WEBVTT 00:00:12.030 --> 00:00:13.322 Good evening. 00:00:14.509 --> 00:00:17.604 What has become of our beautiful Saturday night? 00:00:17.604 --> 00:00:19.340 We used to sit at home, 00:00:19.340 --> 00:00:21.603 the bells started chiming at 6, 00:00:21.603 --> 00:00:23.869 then we had a bath in dad's dirty water., 00:00:23.869 --> 00:00:26.772 5 people ate one chicken. 00:00:26.772 --> 00:00:30.161 Nowadays it's the other way round: I eat 5 chickens. 00:00:32.484 --> 00:00:35.795 I am trying to lose weight. I'm doing something. 00:00:35.795 --> 00:00:36.577 I mean, it takes some time. 00:00:36.577 --> 00:00:38.691 I didn't eat everything in one day. 00:00:38.691 --> 00:00:41.601 You have to see where you are. 00:00:41.601 --> 00:00:44.150 You can't turn an elephant into a gazelle, that's not possible. 00:00:44.150 --> 00:00:46.218 But times have changed. 00:00:46.218 --> 00:00:48.608 Back then, we all sat in front of the TV at 8.15, 00:00:48.608 --> 00:00:51.117 watching Vico Torriani's "Der goldene Schuss." 00:00:51.117 --> 00:00:53.350 Explain that to the youngsters. 00:00:54.596 --> 00:00:56.436 They won't understand. 00:00:57.574 --> 00:01:00.107 The world is crazy. 00:01:00.107 --> 00:01:01.563 On New Years' Eve, we were invited. 00:01:02.886 --> 00:01:05.929 What did they serve? "Flying Buffet." 00:01:08.437 --> 00:01:11.517 Every 10 minutes, a guy with a frozen smile came 00:01:11.517 --> 00:01:14.183 with a half empty tray full of strange little pies 00:01:14.183 --> 00:01:17.063 That lasted all evening - to and fro, to and fro. 00:01:17.063 --> 00:01:19.286 If you were lucky, you got something. 00:01:19.286 --> 00:01:21.925 I watched that for half an hour, 00:01:21.925 --> 00:01:22.856 then I took one of those trays, 00:01:22.856 --> 00:01:24.070 sat down in a corner, 00:01:24.070 --> 00:01:25.516 and ate till I was full. 00:01:26.942 --> 00:01:27.934 That's true. 00:01:27.934 --> 00:01:29.004 That can't be true. 00:01:29.004 --> 00:01:32.223 New Years' Eve without frankfurters and sauerkraut is like Christmas without a tree. 00:01:32.992 --> 00:01:35.097 Sure, it's... Yes, times have changed. 00:01:35.097 --> 00:01:35.844 You have to cope with that. 00:01:35.844 --> 00:01:37.893 Now my wife comes because of the cold winter. 00:01:37.893 --> 00:01:38.929 She wanted to have a wood stove. 00:01:38.929 --> 00:01:41.461 I told her: "If you like, you can have one." 00:01:41.461 --> 00:01:44.926 Now she's warm twice: Once when she chops the wood, and once when she burns it. 00:01:52.321 --> 00:01:54.344 I didn't want to have it. 00:01:54.344 --> 00:01:55.869 That's how times are changing. 00:01:55.869 --> 00:01:57.138 You have to see where you are. 00:01:57.138 --> 00:01:59.267 I mean, it's a good idea to think. 00:01:59.267 --> 00:02:00.702 Things are getting worse. 00:02:00.702 --> 00:02:03.705 We are getting poorer - people talk about old-age poverty. 00:02:03.705 --> 00:02:04.819 We're almost broke now. 00:02:06.265 --> 00:02:09.950 This year we went on holiday, well last year, we went to the Cannery Islands, 00:02:11.950 --> 00:02:14.253 we even took our own steaks. 00:02:15.345 --> 00:02:18.807 We went to the airport, put the thing through that machine thing, and that guy is like: 00:02:18.807 --> 00:02:19.662 "Is there a steak in there?" 00:02:19.662 --> 00:02:21.027 I was like: "Sure there's a steak in there." 