WEBVTT
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... outside of what, uh, seems really comfortable and familiar to you,
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and launch out into some real, for you, unknown territory.
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And you haven't gone out there,
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like you haven't, you know, gotten in proximity to black people as you say,
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because you don't have to.
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And that's part of what it means to be American to me,
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is to have all these things that you can do if you want to,
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that you don't have to do if you don't want... don't wanna do,
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and there's a way in which American, and white, and human, become synonyms.
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That "why can't we just treat each other as human beings?",
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to me, when I hear it from a white person,
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means "why can't we all just pretend to be white people.?
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I'll pretend you're a white person, [laughing] and then you can pretend to be white"
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"why don't you eat what i eat?"
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"why don't you drink what I drink?"
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"why don't you think like I think?"
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"why don't you FEEL LIKE I FEEL?"
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"GOD DAMMIT I'M SO SICK AND GODDAMNED TIRED OF HEARING ABOUT THAT."
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"I'M SICK OF THAT".
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That's what it means to be human beings to me,
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that's what it means to be white,
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that's what it means to be American,
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why don't you come the hell over here,
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that's what I hear every goddamned day,
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and you know that I can't come over there,
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you know that this skin,
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and that this hair,
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and that this way that I talk
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and I think
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and I feel
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will never
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ever
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get included
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because I'm unpalatable to this goddamn nation.
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I'm unpalatable.
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You cannot swallow me.
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You cannot taste me.
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You cannot tell me because you don't want to.
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You think that you can survive without me,
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but you can't, man.
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You think, and you think that,
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hey it'll all be fine when we just treat each other like human beings.
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And what that says to me is: don't be yourself, be like me.
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Keep me comfortable,
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connect when I'm ready to connect,
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come out to my place,
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or maybe I'll come down and get some artifacts from your place.
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Uh uh.
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That is bullshit.
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[breathing heavily]
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When you say that your ethicity is American,
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there is no American ethnicity.
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You had to throw away your ethnicity to become American.
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That's what it means.
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That's what it means.
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You give up who you are to become American.
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And you can pretend that it's ok because you're white.
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When we give up who we are to become American,
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we know that we're dying from it.
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You're dying from it too, but you don't know it necessarily.
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Get ethnic, y'know?
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Y'know, I'm not gonna trust you until you're as willing to be changed
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and affected by my experience,
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and transformed by my experience,
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as I am every day by yours.
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I attended a school for the first time that was predominantly white,
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and I had white teachers,
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and I walked into the classroom,
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and there were 3 reading groups in my 5th grade classroom,
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and I was promptly put into the lowest reading group.
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And I gathered very quickly
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that that was because I'm of African and American descent.
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Then they put me in the internediate reading group,
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and then they put me into the highest reading group,
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and y'know, I just boiled and churned through the whole process
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because my reading level was higher than anything they had in the classroom.
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I'm always dealing with you.
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I'm always dealing with you.
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You don't deal with him,
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you don't deal with me,
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maybe you had an opportunity to deal with some Latino people,
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but we always deal with you, baby.
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Always.
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Every day.
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In the ride up here,
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it's like oh man where are we now?
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Oh god! I hate being out of the city.
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Because I know who's out here... you all.
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Or at least I know who's in charge,
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even if there's other people out here,
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I know who's in charge,
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and I don't know anywhere where I can find some safety that I can rely upon.
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When I'm out here.
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You know, I'm real glad I got to the house before sundown.
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[Loren] yeah, it's like shark-infested waters.
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[David C] Really?
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[Loren] Yes, definitely.
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It doesn't have to be said.
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It can be felt,
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it's... intuitive.
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It's... hard to explain to someone who doesn't have to go through it,
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but, you know, I've traveled down south,
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and y'know... just that feeling...
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like you said, you get... you know...
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drive through Kentucky and Tennessee
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and see the Appalachian mountains up ahead of you,
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and know you want to get through those mountains so fast without stopping for anything,
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because you don't know if you'll get out.
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Driving through Ukiah,
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a big pickup was behind me with a gun rack on the back, you know?
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I was nervous.
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And there was... and I've never been hurt by somebody on the freeway with a gun rack,
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you know, that's never happened to me, but the fear is still there.
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The fear is still there,
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because I know it can happen.
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I know it can happen
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because it has happened.
