1
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Good evening.

2
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What has become of our beautiful Saturday night?

3
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We used to sit at home,

4
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the bells started chiming at 6,

5
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then we had a bath in dad's dirty water.,

6
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5 people ate one chicken.

7
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Nowadays it's the other way round: I eat 5 chickens.

8
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I am trying to lose weight. I'm doing something.

9
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I mean, it takes some time.

10
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I didn't eat everything in one day.

11
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You have to see where you are.

12
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You can't turn an elephant into a gazelle, that's not possible.

13
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But times have changed.

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Back then, we all sat in front of the TV at 8.15,

15
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watching Vico Torriani's "Der goldene Schuss."

16
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Explain that to the youngsters.

17
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They won't understand.

18
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The world is crazy.

19
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On New Years' Eve, we were invited.

20
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What did they serve? "Flying Buffet."

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Every 10 minutes, a guy with a frozen smile came

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with a half empty tray full of strange little pies

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That lasted all evening - to and fro, to and fro.

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If you were lucky, you got something.

25
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I watched that for half an hour,

26
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then I took one of those trays,

27
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sat down in a corner,

28
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and ate till I was full.

29
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That's true.

30
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That can't be true.

31
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New Years' Eve without frankfurters and sauerkraut is like Christmas without a tree.

32
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Sure, it's... Yes, times have changed.

33
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You have to cope with that.

34
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Now my wife comes because of the cold winter.

35
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She wanted to have a wood stove.

36
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I told her: "If you like, you can have one."

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Now she's warm twice: Once when she chops the wood, and once when she burns it.

38
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I didn't want to have it.

39
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That's how times are changing.

40
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You have to see where you are.

41
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I mean, it's a good idea to think.

42
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Things are getting worse.

43
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We are getting poorer - people talk about old-age poverty.

44
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We're almost broke now.

45
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This year we went on holiday, well last year, we went to the Cannery Islands,

46
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we even took our own steaks.

47
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We went to the airport, put the thing through that machine thing, and that guy is like:

48
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"Is there a steak in there?"

49
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I was like: "Sure there's a steak in there."

50
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He drives it back again, forth again, and says: "There really is a steak in there."

51
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I'm like: "Of course there's a steak in there. I told you there was."

52
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I say: "If you drive it through three times more, the meat will be cooked."

53
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Things are getting worse.

54
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Look...

55
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I mean, the thing with those airports, with those controls, it does make sense.

56
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I put 5 plastic bottles of old oil into Gerda's bag, into the hand luggage.

57
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Because you're not allowed to take any liquids.

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Gerda comes there. He's controlling. He says:

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"You'll have to leave that here."

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Gerda tells me: "I'll have to leave that here."

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I said: "Give it to him then."

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Done.

63
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I know how to get rid of my stuff.

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That's the crazy world.

65
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It's the same with the electrical stuff, this internet that's coming now.

66
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If that goes on, it will urine us all.

67
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I don't know where that will end.

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It's time people go to the barriers.

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To the barricades.

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That can't...

71
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Look, this wifi.

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Wifi is your neighbour's entrance key,

73
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whether he's home or not.

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Today, on all those plattering forms... platforms,

75
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that "head book" and whatsitsname,

76
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you can see who does what with whom and where.

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But I don't care.

78
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But look who's interacting with whom,

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people you wouldn't think... You know?

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For example, on Saturdays at 2 p.m. Alcoholics Anonymous meet at St. Johann Market.

81
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So if you want to know who drinks, you can have a look.

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It's all those things.

83
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I mean, you need to think today, it doesn't work otherwise.

84
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This morning I was shopping in Palatinate, in Pirmasens.

85
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We parked in the street, 100 cars. They all got tickets, but we didn't.

86
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I left the wipers running.

87
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That's cool, eh?

88
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No, ideal. You just have to...

89
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The kids. It's the same with the kids. Look...

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This week they got their report cards.

91
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My little niece comes home, throws the report card on her mother's table, saying: "Here you are.

92
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There's nothing on TV, and I'm sick of my Playstation. So."

93
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Everything has been said.

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That's the attitude.

95
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One day we took her with us on a birthday,

96
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Aunt Emmy had a milestone birthday.

97
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We were having dinner. Then she says to Aunt Emmy:

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"Aunt Emmy, you've got a noodle on your tit."

