1
00:00:07,644 --> 00:00:12,141
It's the mid '90s. Super Nintendo and Sega Genesis were the two big competitors.

2
00:00:12,141 --> 00:00:17,303
The 16-bit era was coming to an end, while the next generation consoles were on their way.

3
00:00:17,303 --> 00:00:22,308
The Sega Saturn, the PlayStation, and the Nintendo 64 were ready to hit the scene.

4
00:00:22,308 --> 00:00:28,541
The graphics were getting better, and video game companies were racing their technology to a never-ending finish line.

5
00:00:29,110 --> 00:00:34,624
During the ongoing delay of the Nintendo 64, Nintendo announced a new product to fill the time,

6
00:00:34,624 --> 00:00:40,492
and continue their successful line of portable game systems, beginning with the Game & Watch games and the Game Boy.

7
00:00:40,492 --> 00:00:45,624
The product, originally dubbed "VR32", would become known as the Virtual Boy.

8
00:00:45,624 --> 00:00:53,195
It made use of 3D technology, where each eye would see two separate screens and create the illusion of three-dimensional depth.

9
00:00:53,195 --> 00:01:00,894
Virtual reality seemed like the way of the future. Just the idea of feeling like you were in the game was an awesome concept.

10
00:01:00,894 --> 00:01:05,405
But instead, it turned out to be the grand motherlode of shit.

11
00:01:07,913 --> 00:01:11,758
The first problem was that it was marketed as a portable system.

12
00:01:11,758 --> 00:01:14,376
Yeah, portable! My ass is portable!

13
00:01:14,376 --> 00:01:18,462
You could barely find a comfortable way to play this big, red, ugly piece of shit at home,

14
00:01:18,462 --> 00:01:22,647
let alone bring it somewhere! Like, you couldn't play it in a car or something like that!

15
00:01:22,647 --> 00:01:28,660
And...come to think of it, you wouldn't want to play this thing in public anyway! You'd look like an asshole!

16
00:01:58,364 --> 00:02:01,585
Why isn't there a head strap? Let's think about this.

17
00:02:01,585 --> 00:02:08,724
This must be one of the worst designs for any invention in history! It's basically a pair of goggles on a stand!

18
00:02:08,724 --> 00:02:12,640
To me, that translates to a pair of eyeballs on legs.

19
00:02:12,640 --> 00:02:17,948
The controller's really weird, too. It has two D-pads and the battery pack is attached to it.

20
00:02:17,948 --> 00:02:24,093
You can swap it with an AC adapter, but when you're playing on a table, it can come loose and shut off your game!

21
00:02:24,093 --> 00:02:31,866
The 3D effects are hard to focus and they strain your eyes. There was even a warning on the box that said it could cause headaches and seizures.

22
00:02:31,866 --> 00:02:35,192
That's great, right? That's like the cherry on the shit sundae!

23
00:02:35,192 --> 00:02:38,897
How would you like to play bad games and have a headache, too?

24
00:02:38,897 --> 00:02:42,915
But, before I say the games are bad, let's take an honest look.

25
00:02:42,915 --> 00:02:50,964
Unfortunately, the only way I can record these games is to zoom into the eyepiece. So, please excuse the guerrilla-style videography.

26
00:02:50,964 --> 00:02:58,148
Let's begin with Mario's Tennis. This was one of the first Virtual Boy games to be released and it's usually the first one that most people have played.

27
00:02:58,148 --> 00:03:01,783
It starts out with Mario hitting a tennis ball right into your face.

28
00:03:01,783 --> 00:03:08,010
The 3D effect is actually pretty effective. But without experiencing the actual game, you can't see it.

29
00:03:08,010 --> 00:03:14,837
Now, the main thing that disappointed everybody right from the beginning was the fact that the games were all in red and black.

30
00:03:14,837 --> 00:03:19,542
Now, the original Game Boy was in black and white, or black and greenish-yellow, whatever.

31
00:03:19,542 --> 00:03:26,562
But the Virtual Boy was supposed to be cutting-edge, so, it was fair to expect it to be in color. What a letdown.

32
00:03:26,562 --> 00:03:31,585
Now, as for the game itself, it's just tennis, but with a selection of Mario characters.