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Not to me, but to people who look just like me.
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Or who don't look just like me.
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I've got the fear.
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I don't want to stop.
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I don't want to be out on a road around here.
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I tell ya, it's scary, with the gun racks.
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I've done workshops...
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[David C] Do you kow what the gun racks are all about?
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[Gordon] Can I...
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[David C] Sure Gordon.
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[Gordon] Because this is my experience.
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I don't feel safe with those people.
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And that's a stereotype about me,
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and people who have gun racks and pickup trucks,
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but I've had, I used to do a workshop in this area,
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a little further east from here called the Mill Experience,
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and I had 7 shotgun holes through the sign that I had out on the road,
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and picked up the shells and still got em.
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I can't feel what I know Victor feels up here,
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but I got a piece of it.
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It's just scary.
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And I don;t know how to deal with it.
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When my father hit Texas, he never stopped,
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he went straight through Texas.
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We didn't stop,
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well we must have stopped for food, I can't believe that,
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but I don't remember stopping.
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I know we didn't stop to sleep.
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I mean, it's like he wanted to get out of that state as fast as he could.
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I had no comprehension... and especially from you,
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you Latinos,
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that you are frightened to come up highway 101.
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That is, uh, in my opinion, unfounded.
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An unfounded fear and apprehension on your parts.
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Unfounded??
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There's that word again...
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This valley is not hostile to Latinos.
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[Loren Moye] How can you say that? You're not Latino?
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No, it's not hostile to Latinos.
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[David L] Can I just...
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[David C] And Victor and Loren here are expressing feelings that
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I... I'm afraid that these feelings, there will be no progress, and no change in racism.
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The fear of colour will remain
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the gap isn't being bridged here.
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[Loren] I thought Victor explained that very clearly,
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that we ... we've changed, as far as we're gonna change...
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Yeah, and you're expecting a change from the white person...
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[Loren] Exactly.
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And I'm saying to you, you're the same as I am, and you don't believe that.
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And I think that that really may be more predominant than you think.
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But what about guys like Colin Powell?
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[others laughing]
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You know... why do you laugh about that?
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[Loren] I'm not laughing. I think it's a serious issue.
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He did make it, but what did he make?
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There are many professors in the California college system that are coloured,
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and they're respected and...
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[Victor] "Coloured".
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Well... what... African American, Chinese, and Latino, what do you want me to do?
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Let's lump it all together in one term, coloured.
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I'm coloured,
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I'm white.
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You called me white, and I'm a colour.
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[Loren] Let's go back to Colin Powell, Colin Powell's responsible for killing...
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This is emotional, and this is totally normal,
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and, to be so emotional about this topic.
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And I think I feel a lot of frustration here David,
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and I think, um, you have to listen to our experiences because they're valid.
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I believe that, they are valid for you...
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Well I don't think you do, because, let me tell you why I don't think you do.
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It souds like, you're bouncing it back to them and saying
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"it's your problem, why do you guys act like this? You guys can drive down the street , down highway 101..."
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[David C] And I can go into Chinatown...
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[David L] No. Listen to me...
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[David C] ...and be frightened to death...
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[David L] Well, listen to me, part of, I mean, when I drove...
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[David C] And I do get frightened...
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[David L] You gotta listen to me.
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[Yutaka] Breathe.
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[David C taking a deep breath]
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[David L] When I drive down highway 101, you know, I didn't feel quite comfortable either.
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[David C] Really?
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[David L] No, but let me tell you my experience, where I'm coming from.
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I grew up, I went to highschool in an all-white environment.
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I was the only person of colour in my highschool.
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I resented being Asian because I wasn't white.
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This kind of racism is in place so that people don't even think about it,
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it just happens.
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I just feel left out.
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When I stand in line in a counter to be served, to buy something,
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and the white person who comes after me gets served first,
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it's not done on purpose,
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it's because the person doesn't see me.
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I'm invisible to that white person,
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to the clerk.
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You see?
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I'm invisible.
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That happens to me.
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I was talking to some friends in a restaurant,
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got the same thing as you, David,
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but they started asking me the order, get their food, to get their food, y'know?
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Started ordering and looking up at me.
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It's this insidious thing that you deal with daily.
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Every day I go to a professional workshop
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"oh! Don't I know you? I met you at the last one!"
