0:00:00.958,0:00:03.158
So when I was in Morocco,

0:00:03.158,0:00:05.692
in Casablanca, not so long ago,

0:00:05.692,0:00:10.168
I met a young unmarried mother called Faiza.

0:00:10.168,0:00:13.505
Faiza showed me photos of her infant son

0:00:13.505,0:00:19.640
and she told me the story of his conception,[br]pregnancy, and delivery.

0:00:19.640,0:00:21.600
It was a remarkable tale,

0:00:21.600,0:00:25.280
but Faiza saved the best for last.

0:00:25.280,0:00:28.850
"You know, I am a virgin," she told me.

0:00:28.850,0:00:33.254
"I have two medical certificates to prove it."

0:00:33.254,0:00:35.878
This is the modern Middle East,

0:00:35.878,0:00:38.510
where two millennia after the coming of Christ,

0:00:38.510,0:00:42.738
virgin births are still a fact of life.

0:00:42.738,0:00:48.395
Faiza's story is just one of hundreds I've heard [br]over the years, traveling across the Arab region

0:00:48.395,0:00:51.683
talking to people about sex.

0:00:51.683,0:00:54.899
Now, I know this might sound like a dream job,

0:00:54.899,0:00:58.167
or possibly a highly dubious occupation,

0:00:58.167,0:01:01.523
but for me, it's something else altogether.

0:01:01.523,0:01:04.111
I'm half Egyptian, and I'm Muslim.

0:01:04.111,0:01:07.902
But I grew up in Canada, far from my Arab roots.

0:01:07.902,0:01:10.536
Like so many who straddle East and West,

0:01:10.536,0:01:15.459
I've been drawn, over the years, to try to better[br]understand my origins.

0:01:15.459,0:01:19.579
That I chose to look at sex comes from [br]my background in HIV/AIDS,

0:01:19.579,0:01:23.666
as a writer and a researcher and an activist.

0:01:23.666,0:01:28.790
Sex lies at the heart of an emerging epidemic[br]in the Middle East and North Africa,

0:01:28.790,0:01:35.335
which is one of only two regions in the world[br]where HIV/AIDS is still on the rise.

0:01:35.335,0:01:38.376
Now sexuality is an incredibly powerful lens

0:01:38.376,0:01:41.100
with which to study any society,

0:01:41.100,0:01:43.609
because what happens in our intimate lives

0:01:43.609,0:01:47.783
is reflected by forces on a bigger stage:

0:01:47.783,0:01:53.857
in politics and economics, in religion and tradition, [br]in gender and generations.

0:01:53.857,0:01:57.144
As I found, if you really want to know a people,

0:01:57.144,0:02:01.668
you start by looking inside their bedrooms.

0:02:01.668,0:02:05.860
Now to be sure, the Arab world is vast and varied.

0:02:05.860,0:02:08.521
But running across it are three red lines --

0:02:08.521,0:02:13.735
these are topics you are not supposed [br]to challenge in word or deed.

0:02:13.735,0:02:16.150
The first of these is politics.

0:02:16.150,0:02:18.578
But the Arab Spring has changed all that,

0:02:18.578,0:02:23.600
in uprisings which have blossomed [br]across the region since 2011.

0:02:23.600,0:02:26.461
Now while those in power, old and new,

0:02:26.461,0:02:29.263
continue to cling to business as usual,

0:02:29.263,0:02:31.869
millions are still pushing back,

0:02:31.869,0:02:36.984
and pushing forward to what they hope[br]will be a better life.

0:02:36.984,0:02:40.164
That second red line is religion.

0:02:40.164,0:02:42.995
But now religion and politics are connected,

0:02:42.995,0:02:46.139
with the rise of such groups as the [br]Muslim Brotherhood.

0:02:46.139,0:02:49.599
And some people, at least, are starting [br]to ask questions

0:02:49.599,0:02:54.667
about the role of Islam in public and private life.

0:02:54.667,0:02:58.418
You know, as for that third red line, [br]that off-limits subject,

0:02:58.418,0:03:00.196
what do you think it might be?

0:03:00.196,0:03:01.258
Audience: Sex.

0:03:01.258,0:03:02.558
Shereen El Feki: Louder, I can't hear you.

0:03:02.558,0:03:03.414
Audience: Sex.