33
00:03:31,585 --> 00:03:39,201
Not bad, but nothing special. The big problem for me, personally, what the hell kind of virtual reality game is this?

34
00:03:39,201 --> 00:03:44,882
I don't feel like I'm on the court interacting. I would have expected this to be in a first-person perspective.

35
00:03:44,882 --> 00:03:51,843
The whole idea of virtual reality is to simulate the experience of the game like you're actually in the environment.

36
00:03:51,843 --> 00:03:57,844
It's supposed to feel like reality, hence the term, "virtual reality".

37
00:03:57,844 --> 00:04:03,558
Here's another one, Galactic Pinball. Well, it's just a pinball game with a space theme.

38
00:04:03,558 --> 00:04:08,623
The 3D effects are pretty shallow on this one. Nothing ever really comes up in your face.

39
00:04:08,623 --> 00:04:11,723
To use the paddles, you hit the buttons on the bottom of the controller,

40
00:04:11,723 --> 00:04:17,396
which feels like using a real pinball machine, but you expect to be able hit the button harder to hit the ball harder.

41
00:04:17,396 --> 00:04:23,498
So, in the long run, it just makes you wish you were playing a real pinball machine instead, or, anything other than this!

42
00:04:23,498 --> 00:04:25,944
I feel like I'm taking an eye exam!

43
00:04:25,944 --> 00:04:28,960
And speaking of that, my eyes are starting to hurt already.

44
00:04:28,960 --> 00:04:33,473
If you play this long enough and go blind, you can really become the pinball wizard.

45
00:04:33,473 --> 00:04:38,145
Okay, now we have Teleroboxer. Kinda like Rock 'Em, Sock 'Em Robots.

46
00:04:38,145 --> 00:04:43,855
And holy shit, it's a first-person perspective! This is a little more like virtual reality!

47
00:04:43,855 --> 00:04:47,211
The gameplay is pretty much the same as Punch-Out!. You can punch to the face,

48
00:04:47,211 --> 00:04:51,847
punch to the body, hook, upper cut, duck, dodge, and you can make use of both D-pads,

49
00:04:51,847 --> 00:04:57,291
which individually control each arm, so you can block with one arm and punch with the other at the same time.

50
00:04:57,291 --> 00:05:01,648
It's not bad, and the 3D effects are cool, especially when your opponent knocks you out.

51
00:05:05,232 --> 00:05:10,876
Next up, Red Alarm. Well, "Red" is right. All the games should have had "Red" in the title.

52
00:05:10,876 --> 00:05:16,525
It's basically a flying game, like Star Fox. Remember what the graphics looked like on Star Fox?

53
00:05:16,525 --> 00:05:22,780
Everything was a polygon. But imagine that in red and black without any rendered shapes whatsoever.

54
00:05:22,780 --> 00:05:29,281
Everything's just a wire frame. It looks like a game that hasn't been finished. Worst of all, it's disorienting!

55
00:05:29,281 --> 00:05:33,379
If only there were some kind of texture, you'd be able to see where the boundaries are.

56
00:05:33,379 --> 00:05:38,677
But without it, you're just flying around with a bunch of lines! Often, I think I'm flying into an opening,

57
00:05:38,677 --> 00:05:43,746
but then I just find I'm butting against a wall! Look at this! Where am I supposed to go?

58
00:05:45,212 --> 00:05:50,702
One thing that's cool is that you can switch camera angles. I choose the POV because, after all,

59
00:05:50,702 --> 00:05:59,021
isn't this supposed to be virtual reality? Unfortunately, Red Alarm and Teleroboxer are the only two Virtual Boy games to have this feature.

60
00:06:01,160 --> 00:06:06,920
Next up is Wario Land. You take control of Wario with one basic goal: reach the end of each level.

61
00:06:06,920 --> 00:06:11,670
Along the way, you gotta find keys to open doors, collect treasures, and fight enemies.

62
00:06:11,670 --> 00:06:14,007
You stomp on them, throw them, or dash into 'em.

63
00:06:14,007 --> 00:06:19,370
There's also parts where you can leap into the background, obviously trying to cater to the 3D gimmick.

64
00:06:19,370 --> 00:06:26,489
But it's actually a good game. Damn good. But, only one problem: it's on Virtual Boy.

