("First of May" - Jonathan Coulton Performed in Sign Language by Stephen Torrence, Kevin Saunders and Greg Briley) [Instrumental] I woke up this morning MORNING I AWAKE I had a scone and a large house blend SCONE EAT, COFFEE DRINK And then a little conversation with my squirrel and chipmunk friends SQUIRREL, CHIPMUNK FRIEND [ix-loc] CONVERSE I said I’m sick and tired of winter I TELL-THEM WINTER SICK-OF-IT And I wish that it was spring I WISH SPRING START SOON And then a little fellow named Robin Red Breast BIRD ROBIN FLY-DOWN began to sing START SING And he sang HE SING Ooh ooh child, what’d you think [O-handshape] CHILD YOU THINK the cold winter’s gonna last forever? WINTER CONTINUE? Ooh ooh child, now’s the time for all the people [O-handshape] NOW ALL PEOPLE MUST COME- to get together outside TOGETHER OUTSIDE Cause it’s the first of May, first of May NOW MAY 1ST, MAY 1ST Outdoor fucking starts today FUCK++ OUTSIDE START TODAY So bring your favorite lady BRING YOUR FAVORITE WOMAN Or at least your favorite lay OR YOUR FAVORITE HOOKER The water’s not cold baby dip in your big toe WATER FINE, TOE DIP-IN Maybe I’ll see you in flagrante delicto MAYBE I SEE-[you] NAKED Grass below you, sky above GRASS FLOOR, SKY Celebrate spring with a crazy little thing called CELEBRATE SPRING HOW? fucking outside FUCK++ OUTSIDE I thanked him for the information THANK-[him] FOR INFORM I cried a little when he flew away HE FLY, I CRY I watched an episode of The People’s Court I WATCH TV And I tried to plan my day MY DAY TRY PLAN I called up my old lady WIFE CALL-[her] She wasn’t home so I called my girl NOT HOME, MY GIRL CALL-[her] I asked her if she’d like to join me as I ASK-[her] IF SHE WANT TWO-OF-US Entertain the world WORLD ENTERTAIN And I said I SAY Ooh ooh child, I’ll bring a blanket and I promise [O-handshape] CHILD, BLANKET BRING, I will brush the ants off ANTS I WIPE-OFF Ooh ooh child, you’re gonna like it [O-handshape] when we’re taking each other’s pants off outside PANTS++ REMOVE, YOU ENJOY OUTSIDE Cause it’s the first of May, first of May NOW MAY 1ST, MAY 1ST Outdoor fucking starts today FUCK++ OUTSIDE START TODAY So bring your favorite lady BRING YOUR FAVORITE WOMAN Or at least your favorite lay OR YOUR FAVORITE HOOKER The water’s not cold baby dip in your big toe WATER FINE, TOE DIP-IN Maybe I’ll see you in flagrante delicto MAYBE I SEE-[you] NAKED Grass below you, sky above GRASS FLOOR, SKY Celebrate spring with a crazy little thing called CELEBRATE SPRING HOW? fucking outside FUCK++ OUTSIDE So we went to the park together TWO-OF-US GO-TO PARK We were walking in the midday sun NOON WALKING We met all kinds of people and we MEET+++ We fucked everyone FUCK+++ We fucked a lady who sells ice cream WOMAN ICE CREAM VENDOR, FUCK-[her] We fucked a man with a tan Shar Pei MAN WITH DOG TAN, FUCK-[him] Everyone who needed fucking well they ALL PEOPLE NEED SEX They got fucked today THEY FUCK+++ So come on COME Ooh ooh child, open your mind and your heart, [O-handshape] CHILD MIND, HEART OPEN++, feel the spirit moving through you FEEL HEAT [all-over] Ooh ooh child, you’ll feel the warmth of the love [O-handshape] CHILD YOU FEEL LOVE when I stick it to you outside WHEN I FUCK-[you] OUTSIDE Cause it’s the first of May, first of May NOW MAY 1ST, MAY 1ST Outdoor fucking starts today FUCK++ OUTSIDE START TODAY So bring your favorite lady BRING YOUR FAVORITE WOMAN Or at least your favorite lay OR YOUR FAVORITE HOOKER The water’s not cold baby dip in your big toe WATER FINE, TOE DIP-IN Maybe I’ll see you in flagrante delicto MAYBE I SEE-[you] NAKED Grass below you, sky above GRASS FLOOR, SKY Celebrate spring with a crazy little thing called CELEBRATE SPRING HOW? Fucking outside FUCK++ OUTSIDE Fucking outside FUCK++ OUTSIDE Fucking outside FUCK++ OUTSIDE WHAT THE FUCK?!? (left) Sorry, Dad / (right) Sorry, Mom SORRY, DAD / SORRY, MOM (Thanks for watching!) (Check out BadPhilosophy.com) (And join my channel to see more ASL songs!)