[Script Info]
Title: 
[Events]
Format: Layer, Start, End, Style, Name, MarginL, MarginR, MarginV, Effect, Text
Dialogue: 0,0:00:00.09,0:00:08.25,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[MUSIC...]
Dialogue: 0,0:00:09.48,0:00:14.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,When I'm having sex with a partner it's really different than when I'm having sex with a date.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:14.44,0:00:19.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,When I'm having sex with a partner it's similar to when anyone from any other profession has sex with their partner.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:19.44,0:00:23.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But when I'm doing it for work, there's a different connotation there, and that's work.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:24.19,0:00:30.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,As a sex worker, you need to know as my partner that sometimes my work conditions aren't amazing,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:30.53,0:00:35.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you know, sometimes I'm working in places that are illegal, or not set up properly, or you know
Dialogue: 0,0:00:35.56,0:00:39.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,in some kind of situation that is , you know, doing my head in,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:39.28,0:00:42.49,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and when I come home and I winge to you about it, I need you to be supportive.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:42.49,0:00:46.04,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And like, if I was coming home and winging because a child care centre wasn't being run properly,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:46.04,0:00:50.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you would understand that there is a social justice element in me wanting to change that,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:50.80,0:00:52.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and the same is about sex work.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:52.28,0:00:55.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Don't tell me to stop working, don't tell me that's the way it is because I'm a hooker.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:55.88,0:01:01.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I'm trying to change things and I need you to just point blank support that.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:01.64,0:01:07.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I just want you to know that even though in my profession, my job, that I am creating these intimate moments with clients,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:07.36,0:01:12.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that that would never ever replace any type of intimate moment or intimate connection with you.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:13.03,0:01:23.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You need to understand that at work I'm empowered and not a victim of the patriarchy or perpetuating patriarchal ideals.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:24.69,0:01:35.89,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's not ok for you to tell other people that I'm a sex worker just to shock them or because it's cool, or to get activist credit or for any reason.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:36.86,0:01:41.37,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I'm the one who should tell people what I do for a living.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:42.00,0:01:47.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I really appreciate when I come home from a call and you ask me how it was and how I'm feeling,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:47.60,0:01:54.04,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and I really appreciate when you don't judge and help with some of the rituals and the things I need
Dialogue: 0,0:01:54.04,0:01:59.23,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to take my skin back and to feel away from the call and from work.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:59.37,0:02:06.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I'm often participating in sex worker only space, and we set up that space as sex workers as a safe space,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:06.80,0:02:16.13,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and I want you to not feel as though you have right to access that space purely because you're close to me.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:17.05,0:02:25.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You need to recognize the many reasons why sex workers, and I, have the need for those spaces
Dialogue: 0,0:02:25.82,0:02:33.39,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and recognize also that being close to me, as a sex worker, doesn't give you that entitlement.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:33.63,0:02:37.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,My real name versus my work name are different and they're separate for a reason.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:37.52,0:02:43.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So to not confuse work names and real names, you know, even if it's playful.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:43.48,0:02:48.42,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Everybody's limits around that are gonna be different, but you know for me it's a hard line.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:48.84,0:02:51.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Fucking men for money doesn't make me less queer.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:51.52,0:02:57.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Thank you for understanding that if I don't answer that phone when it rings, people don't call back.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:57.52,0:03:02.85,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So I need to take calls when they come in, and I know that that can really put a damper on our life,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:02.85,0:03:08.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to be in the middle of things and all of a sudden the phone rings and all of a sudden I'm in my other persona,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:08.08,0:03:10.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and thank you very much for putting up with it.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:11.45,0:03:19.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,What I want the partners of sex workers to know, if their partner is seeing, um you know, clients with HIV, is that
Dialogue: 0,0:03:19.44,0:03:26.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,quite often your partner has gone through a lot of work to, you know, be ok, and to hone their practice to be safe.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:26.80,0:03:29.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Um, you need to trust your partner,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:29.64,0:03:31.02,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and you also need to be I think honest about your concerns
Dialogue: 0,0:03:31.22,0:03:38.78,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,because quite often a sex worker who does see people with HIV has really worked through a lot of those issues
Dialogue: 0,0:03:38.78,0:03:43.92,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and overcome a lot of the messages that, you know, we are sent constantly, you know, by the community.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:44.72,0:03:49.04,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So, overcoming those sex work-negative messages in ourselves has taken a lot of work,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:49.59,0:03:54.83,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,so it's going to take a lot of work for somebody who hasn't had to ask themselves those questions.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:54.83,0:03:59.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's a journey that we've gone through, um, and, you know, you may not have been there for that journey,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:59.98,0:04:05.49,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but, you know, we'd like to tell you about it, and we'd like you to be ok with it.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:05.96,0:04:12.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,If you wanted me to continue to work, you had to be honest with me about if you can handle that or not.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:14.68,0:04:20.59,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Don't make me demonize my clients just to pander to your insecurities.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:20.67,0:04:26.04,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Um, I know that it can sometimes be hard for you to deal with the idea of me sleeping with somebody else,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:26.04,0:04:33.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but I am not going to lie about what a good time I had a work just to make you feel better.