0:03:03.414,0:03:05.036
SEF: Again, please don't be shy.

0:03:05.036,0:03:06.088
Audience: Sex.

0:03:06.088,0:03:13.145
SEF: Absolutely, that's right, it's sex. (Laughter)

0:03:13.145,0:03:19.353
Across the Arab region, the only accepted[br]context for sex is marriage --

0:03:19.353,0:03:23.131
approved by your parents, sanctioned by religion

0:03:23.131,0:03:25.671
and registered by the state.

0:03:25.671,0:03:28.554
Marriage is your ticket to adulthood.

0:03:28.554,0:03:32.379
If you don't tie the knot, you can't [br]move out of your parents' place,

0:03:32.379,0:03:34.680
and you're not supposed to be having sex,

0:03:34.680,0:03:37.827
and you're definitely not supposed [br]to be having children.

0:03:37.827,0:03:41.193
It's a social citadel; it's an impregnable fortress

0:03:41.193,0:03:45.658
which resists any assault, any alternative.

0:03:45.658,0:03:49.666
And around the fortress is this vast field of taboo

0:03:49.666,0:03:54.639
against premarital sex, against condoms,

0:03:54.639,0:03:57.583
against abortion, against homosexuality,

0:03:57.583,0:03:59.754
you name it.

0:03:59.754,0:04:02.978
Faiza was living proof of this.

0:04:02.978,0:04:07.259
Her virginity statement was [br]not a piece of wishful thinking.

0:04:07.259,0:04:12.582
Although the major religions of the region[br]extoll premarital chastity,

0:04:12.582,0:04:15.886
in a patriarchy, boys will be boys.

0:04:15.886,0:04:17.839
Men have sex before marriage,

0:04:17.839,0:04:21.629
and people more or less turn a blind eye.

0:04:21.629,0:04:23.845
Not so for women,

0:04:23.845,0:04:26.889
who are expected to be virgins [br]on their wedding night --

0:04:26.889,0:04:31.139
that is, to turn up with your hymen intact.

0:04:31.139,0:04:34.814
This is not a question of individual concern,

0:04:34.814,0:04:39.956
this is a matter of family honor, [br]and in particular, men's honor.

0:04:39.956,0:04:41.714
And so women and their relatives

0:04:41.714,0:04:46.073
will go to great lengths to preserve [br]this tiny piece of anatomy --

0:04:46.073,0:04:48.278
from female genital mutilation,

0:04:48.278,0:04:52.639
to virginity testing, to hymen repair surgery.

0:04:52.639,0:04:55.645
Faiza chose a different route:

0:04:55.645,0:04:58.028
non-vaginal sex.

0:04:58.028,0:05:00.637
Only she became pregnant all the same.

0:05:00.637,0:05:03.377
But Faiza didn't actually realize this,

0:05:03.377,0:05:07.152
because there's so little [br]sexuality education in schools,

0:05:07.152,0:05:11.174
and so little communication in the family.

0:05:11.174,0:05:13.929
When her condition became hard to hide,

0:05:13.929,0:05:18.376
Faiza's mother helped her flee [br]her father and brothers.

0:05:18.376,0:05:21.397
This is because honor killings are a real threat

0:05:21.397,0:05:25.171
for untold numbers of women in the Arab region.

0:05:25.171,0:05:30.221
And so when Faiza eventually fetched up at [br]a hospital in Casablanca,

0:05:30.221,0:05:32.898
the man who offered to help her,

0:05:32.898,0:05:36.262
instead tried to rape her.

0:05:38.350,0:05:41.459
Sadly, Faiza is not alone.

0:05:41.459,0:05:43.245
In Egypt, where my research is focused,

0:05:43.245,0:05:48.843
I have seen plenty of trouble [br]in and out of the citadel.

0:05:48.843,0:05:52.182
There are legions of young men

0:05:52.182,0:05:54.289
who can't afford to get married,

0:05:54.289,0:05:57.713
because marriage has become [br]a very expensive proposition.

0:05:57.713,0:06:01.272
They are expected to bear the burden[br]of costs in married life,

0:06:01.272,0:06:03.576
but they can't find jobs.

0:06:03.576,0:06:06.750
This is one of the major drivers [br]of the recent uprisings,

0:06:06.750,0:06:09.915
and it is one of the reasons for the [br]rising age of marriage

0:06:09.915,0:06:12.946
in much of the Arab region.