65
00:06:26,489 --> 00:06:30,632
Next, we have Panic Bomber. It's a puzzle game and a decent one, I might add.

66
00:06:30,632 --> 00:06:35,890
Basically, things fall down and you gotta match three of a kind in a row, in a column, or diagonal.

67
00:06:35,890 --> 00:06:42,176
The matched pieces disappear and you get bombs. When a lit bomb falls, you can use it to blow up the other bombs.

68
00:06:42,176 --> 00:06:48,451
Now, I have one question. Why in the holy mother of fuck does this need to be on Virtual Boy?

69
00:06:48,451 --> 00:06:52,557
It's a puzzle game! This is the kind of thing that belongs on Game Boy!

70
00:06:52,557 --> 00:06:58,772
Not only is there nothing remotely 3D or virtual reality-based, you can only play it alone.

71
00:06:58,772 --> 00:07:02,603
Aren't puzzle games most fun when you have friends to play with?

72
00:07:02,603 --> 00:07:06,989
Well, Virtual Boy actually had an extension port for a multiplayer cable.

73
00:07:06,989 --> 00:07:10,940
It would have been used to link two Virtual Boys, much like the Game Boy did.

74
00:07:10,940 --> 00:07:15,826
But the only problem, they never released the cable or made any games that supported it,

75
00:07:15,826 --> 00:07:21,680
because the Virtual Boy sucked so hard, it was retired before such a thing could be released!

76
00:07:21,680 --> 00:07:26,971
Next, we're up to Mario Clash. Every Nintendo console had its own definitive Mario title.

77
00:07:26,971 --> 00:07:29,025
And this, you would hope, would be decent.

78
00:07:29,025 --> 00:07:34,591
But what you get is basically a remake of the original 1983 Mario Bros. arcade.

79
00:07:34,591 --> 00:07:38,661
Each level is just one screen, and the goal is to knock out all the enemies,

80
00:07:38,661 --> 00:07:42,753
except for the Koopas, you stomp on them and use their shells to throw at the other enemies.

81
00:07:42,753 --> 00:07:47,569
Some of the enemies, like the ones with the three spikes on their back, have to be killed from a distance.

82
00:07:47,569 --> 00:07:51,381
So, it's basically Mario Bros. with a background and foreground.

83
00:07:51,381 --> 00:07:56,477
What bothers me about this game is just one simple problem. They swapped the buttons!

84
00:07:56,477 --> 00:08:02,548
B is jump and A throws shells! How did they fuck up the controls for a Mario game?

85
00:08:02,548 --> 00:08:08,954
Why change what we grew up with? Why change what's been firmly planted in our brains since childhood?

86
00:08:08,954 --> 00:08:15,719
There's also a bonus stage, and look what we have here: texture! It's nice to see a floor that's fully rendered for once.

87
00:08:15,719 --> 00:08:21,344
Overall, Mario Clash isn't bad, but it's repetitive. And it goes on for 99 levels,

88
00:08:21,344 --> 00:08:28,715
probably making it the longest Virtual Boy game. And since it causes eye strain, it shouldn't be finished in one sitting.

89
00:08:28,715 --> 00:08:34,067
Next, Nester's Funky Bowling. Any subscriber to Nintendo Power knows who Nester is,

90
00:08:34,067 --> 00:08:40,703
and this is probably the only game he's ever been in. All I can say is it's bowling. That's what it is.

91
00:08:40,703 --> 00:08:47,382
But I don't know what's so funky about it. It's just an average bowling game with the same ten pins over and over.

92
00:08:47,382 --> 00:08:53,573
The animation on Nester's reactions is pretty fun to watch, but other than that, there's not much to say.

93
00:08:53,573 --> 00:08:56,124
Okay, next is Virtual League Baseball.

94
00:08:56,124 --> 00:09:00,780
You bat, you run, you pitch, you catch, you run, you throw, it's baseball.

95
00:09:00,780 --> 00:09:05,022
The music is pretty cool, and you get a nice 3D effect when it shows the field,

96
00:09:05,022 --> 00:09:09,535
kinda like you're sitting in the seats, almost like a (ahem) virtual reality feel.

97
00:09:09,535 --> 00:09:12,832
When it comes to batting, the hit detection is kinda awkward,

98
00:09:12,832 --> 00:09:16,553
and when you're in the outfield, it's like you need a microscope to see the players.

