56.750 --> 01:11:57.788
A Super-soldier?

01:11:58.358 --> 01:11:59.172
Probably.

01:11:59.472 --> 01:12:03.708
Anyway, it's gonna be something big, 
steely and lock'n'loaded.

01:12:03.858 --> 01:12:07.648
This thing shoots 12mm rounds,
it can kill airplanes.

01:12:07.788 --> 01:12:09.273
Oh funny will it be.

01:12:09.363 --> 01:12:11.657
Yes, but now we've got to go to sleep,
it's late already.

01:12:11.937 --> 01:12:12.614
But where?

01:12:13.072 --> 01:12:14.873
I'll be sleeping upstairs, there is a sofa.

01:12:15.023 --> 01:12:16.822
Maybe it'll fit both of us?

01:12:16.962 --> 01:12:19.403
Nope, spend it in the car.

01:12:19.523 --> 01:12:21.864
Just don't correlate here anything.

01:12:25.064 --> 01:12:27.302
Good night, lady Croft.

01:14:37.513 --> 01:14:38.404
Is this it?

01:14:38.624 --> 01:14:39.178
Yes.

01:14:39.608 --> 01:14:42.615
The sacred pentacle of great Ishtar.

01:14:43.013 --> 01:14:46.546
This artifact contains huge magical power.

01:14:46.886 --> 01:14:47.581
Gold?

01:14:48.160 --> 01:14:50.200
No, it's Sumerian bronze.

01:14:50.440 --> 01:14:52.168
That must be around 6 kilograms.

01:14:52.807 --> 01:14:54.052
Oh, look!

01:14:59.982 --> 01:15:01.183
Into the car, quick!

01:15:24.779 --> 01:15:26.077
There's more of them!

01:16:00.128 --> 01:16:00.798
You OK?

01:16:05.792 --> 01:16:08.245
Our guns are nothing to it!

01:16:10.221 --> 01:16:11.574
Here, try this one.

01:16:12.172 --> 01:16:15.453
Lara! You're the best! It's like a dream!

01:16:18.803 --> 01:16:20.426
Hey, you've got the artifact.

01:16:20.546 --> 01:16:22.764
Cast something, and I'll cover you.

01:16:22.964 --> 01:16:25.773
I don't know what spells can it do!

01:16:25.963 --> 01:16:28.016
Well, try turning that thing into a rock.

01:16:40.929 --> 01:16:42.535
- YOU HAVE TAKEN THE LEAD!

01:16:43.379 --> 01:16:44.129
- EXCELLENT!

01:16:47.886 --> 01:16:49.296
- HOLY SHIT!

01:16:54.393 --> 01:16:55.854
Tim, it's not working!

01:16:56.014 --> 01:16:57.346
Put it into sunlight.

01:16:57.437 --> 01:16:58.187
And speak louder!

01:17:17.739 --> 01:17:19.277
Well, that will do.

01:17:19.721 --> 01:17:21.041
What is this shit, Lara?

01:17:21.321 --> 01:17:24.944
That's not shit, 
it's great Babylonian sacral stone.

01:17:24.984 --> 01:17:26.975
The goddess punishes sinners with it.

01:17:27.365 --> 01:17:29.021
And also they were 
noticed in Indiana Jones.

01:17:29.301 --> 01:17:29.915
Where?!

01:17:30.675 --> 01:17:32.663
Eh, nevermind. We did it!

01:17:32.943 --> 01:17:34.398
Yes, we did.

01:17:34.818 --> 01:17:36.622
Now we've got to find the teleport.

01:17:36.752 --> 01:17:38.066
It must be in that hangar.

01:17:39.036 --> 01:17:41.388
Yet I've got a feeling that
we forgot something.

01:17:41.388 --> 01:17:42.332
What is it?

01:17:42.822 --> 01:17:47.407
In the end of every decent journey, 
there is always a case with money appears.

01:17:47.407 --> 01:17:50.551
And what will we do with Reichsmarks? 
Emigrate to Argentina?

01:17:50.641 --> 01:17:53.697
In decent journey, 
there should be decent cash.

01:17:54.257 --> 01:17:55.904
Tim, you're so childish!

01:17:55.904 --> 01:17:57.922
Just you wait for a sec, look over there!

01:18:00.115 --> 01:18:01.774
So what did I just say?

01:18:01.774 --> 01:18:02.813
Give me a 'nade.

01:18:02.833 --> 01:18:03.624
Are you crazy?

01:18:04.159 --> 01:18:04.811
Don't you worry.

01:18:05.281 --> 01:18:05.841
Hold it.

01:18:22.101 --> 01:18:23.416
Don't you feel sorry for him?

01:18:23.695 --> 01:18:25.623
He has't done anything bad to us.

01:18:25.983 --> 01:18:27.458
That's not for sure yet.

01:18:27.788 --> 01:18:32.187
I know a nuclear physicist, who
had a really bad time because of him.

01:18:32.322 --> 01:18:34.754
So let him rest here. For a while.

01:18:34.865 --> 01:18:36.154
Until we get out.

01:18:39.040 --> 01:18:40.257
What is this?

01:18:40.687 --> 01:18:41.628
Dollars.