00:02:21.027 --> 00:02:24.443 He drives it back again, forth again, and says: "There really is a steak in there." 00:02:24.443 --> 00:02:27.016 I'm like: "Of course there's a steak in there. I told you there was." 00:02:27.016 --> 00:02:29.914 I say: "If you drive it through three times more, the meat will be cooked." 00:02:35.730 --> 00:02:37.180 Things are getting worse. 00:02:37.180 --> 00:02:37.977 Look... 00:02:38.731 --> 00:02:41.868 I mean, the thing with those airports, with those controls, it does make sense. 00:02:41.868 --> 00:02:47.630 I put 5 plastic bottles of old oil into Gerda's bag, into the hand luggage. 00:02:47.630 --> 00:02:50.402 Because you're not allowed to take any liquids. 00:02:51.294 --> 00:02:53.496 Gerda comes there. He's controlling. He says: 00:02:53.496 --> 00:02:55.713 "You'll have to leave that here." 00:02:55.713 --> 00:02:58.094 Gerda tells me: "I'll have to leave that here." 00:02:58.094 --> 00:02:59.899 I said: "Give it to him then." 00:03:01.099 --> 00:03:02.058 Done. 00:03:02.058 --> 00:03:04.066 I know how to get rid of my stuff. 00:03:05.466 --> 00:03:07.389 That's the crazy world. 00:03:10.492 --> 00:03:13.940 It's the same with the electrical stuff, this internet that's coming now. 00:03:13.940 --> 00:03:16.388 If that goes on, it will urine us all. 00:03:16.388 --> 00:03:17.967 I don't know where that will end. 00:03:18.829 --> 00:03:20.783 It's time people go to the barriers. 00:03:20.783 --> 00:03:22.601 To the barricades. 00:03:22.601 --> 00:03:23.870 That can't... 00:03:23.870 --> 00:03:24.985 Look, this wifi. 00:03:24.985 --> 00:03:28.389 Wifi is your neighbour's entrance key, 00:03:28.389 --> 00:03:30.218 whether he's home or not. 00:03:31.295 --> 00:03:34.218 Today, on all those plattering forms... platforms, 00:03:35.156 --> 00:03:38.185 that "head book" and whatsitsname, 00:03:38.185 --> 00:03:40.770 you can see who does what with whom and where. 00:03:40.770 --> 00:03:41.669 But I don't care. 00:03:41.669 --> 00:03:44.919 But look who's interacting with whom, 00:03:44.919 --> 00:03:48.174 people you wouldn't think... You know? 00:03:48.845 --> 00:03:53.899 For example, on Saturdays at 2 p.m. Alcoholics Anonymous meet at St. Johann Market. 00:03:53.899 --> 00:03:57.515 So if you want to know who drinks, you can have a look. 00:03:59.430 --> 00:04:01.331 It's all those things. 00:04:03.418 --> 00:04:05.732 I mean, you need to think today, it doesn't work otherwise. 00:04:05.732 --> 00:04:08.168 This morning I was shopping in Palatinate, in Pirmasens. 00:04:08.168 --> 00:04:11.393 We parked in the street, 100 cars. They all got tickets, but we didn't. 00:04:12.412 --> 00:04:14.227 I left the wipers running. 00:04:17.213 --> 00:04:18.462 That's cool, eh? 00:04:18.462 --> 00:04:20.761 No, ideal. You just have to... 00:04:20.761 --> 00:04:22.544 The kids. It's the same with the kids. Look... 00:04:22.544 --> 00:04:23.811 This week they got their report cards. 00:04:23.811 --> 00:04:27.348 My little niece comes home, throws the report card on her mother's table, saying: "Here you are. 00:04:27.348 --> 00:04:30.682 There's nothing on TV, and I'm sick of my Playstation. So." 00:04:32.515 --> 00:04:34.301 Everything has been said. 00:04:34.301 --> 00:04:35.515 That's the attitude. 00:04:35.515 --> 00:04:36.853 One day we took her with us on a birthday, 00:04:36.853 --> 00:04:38.676 Aunt Emmy had a milestone birthday. 