[Script Info]
Title: 
[Events]
Format: Layer, Start, End, Style, Name, MarginL, MarginR, MarginV, Effect, Text
Dialogue: 0,0:00:13.40,0:00:14.75,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I am going to talk to you tonight
Dialogue: 0,0:00:14.75,0:00:15.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,about coming out of the closet.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:16.49,0:00:17.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And not in the traditional sense,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:17.76,0:00:19.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,not just the "gay" closet.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:19.90,0:00:21.49,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I think we all have closets,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:22.23,0:00:24.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,your closet may be telling someone
Dialogue: 0,0:00:24.08,0:00:25.61,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you love her for the first time.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:25.87,0:00:27.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Or telling someone you're pregnant.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:28.14,0:00:29.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Or telling someone you have cancer.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:30.50,0:00:32.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Or any of the other hard conversations
Dialogue: 0,0:00:32.99,0:00:34.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,we have throughout our lives.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:34.62,0:00:38.27,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,All the closet is, \Nis a hard conversation.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:38.82,0:00:41.77,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And although our topics \Nmay vary tremendously,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:41.77,0:00:44.81,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the experience of being in \Nand coming out of the closet
Dialogue: 0,0:00:44.81,0:00:46.27,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,is universal.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:46.71,0:00:49.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It is scary, and we hate it,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:50.06,0:00:51.55,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and it needs to be done.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:52.72,0:00:55.77,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Several years ago, I was working \Nat the Southside Walnut Café,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:55.77,0:00:57.73,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:00:57.73,0:00:59.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,a local diner in town,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:59.56,0:01:00.89,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and during my time there,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:00.89,0:01:04.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I would go through phases \Nof militant, lesbian, intensity.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:04.50,0:01:06.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:01:06.00,0:01:07.71,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Not shaving my armpits,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:07.71,0:01:10.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,quoting Ani DiFranco lyrics as gospel,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:11.22,0:01:13.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and depending on the bagginess \Nof my cargo shorts,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:13.62,0:01:16.31,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and how recently I'd shaved my head,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:16.31,0:01:17.81,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the question would often \Nbe sprung on me,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:17.81,0:01:18.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,usually by a little kid:
Dialogue: 0,0:01:20.22,0:01:23.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"Mmmm, are you a boy, \Nor are you a girl?"
Dialogue: 0,0:01:24.97,0:01:26.91,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And there would be \Nan awkward silence at the table,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:27.86,0:01:29.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I'd clench my jaw a little tighter,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:30.17,0:01:32.45,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,hold my coffee pot \Nwith a little more vengeance,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:33.29,0:01:35.83,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the Dad would awkwardly \Nshuffle his newspaper,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:35.83,0:01:38.06,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and the Mom would shoot \Na chilling stare at her kid.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:38.50,0:01:39.75,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But I would say nothing,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:40.17,0:01:41.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and I would seethe inside.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:42.40,0:01:43.55,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And it got to the point that everytime
Dialogue: 0,0:01:43.55,0:01:45.09,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I walked up to a table that had a kid
Dialogue: 0,0:01:45.09,0:01:46.45,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,anywhere between 3 and 10 years old,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:46.45,0:01:47.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I was ready to fight.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:47.90,0:01:49.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:01:49.62,0:01:51.42,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And that is a terrible feeling.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:51.42,0:01:53.39,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So I promised myself \Nthat the next time,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:53.39,0:01:54.93,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I would say something.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:55.55,0:01:57.51,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I would have that hard conversation.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:57.78,0:01:59.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So within a matter of weeks, \Nit happens again:
Dialogue: 0,0:01:59.98,0:02:02.53,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"Are you a boy, or are you a girl?"