01:18:41.698 --> 01:18:43.044
Nigerian dollars.

01:18:43.594 --> 01:18:45.212
Decent journey his ass.

01:18:45.402 --> 01:18:46.722
What to do with these?

01:18:47.372 --> 01:18:49.506
Have a vacation in Nigeria, that's what.

01:18:49.606 --> 01:18:50.861
Exchange them to proper dollars there...

01:18:50.861 --> 01:18:52.099
We've got a lot anyway.

01:18:52.386 --> 01:18:54.016
Look, here's someone else.

01:18:59.187 --> 01:19:00.725
Where are these guys from?

01:19:00.815 --> 01:19:02.287
I have no idea.

01:19:02.467 --> 01:19:03.884
Hopefully they aren't for the cash.

01:19:03.904 --> 01:19:05.091
Just smile.

01:19:05.398 --> 01:19:06.437
H-hello!..

01:19:09.143 --> 01:19:10.297
Sergeant O'Connel.

01:19:10.297 --> 01:19:11.695
101st parachute division.

01:19:11.955 --> 01:19:14.000
We're looking for our men after landing.

01:19:14.000 --> 01:19:15.252
Have you seen anyone around here?

01:19:15.672 --> 01:19:16.454
No.

01:19:17.084 --> 01:19:18.597
And whose work is THAT?

01:19:18.787 --> 01:19:19.657
Dunno.

01:19:19.757 --> 01:19:20.885
We're archeologists -

01:19:20.885 --> 01:19:22.264
she is English, I'm Russian.

01:19:22.264 --> 01:19:23.279
Allies?

01:19:24.159 --> 01:19:25.205
Well, take care.

01:19:25.205 --> 01:19:26.792
These places are still full of Jerries.

01:19:27.419 --> 01:19:28.958
OK, guys, moving on!

01:19:31.145 --> 01:19:32.668
Did you understand any of this?

01:19:32.668 --> 01:19:36.502
I think we're observing the displacement
of layers of virtual reality.

01:19:36.832 --> 01:19:37.854
Well played.

01:19:37.954 --> 01:19:38.916
We must get out.

01:19:39.406 --> 01:19:42.004
Yes, there's somebody to
look after this place now.

01:19:49.963 --> 01:19:51.055
Is this the teleport?

01:19:51.055 --> 01:19:51.474
Yes.

01:19:51.814 --> 01:19:53.233
Der Kraftraummaschine.

01:19:53.233 --> 01:19:54.533
Do you know how it works?

01:19:54.533 --> 01:19:55.492
Let's find out.

01:20:13.037 --> 01:20:14.245
Just set it to Nigeria.

01:20:14.342 --> 01:20:16.521
You and your Nigeria can wait!

01:20:30.726 --> 01:20:32.097
Hey, what's that for?

01:20:34.237 --> 01:20:37.364
It's going to blow up in a minute
after we leave.

01:20:38.384 --> 01:20:40.164
And what if something'll go wrong?

01:20:41.834 --> 01:20:43.238
Everything'll be fine.

01:21:24.958 --> 01:21:26.606
What happened, Lara?

01:21:26.926 --> 01:21:28.822
Something went wrong...

01:21:35.051 --> 01:21:38.672
LAAAAARAAAAA!

01:21:54.206 --> 01:22:00.588
"Voice actors: Alexander Timchenko - Tim, sadist doctor;
Yelena Timchenko - Lara; Maxim Mamonov - Max;
Yury Kovalevich - Death's Head..."

01:22:00.613 --> 01:22:05.373
"...Valery Maksakov - sgt. O'Connel;
Dina Olenevich - Alice; Alexey Shevchenko, 
Yury Mosintsev & Vladimir Shestopalov - various Germans"

01:22:06.999 --> 01:22:13.624
"And, what's typical, nobody among them
was a professional voice actor. They're talented
in other fields of human activity, so don't be too severe..."

01:22:13.814 --> 01:22:21.639
"Direction, script, models, animation
and other CG, SFX: Alexander Timchenko"

01:22:21.639 --> 01:22:27.072
"The following software
was used during film creation: ..."

01:22:27.072 --> 01:22:30.606
"This film uses textures and sounds
from the following PC games: ..."

01:22:30.606 --> 01:22:39.086
"Music: ...DK - I don't love you, [...],
Umka and Br° - Hitch-hiking blues, some GTA 3 song,
Jan Ku - No one's gonna stop me,..."

01:22:39.086 --> 01:22:41.386
"...Dolphin - The spring, [...], 
Bondzinsky - Discipline..."

01:22:41.771 --> 01:22:50.038
"Well, it was very interesting and fun to mess around with this. 
Thanks to everyone who waited for its release..."

01:22:50.038 --> 01:22:55.918
"Particular thanks to Max Mamonov, Yury Kovalevich 
and Alexey Timchenko for periodical stimulating 
and motivating the process persuasively. That's all."

01:22:55.918 --> 01:23:00.437
[Captioned by Lgs_pro, aka Legooos,
corrected by Arch-Pig743]

01:23:00.437 --> 01:23:09.454
(c) 2011 "Limping dog", timmm3@yandex.ru