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:33.00,0:04:41.04,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,A lot of time I go to work and I have incredible sexual experiences and I see clients where we have the most amazing connection.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:41.04,0:04:47.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Actually a lot of the time the sex that I have with clients is different than the sex than I have with you only because you're different people,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:47.71,0:04:50.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,not because they pay me for it.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:50.88,0:04:54.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I wanna support you and I want to help you be ok,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:54.32,0:04:57.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but I can't do that if it means that I have to lie about how much I enjoy my job.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:58.04,0:05:01.12,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I really appreciate the fact that you've never asked me to stop working.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:01.12,0:05:12.16,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I don't think you really understand what my work means to me, but um, you do realize that it's something very important to me,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:12.16,0:05:16.31,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and so I appreciate that about you and about our relationship.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:16.76,0:05:24.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I want you to know no matter how many times I say yes to an appointment, yes to my clients, or
Dialogue: 0,0:05:24.32,0:05:27.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,yes to certain sex acts with my clients,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:27.36,0:05:30.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I still have the right to say no to you.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:30.70,0:05:38.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I understand that when you are dating someone who has mental illness issues and is a sex worker,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:38.64,0:05:43.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,it's really easy to get concerned with them about sex work.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:43.40,0:05:51.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,That is, what's often, it's often thought that sex workers are degraded, are fucked up by the work they do,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:51.56,0:05:57.16,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and sometimes I know it seems like I do work in ways that are destructive to me,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:57.16,0:06:02.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and when I have a mental illness it's easy to want to protect me around that stuff,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:02.44,0:06:10.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but I want you to trust that I know what I'm doing and that ways that I'm doing work that might seem like self harm to you,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:10.68,0:06:15.77,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,are things that I've thought out and are actually harm reduction to me.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:16.44,0:06:21.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Let me cry when work is tough
Dialogue: 0,0:06:21.20,0:06:32.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and let me rant when I wanna have conversations with clients and it turns out that they are super oppressive and racist,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:32.96,0:06:36.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and I have to come home to you to have those conversations.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:36.60,0:06:41.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We are all raised with a lot of internalized whorephobia about sex workers,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:41.28,0:06:48.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and from a very young age we're fed a lot of concepts about sex workers that are very violent and also very misrepresenting.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:48.48,0:06:51.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,If you're lucky enough to be dating a sex worker,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:51.32,0:06:56.24,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you need to understand that being close to a sex worker isn't gonna be enough for you to undo those ideas.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:56.24,0:07:02.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You actively have to seek out resources and books and information and other support
Dialogue: 0,0:07:02.44,0:07:07.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,for you to start undoing the socialized ideas you have about sex workers in your mind
Dialogue: 0,0:07:07.64,0:07:11.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,because it's not going to happen without you actively doing that work.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:11.08,0:07:15.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,If you're close to a sex worker, then doing that work is your responsibility.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:15.44,0:07:23.35,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I need you to know that even though you know my history and you know that part of my identity is being a survivor of sexual abuse,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:23.43,0:07:26.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and another part of my identity is being a sex worker,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:27.04,0:07:32.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that the two aren't related and there is no cause between them in my mind,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:32.52,0:07:41.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and that it's actually not your place to make that link or ever bring it up as a way of discrediting my choice of profession.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:41.48,0:07:48.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,They're two totally different parts of my identity to me, and I need you to respect that.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:48.00,0:07:51.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I want you to know that I chose you,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:51.76,0:07:57.03,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and that the intimacy and love that we share makes everything else that I do possible.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:57.28,0:08:03.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You didn't understand that it was work, and that it wasn't really about me looking for something that you couldn't give me.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:03.00,0:08:08.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It was just about me trying to pay my rent and trying to make my own way.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:08.48,0:08:15.49,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I wish that you could've just taken some time to talk to me about it.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:15.49,0:08:21.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I want you to know that it's ok to not be shiny happy with me being a sex worker all of the time,
Dialogue: 0,0:08:21.08,0:08:23.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,because loving a sex worker can be really hard.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:23.48,0:08:27.72,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Especially, you know, if you've never even known a sex worker before.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:27.72,0:08:31.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But that the important thing is to communicate how you're feeling and not to bottle it up.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:31.79,0:08:36.63,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So, it's ok if you're feeling a bit insecure or a bit sad or if you wanna ask questions,
Dialogue: 0,0:08:36.69,0:08:41.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but it's not ok to lash out at me and to tell me to stop working or that what I'm doing is wrong.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:41.88,0:08:43.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Sex work is work.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:45.21,0:08:51.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I previously thought that being in this line of work that I would be undateable, um,
Dialogue: 0,0:08:51.60,0:08:57.65,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and that it would be hard to find anyone who understands and still loves, knowing that I do sex work.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:57.65,0:09:03.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So I want to say thank you to my lover who is also an escort and a sex worker too.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[MUSIC...]