Dialogue: 0,0:02:03.09,0:02:04.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Familiar silence.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:05.02,0:02:06.26,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But this time, I am ready.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:06.26,0:02:10.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And I am about to go \Nall Woman Studies 101 on this table.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:10.90,0:02:12.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:02:12.66,0:02:14.94,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I've got my Betty Friedan quotes,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:14.94,0:02:16.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I've got my Gloria Steinem quotes,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:16.98,0:02:19.94,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I even got this little bit from\NVagina Monologues I'm gonna do,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:20.47,0:02:22.67,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,so I take a deep breath, \Nand I look down,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:23.98,0:02:25.45,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and staring back at me
Dialogue: 0,0:02:25.45,0:02:27.45,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,is a 4-year old girl in a pink dress.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:27.85,0:02:30.25,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Not a challenge to a feminist duel,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:30.25,0:02:32.25,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,just a kid, with a question:
Dialogue: 0,0:02:33.17,0:02:34.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"Are you a boy, or are you a girl?"
Dialogue: 0,0:02:35.29,0:02:37.09,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So I take another deep breath,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:37.09,0:02:38.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,squat down next to her and say:
Dialogue: 0,0:02:38.22,0:02:40.59,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"Hey, I know it's kind of confusing,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:40.59,0:02:41.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,my hair is short like a boy's,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:41.96,0:02:43.16,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and I wear boys' clothes,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:43.16,0:02:44.31,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but I'm a girl
Dialogue: 0,0:02:44.31,0:02:46.23,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and you know how sometimes \Nyou like to wear a pink dress,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:46.23,0:02:48.74,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and sometimes you like \Nto wear your comfie jammies,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:48.74,0:02:50.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,well, I'm more of \Na comfie jammies kind of a girl."
Dialogue: 0,0:02:51.88,0:02:52.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:02:52.64,0:02:54.61,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And this kid looks me dead in the eye
Dialogue: 0,0:02:54.61,0:02:55.54,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,without missing a beat and says:
Dialogue: 0,0:02:55.54,0:02:57.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"My favorite pajamas are purple
Dialogue: 0,0:02:57.58,0:02:59.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,with fish, can I get a pancake please?"
Dialogue: 0,0:02:59.68,0:03:02.39,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:03:02.39,0:03:04.23,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And that was it, just:
Dialogue: 0,0:03:04.23,0:03:07.43,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"Oh, OK, you're a girl. \NHow 'bout that pancake?"
Dialogue: 0,0:03:07.43,0:03:08.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:03:08.56,0:03:13.04,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It was the easiest hard conversation \NI have ever had.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:13.43,0:03:14.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And why?
Dialogue: 0,0:03:14.60,0:03:16.03,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Because Pancake Girl and I,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:16.03,0:03:18.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,we were both real with each other.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:19.15,0:03:20.100,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So, like many of us,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:20.100,0:03:22.84,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I've lived in a few closets in my life,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:22.84,0:03:25.69,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and yeah, most often, \Nmy walls happen to be rainbow.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:26.08,0:03:27.71,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But inside, in the dark,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:28.08,0:03:30.21,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you can't tell what color the walls are.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:30.21,0:03:31.71,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You just know what it feels like
Dialogue: 0,0:03:31.71,0:03:33.24,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to live in a closet.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:33.71,0:03:36.73,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So really, my closet \Nis no different than yours,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:37.18,0:03:38.41,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,or yours,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:38.86,0:03:40.07,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,or yours.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:40.52,0:03:42.23,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Sure, I can give you 100 reasons
Dialogue: 0,0:03:42.23,0:03:43.13,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,why coming out of my closet
Dialogue: 0,0:03:43.13,0:03:44.43,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,was harder than coming out of yours,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:44.43,0:03:45.31,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but here's the thing,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:45.31,0:03:46.34,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,hard is not relative,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:46.34,0:03:48.05,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,hard is hard.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:48.76,0:03:49.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Who can tell me
Dialogue: 0,0:03:49.58,0:03:51.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that explaining to someone
Dialogue: 0,0:03:51.22,0:03:52.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you've just declared bankrupcy
Dialogue: 0,0:03:52.52,0:03:53.57,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,is harder than telling someone
Dialogue: 0,0:03:53.57,0:03:54.73,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,when you just cheated on them.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:54.73,0:03:55.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Who can tell me
Dialogue: 0,0:03:55.79,0:03:57.31,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that his coming out story
Dialogue: 0,0:03:57.31,0:03:59.01,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,is harder than telling your 5-year old
Dialogue: 0,0:03:59.01,0:04:00.17,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you're getting a divorce.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:00.17,0:04:01.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,There is no "harder",
Dialogue: 0,0:04:01.28,0:04:03.23,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,there is just "hard."