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[laughing]
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You know?
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Every fuckin' time.
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If not once, several times.
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Every time, no one recognizes, y'know, we all look alike, right?
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And this is a continual thing.
00:10:08.850 --> 00:10:10.777
Continual.
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Even, y'know, I... took your comment out of naïveté earlier
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when you said "well, you don't look Japanese, I'm not sure what you look like, y'know?"
00:10:20.420 --> 00:10:31.431
And uh, but, this happens, it's just... in the air that you breathe.
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And all these things are... seem like doors to shut you out from something.
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What I see from, uh, white people generally,
00:10:43.777 --> 00:10:46.580
is that they don't talk about themselves as white people.
00:10:46.580 --> 00:10:48.975
They talk about themselves as human beings,
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as if it means the same thing.
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Now, what I wanna know is what it means to be white.
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Not what it means to be a human being,
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because we already know that you're a human being,
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and we can already relate to the universal human experience.
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What is the white experience?
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When I, uh, uh, look at you manifesting your white experience,
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I also see you not naming it.
00:11:17.077 --> 00:11:18.679
I see you want it to blur the distinctions,
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between just being a person
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and also, most particularly, being a white person,
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and what that means.
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And I think that part of what it means to be white
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is never, it means never having to say you're sorry,
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but it also means never having to admit
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that to be white means something different than to be a person of colour,
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and that there is an experience that you have
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that is very different from what the experience of people of colour is.
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I'm sure that there were many times that I felt that, uh, people of colour were being mistreated,
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probably when I was in my late teens going down to, uh, basically black areas
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and seeing the cops around a lot.
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We'd go down there and dance,
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uh, and see the police around.
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But I don't think there was a lot of awareness,
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it was more just... a numbess...
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I... it doesn't happen to me,
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it doesn't happen in my area,
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uh, and so... that's somebody else's problem.
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I never consider myself as you do,
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a part of an ethnic group.
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I think that's what you're looking for,
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and you're not going to find that among us,
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because we don't look at ourselves as an ethnic group.
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[Victor] Do you know that that means something?
00:12:34.492 --> 00:12:35.972
[David C] I don't know what it means, I mean...
00:12:36.064 --> 00:12:38.191
[Victor] I'm telling you that that means something...
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[David C] I'm trying to answer your question Victor,
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and as you were asking that question, I'm saying, well gosh,
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I never considered myself part of a white group.
00:12:48.186 --> 00:12:49.202
I just wonder,
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doesn't it seem kina deep to you
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that you don't have an answer to that question?
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That you have no, do you have any notion that
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the fact that you have no answer to that could actually
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be a source of meaning, experience, or knowledge?
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The opposite is how I feel about you, Victor.
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That you have no comprehension that the world is open to you.
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You think that the white man is a block and a dam to your progress,
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and he is not.
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I think you put up that dam and that block yourself,
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in your regard to the white man.
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[Loren] See I think that's one of the major problems with racism.
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I think he did answer the question.
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As a white man, he doesn't have to think about his position in life,
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his place in the world.
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The history books tell him, as they are written,
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that this world is his.
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He doesn't have to think about um you know
00:13:40.520 --> 00:13:42.422
where he goes, what he does.
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He doesn't have to think like a white person.
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The way the world has been set up,
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America in particular,
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white is, is human.
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[Roberto] ... that white is a human being.
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[Loren] Right. That's what a human being is.
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So he doesn't have to worry
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about what, how do I think like a white person.
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That does, I...
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I don't know, but I would assume that doesn't enter a white person's mind,
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because they don't, they don't have to deal with that from day one.
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They step into a world that is theirs.
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[Hugh] It's a good question...
00:14:14.287 --> 00:14:16.590
[some talking over one another]
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[Victor] I need to respond to your saying that... that I create uh my own racial predicament
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by my thinking and my attitudes?
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[David C] You block your progress...
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[Victor] I block my own progress?
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[David C] By allowing your attitude toward the white man to limit you.
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[Victor] I think the police limit me.
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I think that white supremacy has placed limitations on where I can go and what I can do.
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But I don't think that, that I cause my own predicament under uh white supremacy...
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and by white supremacy I don't mean uh Neo Nazis, and I don't mean Klan,
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because I'm not...
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I'm terrified of those people...