99
00:09:16,553 --> 00:09:24,139
It's such a strange sensation to be controlling sprites the size of ants, kinda like North & South on NES.

100
00:09:25,370 --> 00:09:32,051
Now, let's do Vertical Force. This one is a 2D shooter, kinda like Galaga, 1942, or R-Type.

101
00:09:32,051 --> 00:09:37,195
It's a genre that's classic. As classic as a good old TV screen.

102
00:09:37,195 --> 00:09:43,688
The only 3D part is that you can switch between two different altitudes, so it's kinda like 2D-3D.

103
00:09:43,688 --> 00:09:49,524
Sometimes, you gotta fly up or down to avoid obstacles. But most of the time, you can just stay where you are.

104
00:09:49,524 --> 00:09:57,532
The 3D effect isn't even that deep anyway. This is another perfect example of a game that doesn't need to be on Virtual Boy.

105
00:09:57,532 --> 00:10:04,090
Next is...Golf. That's it, just golf. Of all the games with this title, I'd stick to Golf on NES.

106
00:10:04,090 --> 00:10:12,205
You pick your club, you line up your shots, and that's about it. Just the idea of playing an 18-hole course on this makes me sick.

107
00:10:12,205 --> 00:10:17,968
The graphics are decent, but they beg to be in green and black rather than red and black.

108
00:10:17,968 --> 00:10:25,137
Well, it would be nice if it was in color, but let me tell you, if there's one color that I imagine when it comes to golf, it's fucking anything but red!

109
00:10:25,937 --> 00:10:31,763
Next, we have 3D Tetris. Now, anyone who's familiar with Tetris will immediately understand the concept.

110
00:10:31,763 --> 00:10:37,799
Blocks fall down and you have to put them together without leaving gaps. Any time you fill a whole row, they disappear.

111
00:10:37,799 --> 00:10:44,316
And the only difference is that it's in 3D, but that means it moves along a lot slower because there's a lot more space to fill.

112
00:10:44,316 --> 00:10:51,073
The A and B buttons turn the blocks around in the second dimension, while the right D-pad flips them in the third dimension.

113
00:10:51,073 --> 00:10:55,723
The left D-pad moves the pieces around to where you want to drop them, and it works quite well.

114
00:10:56,154 --> 00:11:02,868
3D Tetris and Teleroboxer are the only two Virtual Boy games that use both D-pads to do something different.

115
00:11:02,868 --> 00:11:08,477
Until the blocks drop down, they're transparent and they have little shadows to help you tell where they're gonna land.

116
00:11:08,477 --> 00:11:16,951
Also, the layout keeps moving, so they basically tried everything they could so that you won't get confused, but still, it's a little hard to tell what you're doing.

117
00:11:16,951 --> 00:11:23,336
The 3D aspect isn't even very unique. They could have made a game like this on just about any other console at the time.

118
00:11:23,336 --> 00:11:27,510
While the Virtual Boy does place parts of the graphics in front of other parts,

119
00:11:27,510 --> 00:11:34,144
the blocks here are just two-dimensional shapes drawn to give the feeling of the third dimension without actually doing so.

120
00:11:34,144 --> 00:11:41,319
It's like if I just draw on a piece of paper. There, that's 3D. I'd say just stick to regular Tetris.

121
00:11:42,365 --> 00:11:51,407
Well now, we saved the worst for last. It's Waterworld. Now, let's just stop for a moment and take this in, okay? (deep breath)

122
00:11:51,897 --> 00:11:55,802
Waterworld...on...Virtual Boy.

123
00:11:57,110 --> 00:11:59,711
It's like puking on a pile of shit!

124
00:11:59,804 --> 00:12:04,390
Alright. Here we go. Ocean presents Waterworld. How ironic.

125
00:12:04,590 --> 00:12:08,874
Well, as far as the graphics go, too bad they couldn't use the color blue.

126
00:12:08,874 --> 00:12:12,811
I mean, they had two choices for the water. It could have been red or black.

127
00:12:12,811 --> 00:12:19,403
Well, at least they chose black because if it was red, we'd be calling it "Bloodworld". Either way, it looks like shit.

128
00:12:19,403 --> 00:12:25,022
The object of the game is just to shoot everybody and rescue the people. It's basically a remake of Defender.