Dialogue: 0,0:04:03.79,0:04:05.85,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We need to stop ranking our "hard"
Dialogue: 0,0:04:05.85,0:04:07.11,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,against everybody else's "hard"
Dialogue: 0,0:04:07.11,0:04:09.12,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to make us feel better \Nor worse about our closet
Dialogue: 0,0:04:09.12,0:04:10.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and just commiserate on the fact
Dialogue: 0,0:04:10.58,0:04:12.83,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that we all have "hard."
Dialogue: 0,0:04:13.59,0:04:15.17,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,At some point in our lives,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:15.17,0:04:16.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,we all live in closets,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:16.88,0:04:18.29,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and they may feel safe.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:18.59,0:04:20.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Or at least, safer than what lies
Dialogue: 0,0:04:20.56,0:04:21.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,on the other side of that door.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:22.06,0:04:23.25,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But I'm here to tell you,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:23.76,0:04:25.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,no matter what your walls are made of,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:25.77,0:04:29.14,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,a closet is no place \Nfor a person to live.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:29.91,0:04:30.74,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Cheers)\N(Applause)
Dialogue: 0,0:04:30.74,0:04:32.04,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Thanks.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:34.01,0:04:36.31,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So why is coming out of any closet,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:36.31,0:04:37.71,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,why is having that conversation,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:37.71,0:04:39.27,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,why is it so hard?
Dialogue: 0,0:04:40.11,0:04:41.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Because they're stressful.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:42.29,0:04:43.82,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We're so concerned about the reaction
Dialogue: 0,0:04:43.82,0:04:45.65,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,of the other person, and understandably.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:46.35,0:04:47.63,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Will they be angry?
Dialogue: 0,0:04:47.63,0:04:48.31,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Sad?
Dialogue: 0,0:04:48.31,0:04:49.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Disappointed?
Dialogue: 0,0:04:49.86,0:04:50.85,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Will we loose a friend?
Dialogue: 0,0:04:50.85,0:04:51.51,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,A parent?
Dialogue: 0,0:04:51.51,0:04:52.33,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,A lover?
Dialogue: 0,0:04:52.33,0:04:53.84,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,These conversations cause stress.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:54.63,0:04:56.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So let's kick out \Non stress for a minute.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:56.93,0:04:59.47,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Stress is a natural reaction\Nin your body.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:00.03,0:05:01.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,When you encounter a perceived threat,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:01.90,0:05:02.95,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-- keyword, "perceived" --
Dialogue: 0,0:05:03.24,0:05:05.57,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,your hypothalamus sounds the alarm,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:05.57,0:05:06.94,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and adrenaline and cortisol
Dialogue: 0,0:05:06.94,0:05:08.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,start coursing through your veins.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:08.90,0:05:10.21,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,This is known as
Dialogue: 0,0:05:10.21,0:05:12.65,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Fight or Flight.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:12.65,0:05:14.01,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Sometimes you rumble,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:14.01,0:05:15.15,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,sometimes you run.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:15.15,0:05:17.45,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And this is a totally normal reaction.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:17.45,0:05:19.19,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And, comes from a time
Dialogue: 0,0:05:19.19,0:05:22.13,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,when that threat was \Nbeing chased by a wooly mammoth.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:22.95,0:05:24.16,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The problem is
Dialogue: 0,0:05:24.16,0:05:25.89,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,your hypothalamus has no idea
Dialogue: 0,0:05:25.89,0:05:27.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,if you're being chased \Nby a wooly mammoth,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:27.90,0:05:29.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,or if your computer just crashed,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:29.46,0:05:31.16,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,or if your in-laws just showed up \Non your doorsteps,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:31.16,0:05:32.57,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,or if you're about \Nto jump out of a plane,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:32.57,0:05:34.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,or if you need to tell someone you love
Dialogue: 0,0:05:34.00,0:05:35.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that you have a brain tumor.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:36.27,0:05:37.26,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The difference is
Dialogue: 0,0:05:37.84,0:05:39.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the wooly mammoth \Nchases you for, what,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:39.66,0:05:40.97,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,maybe 10 minutes.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:40.97,0:05:42.71,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Not having those hard conversations,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:42.71,0:05:44.14,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that can go on for years,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:44.14,0:05:48.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and your body just can't handle that.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:48.08,0:05:50.72,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Chronic exposure to adrenaline and cortisol