00:04:38.676 --> 00:04:41.118 We were having dinner. Then she says to Aunt Emmy: 00:04:41.118 --> 00:04:44.249 "Aunt Emmy, you've got a noodle on your tit." 00:04:45.618 --> 00:04:47.131 Her mother is like: 00:04:47.131 --> 00:04:48.012 "How do you say that?" 00:04:48.012 --> 00:04:49.735 "Noodlés." 00:04:51.819 --> 00:04:52.648 That's how far we've got. 00:04:52.648 --> 00:04:56.035 She asks her friend: "Do you pray before dinner?" 00:04:56.035 --> 00:04:57.743 The friend answers: "No, my ma cooks well." 00:05:01.227 --> 00:05:03.939 That's the way the kids are today. 00:05:04.739 --> 00:05:07.278 In our house, there are some weird folks... 00:05:07.278 --> 00:05:09.499 This week, the little boy is in the garden, shouting: 00:05:09.499 --> 00:05:13.753 "Daddy, daddy!" He comes down, scolding the boy. 00:05:13.753 --> 00:05:17.681 "Daddy, you're always scolding, you're always quarreling with mummy. Why did you marry in the first place?" 00:05:17.681 --> 00:05:19.235 "Because of you idiot." 00:05:20.609 --> 00:05:21.963 That's the way it is. 00:05:28.920 --> 00:05:31.514 Today, with all this XXL... Look... 00:05:31.514 --> 00:05:34.116 If I went into one of those XXL restaurants, people would say: 00:05:34.116 --> 00:05:35.798 "Typical." 00:05:35.798 --> 00:05:37.417 I wouldn't go inside. 00:05:37.417 --> 00:05:39.767 If I went there, I'd be embarrassed. 00:05:39.767 --> 00:05:43.550 There's one of those corner rails beside me, one of those roof battens, 190 x 130 cm, 00:05:43.550 --> 00:05:45.183 eating a square meter of schnitzel, 00:05:45.183 --> 00:05:48.011 and I watch him get full. I wouldn't be able to eat half of it. 00:05:48.914 --> 00:05:50.091 You can't make it. 00:05:50.091 --> 00:05:51.983 When you're done, the best before date has expired. 00:05:53.400 --> 00:05:56.301 And he eats salad and fries, too. 00:05:56.301 --> 00:05:58.215 One day I was in a pub with a friend, and I said: 00:05:58.215 --> 00:06:01.834 "Listen, would you make one of those XXL schnitzels for me, like on TV? A real one?" 00:06:01.834 --> 00:06:03.509 He says: "No problem." He goes into the kitchen. 00:06:03.509 --> 00:06:06.409 Suddenly there was a rattling and clanging... I thought: What's he doing there? 00:06:06.409 --> 00:06:09.512 I went to have a look. We was beating the piece of meat. 00:06:09.512 --> 00:06:11.793 He hit it so hard. 00:06:11.793 --> 00:06:14.215 He went on it with a ten-pound hammer. 00:06:14.215 --> 00:06:15.811 I was like: "What are you doing?" 00:06:15.811 --> 00:06:17.226 "Well, you wanted an XXL schntizel." 00:06:17.226 --> 00:06:18.025 I was like: "Yeah." 00:06:18.025 --> 00:06:20.895 He was like: "Now it's worth €9. Do you want me to hit it till it's €12, or is it large enough?" 00:06:22.028 --> 00:06:23.090 That's the way. 00:06:24.920 --> 00:06:26.084 Makes you go mad, right? 00:06:26.084 --> 00:06:28.585 I always say: If you want to get upset, do it properly. 00:06:28.585 --> 00:06:30.154 Decently. 00:06:51.622 --> 00:06:55.314 First the bell rang horribly. 00:06:55.314 --> 00:06:59.192 Then I crawled out of bed slowly. 00:06:59.192 --> 00:07:00.641 I looked out of the window, 00:07:00.641 --> 00:07:02.782 the weather was lousy. 00:07:02.782 --> 00:07:06.379 I would have loved to shout out loud. 00:07:06.379 --> 00:07:09.200 But I had to go through this rain 00:07:09.200 --> 00:07:12.986 to catch my bus. 00:07:12.986 --> 00:07:16.604 I come to work, soaking wet. 00:07:16.604 --> 00:07:20.318 The day is over for me. 00:07:21.118 --> 00:07:24.275 Man, that makes you angry. 