0:06:12.946,0:06:15.721
There are career women who want to get married,

0:06:15.721,0:06:17.319
but can't find a husband,

0:06:17.319,0:06:20.504
because they defy gender expectations,

0:06:20.504,0:06:24.291
or as one young female doctor [br]in Tunisia put it to me,

0:06:24.291,0:06:26.998
"The women, they are becoming more and more open.

0:06:26.998,0:06:32.801
But the man, he is still at the prehistoric stage."

0:06:32.801,0:06:36.691
And then there are men and women who [br]cross the heterosexual line,

0:06:36.691,0:06:38.593
who have sex with their own sex,

0:06:38.593,0:06:41.602
or who have a different gender identity.

0:06:41.602,0:06:45.555
They are on the receiving end of laws[br]which punish their activities,

0:06:45.555,0:06:47.613
even their appearance.

0:06:47.613,0:06:51.448
And they face a daily struggle with social stigma,

0:06:51.448,0:06:53.083
with family despair,

0:06:53.083,0:06:57.251
and with religious fire and brimstone.

0:06:57.251,0:07:01.449
Now, it's not as if it's all rosy [br]in the marital bed either.

0:07:01.449,0:07:03.975
Couples who are looking for greater happiness,

0:07:03.975,0:07:06.614
greater sexual happiness in their married lives,

0:07:06.614,0:07:08.973
but are at a loss of how to achieve it,

0:07:08.973,0:07:13.495
especially wives, who are afraid [br]of being seen as bad women

0:07:13.495,0:07:16.699
if they show some spark in the bedroom.

0:07:16.699,0:07:18.623
And then there are those whose marriages

0:07:18.623,0:07:21.729
are actually a veil for prostitution.

0:07:21.729,0:07:23.887
They have been sold by their families,

0:07:23.887,0:07:26.768
often to wealthy Arab tourists.

0:07:26.768,0:07:32.369
This is just one face of a booming [br]sex trade across the Arab region.

0:07:32.369,0:07:36.557
Now raise your hand if any of [br]this is sounding familiar to you,

0:07:36.557,0:07:40.527
from your part of the world.

0:07:40.527,0:07:46.537
Yeah. It's not as if the Arab world[br]has a monopoly on sexual hangups.

0:07:46.537,0:07:49.507
And although we don't yet have[br]an Arab Kinsey Report

0:07:49.507,0:07:53.920
to tell us exactly what's happening [br]inside bedrooms across the Arab region,

0:07:53.920,0:07:57.863
It's pretty clear that [br]something is not right.

0:07:57.863,0:08:00.551
Double standards for men and women,

0:08:00.551,0:08:03.810
sex as a source of shame,

0:08:03.810,0:08:07.961
family control limiting individual choices,

0:08:07.961,0:08:11.708
and a vast gulf between appearance and reality:

0:08:11.708,0:08:13.278
what people are doing

0:08:13.294,0:08:15.639
and what they're willing to admit to,

0:08:15.639,0:08:19.615
and a general reluctance to move [br]beyond private whispers

0:08:19.615,0:08:23.703
to a serious and sustained public discussion.

0:08:23.703,0:08:27.192
As one doctor in Cairo summed it up for me,

0:08:27.192,0:08:30.517
"Here, sex is the opposite of sport.

0:08:30.517,0:08:32.683
Football, everybody talks about it,

0:08:32.683,0:08:34.653
but hardly anyone plays.

0:08:34.653,0:08:36.626
But sex, everybody is doing it,

0:08:36.626,0:08:40.775
but nobody wants to talk about it."[br](Laughter)

0:08:40.775,0:08:51.348
(Music) (In Arabic)

0:08:51.348,0:08:54.007
SEF: I want to give you a piece of advice,

0:08:54.007,0:08:58.101
which if you follow it,[br]will make you happy in life.

0:08:58.101,0:09:00.476
When your husband reaches out to you,

0:09:00.476,0:09:03.288
when he seizes a part of your body,

0:09:03.288,0:09:06.654
sigh deeply and look at him lustily.

0:09:06.654,0:09:09.177
When he penetrates you with his penis,

0:09:09.177,0:09:14.470
try to talk flirtatiously and [br]move yourself in harmony with him.

0:09:14.470,0:09:15.913
Hot stuff!