Dialogue: 0,0:05:50.72,0:05:53.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,disrupts almost every system in your body
Dialogue: 0,0:05:53.46,0:05:55.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and can lead to anxiety,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:55.10,0:05:56.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,depression, heart disease,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:56.62,0:05:57.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,just to name a few.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:57.96,0:05:59.94,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,When you do not have hard conversations,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:01.03,0:06:03.07,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,when you keep the truth about yourself a secret,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:03.07,0:06:05.84,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you're essentially holding a grenade.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:06.72,0:06:08.67,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So, imagine yourself
Dialogue: 0,0:06:09.39,0:06:10.29,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,20 years ago.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:11.00,0:06:11.74,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Me,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:12.82,0:06:14.54,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I had a pony tail,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:14.61,0:06:15.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,a strapless dress,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:15.98,0:06:17.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and high heel shoes.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:17.46,0:06:19.51,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I was not the militant lesbian
Dialogue: 0,0:06:19.51,0:06:22.35,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,ready to fight any 4-year old \Nthat walked into the café.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:22.35,0:06:23.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:06:23.98,0:06:25.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I was frozen by fear,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:25.89,0:06:27.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,curled up in a corner
Dialogue: 0,0:06:27.08,0:06:29.26,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,of my pitch-black closet,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:29.26,0:06:31.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,clutching my gay grenade.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:31.66,0:06:33.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And moving one muscle
Dialogue: 0,0:06:33.50,0:06:35.16,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,is the scariest thing
Dialogue: 0,0:06:35.16,0:06:36.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I have ever done.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:37.96,0:06:38.97,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,My family,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:38.97,0:06:39.57,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,my friends,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:39.57,0:06:40.23,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,complete strangers,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:40.23,0:06:41.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I had spent my entire life
Dialogue: 0,0:06:41.60,0:06:42.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,trying to not disappoint these people.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:42.90,0:06:46.06,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And now, I was turning \Nthe world upside down.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:46.41,0:06:47.65,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,On purpose.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:48.54,0:06:50.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I was burning the pages of the script
Dialogue: 0,0:06:50.30,0:06:52.45,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,we had all followed for so long,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:52.45,0:06:53.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but if you do not throw that grenade,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:53.90,0:06:55.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,it will kill you.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:56.48,0:06:58.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,One of my most memorable grenade-tosses
Dialogue: 0,0:06:58.32,0:06:59.77,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,was at my sister's wedding.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:59.77,0:07:03.04,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:07:03.04,0:07:04.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It was the first time \Nthat many on attendance
Dialogue: 0,0:07:04.86,0:07:06.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,knew that I was gay.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:06.30,0:07:07.69,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So in doing my Maid of Honor duties,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:07.69,0:07:10.04,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,in my black dress and heels,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:10.69,0:07:11.83,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I walked around the tables,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:11.83,0:07:14.31,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and finally landed at the table \Nof my parents' friends,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:14.31,0:07:15.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,folks that had known me for years.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:16.90,0:07:18.81,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And after a little small talk,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:18.81,0:07:20.31,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,one of the women shouted out:
Dialogue: 0,0:07:20.31,0:07:21.78,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"I love Nathan Lane!"
Dialogue: 0,0:07:23.18,0:07:25.04,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And the battle of gay relatebility
Dialogue: 0,0:07:25.04,0:07:26.15,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,had begun.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:26.15,0:07:27.85,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"Ash, have you ever been to the Castro?"
Dialogue: 0,0:07:27.85,0:07:30.35,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"Well, yeah, actually, \Nwe have friends in San Francisco."
Dialogue: 0,0:07:30.35,0:07:31.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"We've never been there,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:31.32,0:07:33.05,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but we hear it's 'fa-bu-lous'!!"
