0:00:01.468,0:00:02.970
This piece is definitely about body image,

0:00:02.970,0:00:06.673
it's basically synthesizing over 2 decades of assholes.

0:00:06.673,0:00:10.510
Uh, get ready to get a little uncomfortable.

0:00:10.510,0:00:13.547
This is called "fat bottomed girls"

0:00:13.547,0:00:17.784
If every bastard who had ever judged my body

0:00:17.784,0:00:21.021
were lined up in front of me firing squad style,

0:00:21.021,0:00:24.573
and I were given the right to do with them as I pleased,

0:00:24.573,0:00:26.912
I would be at a loss.

0:00:26.912,0:00:29.141
I would probably yell "EAT ME!"

0:00:29.141,0:00:30.797
cuz I love a good fat girl pun.

0:00:30.797,0:00:33.567
But there's nothing else left inside

0:00:33.567,0:00:40.140
to make them understand the extreme ignorance and mis-spent pain that they embody.

0:00:40.140,0:00:41.448
You can all

0:00:41.448,0:00:42.609
just

0:00:42.609,0:00:43.770
fucking

0:00:43.770,0:00:45.349
eat me.

0:00:45.349,0:00:47.810
Devour my scarlet throbbing flesh

0:00:47.810,0:00:49.296
like junior high vultures.

0:00:49.296,0:00:51.293
Like sorority pledge councils.

0:00:51.293,0:00:53.253
Like debutante beauty queens.

0:00:53.253,0:00:54.776
I don't look like you.

0:00:54.776,0:00:57.516
What the fuck else is new?

0:00:57.516,0:01:00.534
There's no footnote in the regulations index of my life

0:01:00.534,0:01:02.095
that says I have to sleep on elipticals

0:01:02.095,0:01:04.668
and suck down the hopeful semen of boys named Jimmy

0:01:04.668,0:01:07.129
until you understand my body.

0:01:07.129,0:01:11.738
You wont ever understand my body.

0:01:11.738,0:01:13.816
I am Miss Piggy.

0:01:13.816,0:01:15.542
I am Mama Cass.

0:01:15.542,0:01:17.903
I am fuckin' Aretha.

0:01:17.903,0:01:20.643
And I love being these women.

0:01:20.643,0:01:23.050
I love being fat.

0:01:23.050,0:01:24.518
My thighs shriek rough and ready sex

0:01:24.518,0:01:26.216
like downtown thunder.

0:01:26.216,0:01:28.352
My ass drips vanilla milkshakes,

0:01:28.352,0:01:32.206
and my personal style is baby gay Madonna meets crop top goth

0:01:32.206,0:01:32.993
and it doesn't

0:01:32.993,0:01:34.064
fuckin'

0:01:34.064,0:01:35.271
matter.

0:01:35.271,0:01:36.850
Being fat doesnt make me different.

0:01:36.850,0:01:38.569
Fuck, I look like America.

0:01:38.569,0:01:39.866
But loving that I'm fat

0:01:39.866,0:01:43.724
makes me a Pillsbury rebellion.

0:01:43.724,0:01:47.485
I hold protests in my mouth every time I eat in public.

0:01:47.485,0:01:49.409
Picket signs wallpaper my willing body

0:01:49.409,0:01:51.758
when I dance naked in my apartment.

0:01:51.758,0:01:54.683
Riots Not Diets is tattoed across my chest.

0:01:54.683,0:01:58.631
And I live for the moment when I shock you into silence.

0:01:58.631,0:02:01.603
Because being me is fucking political.

0:02:01.603,0:02:04.204
And you never voted for this shit.

0:02:04.204,0:02:06.426
Body image is just bad English for

0:02:06.426,0:02:07.872
how hard you stomp the sidewalks

0:02:07.872,0:02:10.163
and how many cracks in the mirror you've traced.

0:02:10.163,0:02:12.005
I may have been picked last for softball,

0:02:12.005,0:02:14.142
but I was nationally ranked in tennis.

0:02:14.142,0:02:15.602
And you'll never be ready for this jelly

0:02:15.602,0:02:17.437
cuz all you eat are sad-ass spoonfulls of

0:02:17.437,0:02:20.540
organic low sodium peanut butter.

0:02:20.540,0:02:23.290
Speak the truth here.

0:02:23.290,0:02:27.914
Yeah, I tend to date black guys and I rarely say no to a homemade baked good,

0:02:27.914,0:02:29.606
but that says no more about me than

0:02:29.606,0:02:32.886
how you chew Big Red compulsively when you're nervous

0:02:32.886,0:02:37.357
or how you can never say no to your mother says about you.

0:02:37.357,0:02:39.226
So just let it be.

0:02:39.226,0:02:40.394
We're grownups now,

0:02:40.394,0:02:41.495
I think.

0:02:41.495,0:02:43.213
There are no more lunchtime kickball teams,

0:02:43.213,0:02:45.399
and I already have a date to the next dance,

0:02:45.399,0:02:47.401
so, when you feel the need

0:02:47.401,0:02:52.672
to pretend to be concerned about my "health" or "well-being",

0:02:52.672,0:02:54.741
just know that I've already let go of the trigger,

0:02:54.741,0:02:57.331
firing squad style.

0:02:57.331,0:02:58.845
Just know that you don't have to count the calories

0:02:58.845,0:03:00.814
when I tell you to fucking

0:03:00.814,0:03:02.950
eat me.

0:03:02.950,0:03:06.553
[APPLAUSE]