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("First of May" - Jonathan Coulton
Performed in Sign Language by Stephen Torrence, Kevin Saunders and Greg Briley)

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[Instrumental]

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I woke up this morning
MORNING I AWAKE

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I had a scone and a large house blend
SCONE EAT, COFFEE DRINK

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And then a little conversation with my squirrel and chipmunk friends 
SQUIRREL, CHIPMUNK FRIEND [ix-loc] CONVERSE

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I said I’m sick and tired of winter
I TELL-THEM WINTER SICK-OF-IT

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And I wish that it was spring 
I WISH SPRING START SOON

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And then a little fellow named Robin Red Breast
BIRD ROBIN FLY-DOWN

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began to sing
START SING

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And he sang
HE SING

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Ooh ooh child, what’d you think 
[O-handshape] CHILD YOU THINK

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the cold winter’s gonna last forever?
WINTER CONTINUE?

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Ooh ooh child, now’s the time for all the people
[O-handshape] NOW ALL PEOPLE MUST COME-

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to get together outside
TOGETHER OUTSIDE

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Cause it’s the first of May, first of May 
NOW MAY 1ST, MAY 1ST

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Outdoor fucking starts today
FUCK++ OUTSIDE START TODAY

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So bring your favorite lady
BRING YOUR FAVORITE WOMAN

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Or at least your favorite lay
OR YOUR FAVORITE HOOKER

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The water’s not cold baby dip in your big toe 
WATER FINE, TOE DIP-IN

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Maybe I’ll see you in flagrante delicto
MAYBE I SEE-[you] NAKED

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Grass below you, sky above
GRASS FLOOR, SKY

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Celebrate spring with a crazy little thing called 
CELEBRATE SPRING HOW?

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fucking outside
FUCK++ OUTSIDE

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I thanked him for the information
THANK-[him] FOR INFORM

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I cried a little when he flew away
HE FLY, I CRY

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I watched an episode of The People’s Court 
I WATCH TV

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And I tried to plan my day
MY DAY TRY PLAN

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I called up my old lady
WIFE CALL-[her]

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She wasn’t home so I called my girl
NOT HOME, MY GIRL CALL-[her]

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I asked her if she’d like to join me as 
I ASK-[her] IF SHE WANT TWO-OF-US

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Entertain the world
WORLD ENTERTAIN

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And I said
I SAY

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Ooh ooh child, I’ll bring a blanket and I promise
[O-handshape] CHILD, BLANKET BRING,

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I will brush the ants off
ANTS I WIPE-OFF

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Ooh ooh child, you’re gonna like it 
[O-handshape]

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when we’re taking each other’s pants off outside
PANTS++ REMOVE, YOU ENJOY OUTSIDE

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Cause it’s the first of May, first of May
NOW MAY 1ST, MAY 1ST

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Outdoor fucking starts today
FUCK++ OUTSIDE START TODAY

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So bring your favorite lady
BRING YOUR FAVORITE WOMAN

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Or at least your favorite lay
OR YOUR FAVORITE HOOKER

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The water’s not cold baby dip in your big toe 
WATER FINE, TOE DIP-IN

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Maybe I’ll see you in flagrante delicto
MAYBE I SEE-[you] NAKED

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Grass below you, sky above
GRASS FLOOR, SKY

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Celebrate spring with a crazy little thing called
CELEBRATE SPRING HOW?

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fucking outside
FUCK++ OUTSIDE

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So we went to the park together
TWO-OF-US GO-TO PARK

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We were walking in the midday sun
NOON WALKING

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We met all kinds of people and we 
MEET+++

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We fucked everyone
FUCK+++

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We fucked a lady who sells ice cream
WOMAN ICE CREAM VENDOR, FUCK-[her]

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We fucked a man with a tan Shar Pei
MAN WITH DOG TAN, FUCK-[him]

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Everyone who needed fucking well they
ALL PEOPLE NEED SEX

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They got fucked today
THEY FUCK+++

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So come on
COME

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Ooh ooh child, open your mind and your heart,
[O-handshape] CHILD MIND, HEART OPEN++,

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feel the spirit moving through you
FEEL HEAT [all-over]

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Ooh ooh child, you’ll feel the warmth of the love [O-handshape]
CHILD YOU FEEL LOVE

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when I stick it to you outside
WHEN I FUCK-[you] OUTSIDE

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Cause it’s the first of May, first of May
NOW MAY 1ST, MAY 1ST

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Outdoor fucking starts today
FUCK++ OUTSIDE START TODAY

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So bring your favorite lady
BRING YOUR FAVORITE WOMAN

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Or at least your favorite lay
OR YOUR FAVORITE HOOKER

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The water’s not cold baby dip in your big toe
WATER FINE, TOE DIP-IN

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Maybe I’ll see you in flagrante delicto
MAYBE I SEE-[you] NAKED

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Grass below you, sky above
GRASS FLOOR, SKY

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Celebrate spring with a crazy little thing called
CELEBRATE SPRING HOW?

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Fucking outside
FUCK++ OUTSIDE

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Fucking outside
FUCK++ OUTSIDE

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Fucking outside
FUCK++ OUTSIDE

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WHAT THE FUCK?!?

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(left) Sorry, Dad / (right) Sorry, Mom
SORRY, DAD / SORRY, MOM

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(Thanks for watching!)

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(Check out
BadPhilosophy.com)

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(And join my channel
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