Dialogue: 0,0:07:33.05,0:07:34.82,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"Ash, do you know my hairdresser Antonio,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:34.82,0:07:38.09,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,he's really good, and \Nhe's never talked about a girlfriend."
Dialogue: 0,0:07:38.09,0:07:39.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"Ash, what's your favorite TV show?
Dialogue: 0,0:07:39.66,0:07:41.83,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Our favorite TV show: \Nfavorite, Will and Grace,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:41.83,0:07:43.47,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you know who we love? Jack.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:43.47,0:07:44.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Jack is our favorite."
Dialogue: 0,0:07:44.80,0:07:46.72,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And then one woman,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:46.72,0:07:48.07,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,stumped,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:48.07,0:07:50.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but wanting so desperately\Nto show her support,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:50.30,0:07:52.67,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to let me know she was on my side,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:52.67,0:07:54.04,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,she finally blurted out:
Dialogue: 0,0:07:54.04,0:07:57.71,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"Well, sometimes my husband \Nwears pink shirts."
Dialogue: 0,0:07:57.71,0:08:00.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:08:00.58,0:08:02.15,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And I had a choice in that moment,
Dialogue: 0,0:08:02.15,0:08:04.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,as all grenade-throwers do.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:04.65,0:08:06.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I could go back to my girlfriend,
Dialogue: 0,0:08:06.22,0:08:07.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and my gay-loving table,
Dialogue: 0,0:08:07.64,0:08:09.55,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and mock their responses.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:10.09,0:08:11.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Chastise their unworldliness,
Dialogue: 0,0:08:11.64,0:08:12.89,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and their inability to jump through
Dialogue: 0,0:08:12.89,0:08:14.29,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the politically-correct gay hoops
Dialogue: 0,0:08:14.29,0:08:15.43,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I had brought with me,
Dialogue: 0,0:08:15.43,0:08:16.24,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,or,
Dialogue: 0,0:08:16.56,0:08:18.07,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I could empatize with them,
Dialogue: 0,0:08:18.07,0:08:19.47,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and realize that that was maybe
Dialogue: 0,0:08:19.47,0:08:21.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,one of the hardest things \Nthat they had ever done.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:21.80,0:08:23.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,That starting,
Dialogue: 0,0:08:23.34,0:08:24.93,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and having that conversation,
Dialogue: 0,0:08:25.44,0:08:27.61,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,was them coming out of their closets.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:27.61,0:08:28.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Sure, it would have been easy
Dialogue: 0,0:08:28.98,0:08:30.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to point out where they fell short.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:30.56,0:08:31.71,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's a lot harder
Dialogue: 0,0:08:31.71,0:08:33.11,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to meet them where they are,
Dialogue: 0,0:08:33.11,0:08:34.25,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and acknowledge the fact that
Dialogue: 0,0:08:34.25,0:08:35.18,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,they were trying,
Dialogue: 0,0:08:35.18,0:08:37.78,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and what else can you ask someone to do,
Dialogue: 0,0:08:37.78,0:08:39.26,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but try.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:40.45,0:08:42.24,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,If you're going to be real with someone,
Dialogue: 0,0:08:42.24,0:08:43.54,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you've got to be ready
Dialogue: 0,0:08:43.54,0:08:45.19,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,for real in return.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:46.09,0:08:48.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So, hard conversations \Nare still not my strong suit.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:48.86,0:08:50.77,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Ask anybody I've ever dated.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:51.26,0:08:52.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But I'm getting better.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:53.04,0:08:54.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And I follow what I like to call
Dialogue: 0,0:08:54.74,0:08:56.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,'The Three Pancake Girl Principles."