0:09:15.928,0:09:17.922
And it might sound that these handy hints

0:09:17.922,0:09:21.033
come from "The Joy of Sex" or YouPorn.

0:09:21.033,0:09:24.885
But in fact, they come from[br]a 10th-century Arabic book

0:09:24.885,0:09:27.217
called "The Encyclopedia of Pleasure,"

0:09:27.217,0:09:31.365
which covers sex from aphrodisiacs to zoophilia,

0:09:31.365,0:09:34.438
and everything in between.

0:09:34.438,0:09:38.496
The Encyclopedia is just one [br]in a long line of Arabic erotica,

0:09:38.496,0:09:41.725
much of it written by religious scholars.

0:09:41.725,0:09:44.086
Going right back to the Prophet Muhammad,

0:09:44.086,0:09:46.503
there is a rich tradition in Islam

0:09:46.503,0:09:49.083
of talking frankly about sex:

0:09:49.083,0:09:52.378
not just its problems, but also its pleasures,

0:09:52.378,0:09:56.953
and not just for men, but also for women.

0:09:56.953,0:10:02.820
A thousand years ago, we used to have [br]whole dictionaries of sex in Arabic.

0:10:02.820,0:10:06.973
Words to cover every conceivable sexual feature,

0:10:06.973,0:10:10.565
position and preference, a body of language

0:10:10.565,0:10:17.096
that was rich enough to make up the body [br]of the woman you see on this page.

0:10:17.096,0:10:20.699
Today, this history is largely unknown [br]in the Arab region.

0:10:20.699,0:10:25.503
Even by educated people, who often[br]feel more comfortable talking about sex

0:10:25.503,0:10:30.481
in a foreign language than they do[br]in their own tongue.

0:10:30.481,0:10:34.204
Today's sexual landscape looks[br]a lot like Europe and America

0:10:34.204,0:10:36.937
on the brink of the sexual revolution.

0:10:36.937,0:10:39.985
But while the West has opened on sex,

0:10:39.985,0:10:46.618
what we found is that Arab societies appear[br]to have been moving in the opposite direction.

0:10:46.618,0:10:48.873
In Egypt and many of its neighbors,

0:10:48.873,0:10:51.750
this closing down is part of a wider closing

0:10:51.750,0:10:55.333
in political, social and cultural thought.

0:10:55.333,0:10:59.389
And it is the product of a complex historical process,

0:10:59.389,0:11:03.182
one which has gained ground with the rise [br]of Islamic conservatism

0:11:03.182,0:11:06.183
since the late 1970s.

0:11:06.183,0:11:09.858
"Just say no" is what conservatives [br]around the world

0:11:09.858,0:11:14.320
say to any challenge to the sexual status quo.

0:11:14.320,0:11:18.606
In the Arab region, they brand these attempts[br]as a Western conspiracy

0:11:18.606,0:11:22.908
to undermine traditional Arab[br]and Islamic values.

0:11:22.908,0:11:24.907
But what's really at stake here

0:11:24.907,0:11:28.801
is one of their most powerful tools of control:

0:11:28.801,0:11:32.958
sex wrapped up in religion.

0:11:32.958,0:11:36.103
But history shows us that [br]even as recently

0:11:36.103,0:11:39.012
as our fathers' and grandfathers' day,

0:11:39.012,0:11:41.961
there have been times of greater pragmatism,

0:11:41.961,0:11:47.481
and tolerance, and a willingness[br]to consider other interpretations:

0:11:47.481,0:11:54.400
be it abortion, or masturbation, or even [br]the incendiary topic of homosexuality.

0:11:54.400,0:11:59.266
It is not black and white,[br]as conservatives would have us believe.

0:11:59.266,0:12:02.473
In these, as in so many other matters,

0:12:02.473,0:12:05.894
Islam offers us at least 50 shades of gray.

0:12:05.894,0:12:08.308
(Laughter)

0:12:08.308,0:12:09.457
Over my travels,

0:12:09.457,0:12:12.065
I've met men and women [br]across the Arab region

0:12:12.065,0:12:15.058
who've been exploring that spectrum --

0:12:15.058,0:12:17.762
sexologists who are trying[br]to help couples

0:12:17.762,0:12:21.684
find greater happiness in their marriages,

0:12:21.684,0:12:27.366
innovators who are managing to get [br]sexuality education into schools,

0:12:27.366,0:12:29.733
small groups of men and women,

0:12:29.733,0:12:32.449
lesbian, gay, transgendered, transsexual,

0:12:32.449,0:12:34.130
who are reaching out to their peers

0:12:34.130,0:12:38.788
with online initiatives and real-world support.