00:07:24.275 --> 00:07:28.210 Next time I'll stay at home. 00:07:28.210 --> 00:07:32.094 I'll close the door behind me. 00:07:32.094 --> 00:07:35.208 I'm sick of it, leave me alone. 00:07:41.948 --> 00:07:45.470 Then at work, shortly before lunch break, 00:07:45.470 --> 00:07:49.098 my colleague drops a wrench. 00:07:49.098 --> 00:07:50.908 It falls on my foot, 00:07:50.908 --> 00:07:52.774 that hurt. 00:07:52.774 --> 00:07:56.655 I knew, I'd get a bruise. 00:07:56.655 --> 00:07:59.218 Then in the cafeteria, 00:07:59.218 --> 00:08:02.979 I sit down to eat. 00:08:02.979 --> 00:08:06.934 Turning towards my neighbour, 00:08:06.934 --> 00:08:10.479 he clumsily steps no my toes. 00:08:11.869 --> 00:08:14.653 Man, that makes you angry. 00:08:14.653 --> 00:08:18.316 Next time I'll stay at home. 00:08:18.316 --> 00:08:22.051 I'll close the door behind me. 00:08:22.051 --> 00:08:25.236 I'm sick of it, leave me alone. 00:08:32.371 --> 00:08:35.386 At five the horn goes. Let's go home. 00:08:35.386 --> 00:08:39.453 Alfons comes at 6, we want to go bowling. 00:08:39.453 --> 00:08:42.881 The bus is full, you're almost pushed to death, 00:08:42.881 --> 00:08:46.692 they push from front and back till you almost choke. 00:08:46.692 --> 00:08:49.636 I'm hanging in the middle. 00:08:49.636 --> 00:08:53.100 When I see my stop, 00:08:53.100 --> 00:08:57.099 I want to get out of the door, 00:08:57.099 --> 00:09:00.475 I'm pushing, but I can't get out. 00:09:01.742 --> 00:09:04.476 Man, that makes you angry. 00:09:04.476 --> 00:09:08.607 Next time I'll stay at home. 00:09:08.607 --> 00:09:12.166 I'll close the door behind me. 00:09:12.166 --> 00:09:15.385 I'm sick of it, leave me alone. 00:09:22.439 --> 00:09:23.875 When I finally get out, 00:09:23.875 --> 00:09:25.850 Edeltraud called. 00:09:25.850 --> 00:09:27.324 She tells me to come over, 00:09:27.324 --> 00:09:29.627 someone called. 00:09:29.627 --> 00:09:33.071 Gerda, my wife, is coming home from her health regime. 00:09:33.071 --> 00:09:34.858 I'm supposed to go to the station, 00:09:34.858 --> 00:09:36.939 she's said to come at 7. 00:09:36.939 --> 00:09:39.432 She's hardly home, 00:09:39.432 --> 00:09:43.651 there hadn been no time for cleaning, 00:09:43.651 --> 00:09:47.026 I think: Shit, now she starts. 00:09:47.026 --> 00:09:52.484 I run out of the door, shouting across the street: 00:09:52.484 --> 00:09:57.174 Leave me alone, wife, I'm upset. 00:09:57.174 --> 00:10:01.380 I won't go home today. 00:10:01.380 --> 00:10:04.638 I'm going for a drink, I want to be left alone. 00:10:04.638 --> 00:10:07.834 Bite me, you in particular. 00:10:09.598 --> 00:10:11.840 Man, that makes you upset. 00:10:11.840 --> 00:10:16.042 Next time I'll stay at home. 00:10:16.042 --> 00:10:19.338 I'll close the door behind me. 00:10:19.338 --> 00:10:22.806 I'm sick of it, leave me alone. 00:10:23.944 --> 00:10:27.271 Man, that makes you upset. 00:10:27.271 --> 00:10:31.318 Next time I'll stay at home. 00:10:31.318 --> 00:10:34.645 I'll close the door behind me. 00:10:34.645 --> 00:10:37.676 I'm sick of it, leave me alone. 00:10:44.117 --> 00:10:45.847 Thank you. Allez hopp! 00:10:45.847 --> 00:10:48.181 Thank you. 00:10:50.058 --> 00:10:51.950 Thank you.