Dialogue: 0,0:08:56.30,0:08:57.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Now, please,
Dialogue: 0,0:08:58.04,0:08:59.89,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,view this through gay-colored lenses,
Dialogue: 0,0:08:59.89,0:09:00.91,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but know,
Dialogue: 0,0:09:00.91,0:09:02.84,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,what it takes to come out of any closet,
Dialogue: 0,0:09:02.84,0:09:04.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,is essentially the same.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:05.25,0:09:06.09,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Number One:
Dialogue: 0,0:09:06.61,0:09:07.85,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Be Authentic,
Dialogue: 0,0:09:07.85,0:09:09.24,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,take the armor off, be yourself.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:09.24,0:09:10.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,That kid in the café
Dialogue: 0,0:09:10.28,0:09:11.35,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,had no armor,
Dialogue: 0,0:09:11.35,0:09:12.83,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but I was ready for battle.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:13.32,0:09:14.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Stupid hypothalamus.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:15.92,0:09:18.16,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,If you want someone to be real with you,
Dialogue: 0,0:09:18.16,0:09:20.75,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,they need to know that you bleed too.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:21.03,0:09:21.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Number Two:
Dialogue: 0,0:09:21.96,0:09:22.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Be Direct,
Dialogue: 0,0:09:22.70,0:09:24.06,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You say it, rip the bandaid off.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:24.06,0:09:25.23,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,If you know you are gay,
Dialogue: 0,0:09:25.23,0:09:26.47,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,just say it.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:27.17,0:09:28.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,If you tell your parents \Nyou might be gay,
Dialogue: 0,0:09:28.50,0:09:30.07,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,they will hold that hope \Nthat this will change.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:30.07,0:09:30.94,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Do not give them
Dialogue: 0,0:09:30.94,0:09:32.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that sense of false hope.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:32.88,0:09:34.83,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:09:34.83,0:09:36.45,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And Number Three,
Dialogue: 0,0:09:36.45,0:09:37.92,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and most important:
Dialogue: 0,0:09:37.92,0:09:42.25,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:09:42.25,0:09:44.17,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Be Unapologetic.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:46.05,0:09:47.63,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You are speaking your truth.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:47.99,0:09:50.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Never apologize for that.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:51.82,0:09:54.04,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And some folks might \Nhave gotten hurt along the way.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:54.04,0:09:55.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So sure.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:55.10,0:09:56.100,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Apologize for what you've done.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:56.100,0:10:00.27,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But never apologize for who you are.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:00.87,0:10:02.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And yeah, some folks\Nmay be disappointed.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:03.14,0:10:04.39,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But that is on them.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:04.77,0:10:05.79,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Not on you.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:06.18,0:10:07.94,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Those are their expectations \Nof who you are,
Dialogue: 0,0:10:07.94,0:10:08.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,not yours.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:08.68,0:10:10.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,That is their story.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:10.38,0:10:12.17,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Not yours.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:13.21,0:10:14.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The only story that matters
Dialogue: 0,0:10:14.68,0:10:16.63,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,is the one that you want to write.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:16.63,0:10:19.19,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So the next time you find yourself
Dialogue: 0,0:10:19.19,0:10:20.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,in a pitchblack closet
Dialogue: 0,0:10:20.52,0:10:21.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,clutching your grenade,
Dialogue: 0,0:10:21.52,0:10:24.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,know that we've all been there before.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:24.22,0:10:26.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And you may feel so very alone,
Dialogue: 0,0:10:26.38,0:10:27.35,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but you are not.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:28.03,0:10:29.43,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And we know it's hard,
Dialogue: 0,0:10:29.43,0:10:31.25,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but we need you out here,
Dialogue: 0,0:10:31.84,0:10:34.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,no matter what your walls are made of.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:34.10,0:10:35.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Because I guarantee you
Dialogue: 0,0:10:35.64,0:10:37.11,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,there are others \Npeering through the keyhole
Dialogue: 0,0:10:37.11,0:10:38.18,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,of their closet
Dialogue: 0,0:10:38.18,0:10:39.41,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,looking for the next brave soul
Dialogue: 0,0:10:39.41,0:10:40.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to bust a door open
Dialogue: 0,0:10:40.48,0:10:41.81,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,so BE that person,
Dialogue: 0,0:10:42.78,0:10:44.87,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and show the world that \Nwe are bigger than our closets,
Dialogue: 0,0:10:45.31,0:10:47.35,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and that a closet is no place
Dialogue: 0,0:10:47.35,0:10:50.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,for a person to truly live.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:50.68,0:10:52.55,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Thank you Boulder, enjoy your night.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:52.55,0:10:56.55,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Cheers)\N(Applause)