129
00:12:25,022 --> 00:12:30,438
There's not really any goal, other than getting a high score, which really helps, since it doesn't save any data.

130
00:12:30,438 --> 00:12:34,587
There's actually a 9-player mode, which I honestly find hard to believe.

131
00:12:34,587 --> 00:12:42,788
Could you imagine passing the Virtual Boy around a room to eight other people? I'd rather drink Kevin Costner's recycled piss water.

132
00:12:42,788 --> 00:12:48,141
Waterworld is the only movie-based game on Virtual Boy, and doesn't it seem like a match made in heaven?

133
00:12:48,141 --> 00:12:58,749
It's a perfect analogy: an over-budget, over-hyped movie turned into a game on a gimmicky, over-priced anal atom bomb of a console exploding with diarrhea!

134
00:12:59,703 --> 00:13:04,822
Well, that's it. The Virtual Boy was such a flop, it died in less than a year.

135
00:13:04,822 --> 00:13:12,077
Yeah, now I didn't pick these games - this is all of them. I just reviewed every Virtual Boy game to be released in North America.

136
00:13:12,077 --> 00:13:17,673
That's right. I am holding the entire library of games for this piece of shit in my one hand,

137
00:13:17,673 --> 00:13:23,870
with the exception of Jack Bros., with is rare, expensive, and probably not worth jack shit.

138
00:13:23,870 --> 00:13:28,811
It's time for an update, because now, I have Jack Bros., thank you very much!

139
00:13:28,811 --> 00:13:35,730
It's like I talk about shit, and somebody sends me shit. So, let's give it a look and make this whole episode complete.

140
00:13:35,730 --> 00:13:42,962
Jack Bros., here we go. It's in Japanese, and since this game's story-based, I'm not gonna be able to read any of the text.

141
00:13:42,962 --> 00:13:49,822
But the story doesn't concern us, we wanna know how it plays. You get a choice of three characters who look like Halloween mascots.

142
00:13:49,822 --> 00:13:55,721
Jack Frost, Jack Lantern, and a skeleton named Jack the Ripper. He's the coolest character,

143
00:13:55,721 --> 00:14:00,636
but his attack is just a sword, while the rest of the characters can shoot projectiles.

144
00:14:00,636 --> 00:14:04,208
That's real deceiving! It's almost like they planned it that way.

145
00:14:04,208 --> 00:14:09,122
Obviously you're gonna pick the fuckin' skeleton, but they give him the shittiest weapon!

146
00:14:09,122 --> 00:14:16,149
So it plays like a typical overhead view, where you have to fight monsters, collect keys, and find an exit before time runs out.

147
00:14:16,149 --> 00:14:22,895
Instantly, it reminds me of Gauntlet. And that's not a bad thing. For such a rare game, it's not half-bad.

148
00:14:22,895 --> 00:14:30,461
But it doesn't utilize the Virtual Boy in any unique way. It goes 3D a little when you drop to a lower platform,

149
00:14:30,461 --> 00:14:38,029
but overall it just comes down to the same thing. This should've been on Game Boy. This has nothing to do with virtual reality.

150
00:14:38,029 --> 00:14:44,005
I don't feel like I'm there! They didn't even try to make it virtual! Instead, they were just jackin' off!

151
00:14:44,005 --> 00:14:47,976
And that takes care of the whole Virtual Boy catalog.

152
00:14:47,976 --> 00:14:54,382
Now, to be fair, most of the games were okay, but they're the same kind of games you might as well be playing on a regular TV screen.

153
00:14:54,382 --> 00:15:02,815
I mean, they tried to take advantage of some 3D elements, but this wasn't called "3D Boy", it was called "Virtual Boy"!

154
00:15:02,815 --> 00:15:08,056
They didn't even attempt, they didn't even attempt a virtual reality concept.

155
00:15:08,056 --> 00:15:13,765
What it needed was some first-person shooter games. Like Doom. That would've been awesome!

156
00:15:13,765 --> 00:15:17,529
Now, it's been about ten years, the technology's gotten better,

157
00:15:17,529 --> 00:15:24,009
but nobody really gives a shit about virtual reality anymore. And maybe, that's for the best.

158
00:15:25,055 --> 00:15:26,984
[explosion]