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Her mother is like:

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"How do you say that?"

101
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"Noodlés."

102
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That's how far we've got.

103
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She asks her friend: "Do you pray before dinner?"

104
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The friend answers: "No, my ma cooks well."

105
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That's the way the kids are today.

106
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In our house, there are some weird folks...

107
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This week, the little boy is in the garden, shouting:

108
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"Daddy, daddy!" He comes down, scolding the boy.

109
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"Daddy, you're always scolding, you're always quarreling with mummy. Why did you marry in the first place?"

110
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"Because of you idiot."

111
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That's the way it is.

112
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Today, with all this XXL... Look...

113
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If I went into one of those XXL restaurants, people would say:

114
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"Typical."

115
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I wouldn't go inside.

116
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If I went there, I'd be embarrassed.

117
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There's one of those corner rails beside me, one of those roof battens, 190 x 130 cm,

118
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eating a square meter of schnitzel,

119
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and I watch him get full. I wouldn't be able to eat half of it.

120
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You can't make it.

121
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When you're done, the best before date has expired.

122
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And he eats salad and fries, too.

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One day I was in a pub with a friend, and I said:

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"Listen, would you make one of those XXL schnitzels for me, like on TV? A real one?"

125
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He says: "No problem." He goes into the kitchen.

126
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Suddenly there was a rattling and clanging... I thought: What's he doing there?

127
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I went to have a look. We was beating the piece of meat.

128
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He hit it so hard.

129
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He went on it with a ten-pound hammer.

130
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I was like: "What are you doing?"

131
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"Well, you wanted an XXL schntizel."

132
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I was like: "Yeah."

133
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He was like: "Now it's worth €9. Do you want me to hit it till it's €12, or is it large enough?"

134
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That's the way.

135
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Makes you go mad, right?

136
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I always say: If you want to get upset, do it properly.

137
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Decently.

138
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First the bell rang horribly.

139
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Then I crawled out of bed slowly.

140
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I looked out of the window,

141
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the weather was lousy.

142
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I would have loved to shout out loud.

143
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But I had to go through this rain

144
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to catch my bus.

145
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I come to work, soaking wet.

146
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The day is over for me.

147
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Man, that makes you angry.

148
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Next time I'll stay at home.

149
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I'll close the door behind me.

150
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I'm sick of it, leave me alone.

151
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Then at work, shortly before lunch break,

152
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my colleague drops a wrench.

153
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It falls on my foot,

154
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that hurt.

155
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I knew, I'd get a bruise.

156
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Then in the cafeteria,

157
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I sit down to eat.

158
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Turning towards my neighbour,

159
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he clumsily steps no my toes.

160
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Man, that makes you angry.

161
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Next time I'll stay at home.

162
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I'll close the door behind me.

163
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I'm sick of it, leave me alone.

164
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At five the horn goes. Let's go home.

165
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Alfons comes at 6, we want to go bowling.

166
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The bus is full, you're almost pushed to death,

167
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they push from front and back till you almost choke.

168
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I'm hanging in the middle.

169
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When I see my stop,

170
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I want to get out of the door,

171
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I'm pushing, but I can't get out.

172
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Man, that makes you angry.

173
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Next time I'll stay at home.

174
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I'll close the door behind me.

175
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I'm sick of it, leave me alone.

176
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When I finally get out,

177
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Edeltraud called.

178
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She tells me to come over,

179
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someone called.

180
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Gerda, my wife, is coming home from her health regime.

181
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I'm supposed to go to the station,

182
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she's said to come at 7.

183
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She's hardly home,

184
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there hadn been no time for cleaning,

185
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I think: Shit, now she starts.

186
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I run out of the door, shouting across the street:

187
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Leave me alone, wife, I'm upset.

188
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I won't go home today.

189
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I'm going for a drink, I want to be left alone.

190
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Bite me, you in particular.

191
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Man, that makes you upset.

192
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Next time I'll stay at home.

193
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I'll close the door behind me.

194
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I'm sick of it, leave me alone.

195
00:10:23,944 --> 00:10:27,271
Man, that makes you upset.

196
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Next time I'll stay at home.

197
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I'll close the door behind me.

198
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I'm sick of it, leave me alone.

199
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Thank you. Allez hopp!

200
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Thank you.

201
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Thank you.