0:12:38.788,0:12:42.751
Women, and increasingly men,[br]who are starting to speak out

0:12:42.751,0:12:45.837
and push back against sexual violence

0:12:45.837,0:12:49.393
on the streets and in the home.

0:12:49.393,0:12:54.126
Groups that are trying to help sex workers[br]protect themselves against HIV

0:12:54.126,0:12:56.993
and other occupational hazards,

0:12:56.993,0:13:00.921
and NGOs that are helping unwed mothers like Faiza

0:13:00.921,0:13:06.702
find a place in society, and critically,[br]stay with their kids.

0:13:06.702,0:13:10.113
Now these efforts are small, [br]they're often underfunded,

0:13:10.113,0:13:13.416
and they face formidable opposition.

0:13:13.416,0:13:16.944
But I am optimistic that, in the long run,

0:13:16.944,0:13:20.321
times are changing, and they and their ideas

0:13:20.321,0:13:22.250
will gain ground.

0:13:22.250,0:13:27.902
Social change doesn't happen in the Arab region[br]through dramatic confrontation,

0:13:27.902,0:13:31.289
beating or indeed baring of breasts,

0:13:31.289,0:13:33.754
but rather through negotiation.

0:13:33.754,0:13:37.424
What we're talking here is not about a [br]sexual revolution,

0:13:37.424,0:13:41.898
but a sexual evolution, [br]learning from other parts of the world,

0:13:41.898,0:13:44.274
adapting to local conditions,

0:13:44.274,0:13:50.161
forging our own path,[br]not following one blazed by another.

0:13:50.161,0:13:56.604
That path, I hope, will one day lead us [br]to the right to control our own bodies,

0:13:56.604,0:13:59.674
and to access the information [br]and services we need

0:13:59.674,0:14:04.078
to lead satisfying and safe sexual lives.

0:14:04.078,0:14:06.648
The right to express our ideas freely,

0:14:06.648,0:14:11.303
to marry whom we choose, [br]to choose our own partners,

0:14:11.303,0:14:16.155
to be sexually active or not,[br]to decide whether to have children and when,

0:14:16.155,0:14:22.534
all this without violence or force or discrimination.

0:14:22.534,0:14:25.938
Now we are very far from this [br]across the Arab region,

0:14:25.938,0:14:29.045
and so much needs to change:

0:14:29.045,0:14:32.973
law, education, media, the economy,

0:14:32.973,0:14:35.846
the list goes on and on,

0:14:35.846,0:14:40.164
and it is the work of a generation, at least.

0:14:40.164,0:14:43.326
But it begins with a journey that I myself have made,

0:14:43.326,0:14:46.295
asking hard questions of received wisdoms

0:14:46.295,0:14:48.103
in sexual life.

0:14:48.103,0:14:52.616
And it is a journey which has[br]only served to strengthen my faith,

0:14:52.616,0:14:56.134
and my appreciation of local histories and cultures

0:14:56.134,0:15:01.929
by showing me possibilities [br]where I once only saw absolutes.

0:15:01.929,0:15:05.386
Now given the turmoil in many[br]countries in the Arab region,

0:15:05.386,0:15:08.463
talking about sex, [br]challenging the taboos,

0:15:08.463,0:15:13.799
seeking alternatives might sound like[br]something of a luxury.

0:15:13.799,0:15:16.591
But at this critical moment in history,

0:15:16.591,0:15:20.969
if we do not anchor freedom and justice,

0:15:20.969,0:15:22.601
dignity and equality,

0:15:22.601,0:15:27.843
privacy and autonomy in our personal lives,[br]in our sexual lives,

0:15:27.843,0:15:32.144
we will find it very hard to achieve in public life.

0:15:32.144,0:15:38.899
The political and the sexual are intimate bedfellows,[br]and that is true for us all.

0:15:38.899,0:15:42.310
no matter where we live and love.

0:15:42.310,0:15:43.826
Thank you.

0:15:43.826,0:15:48.267
(Applause)