WEBVTT
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Hi. My name is Mark.
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You know, there's a lot of One Direction fan fiction out there,
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but it seems like all the stuff I've read is written by girls.
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Which is great, you know, I'm not knocking girls.
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They're...girls.
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But, I just thought it was about time there was some 1D fan fic written by a dude.
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Which... I'm one — dude.
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So, that's what I did.
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And then, I animated it.
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Good morning. Y'all ready to order?
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I'll have the French Toast, please.
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I'll have the sausage biscuit, please.
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I'll have the tacos, please.
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Harry!
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What? It's my favorite food!
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Tacos are not for breakfast!
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They are now. Introducing Tac-O's.
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It's meat-, cheese- and lettuce-flavored O's
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in a tortilla bowl.
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That's disgusting.
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It even makes the milk tastes like tacos.
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That's even disgusting-er.
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That's not even a word.
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Hi guys.
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[ALL] Hello, Zayn.
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Whoa, new hairdo!
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Yeah, what'ya think?
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It's...uh...
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It's...quite steep.
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Bit like a...ski jump.
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Which I guess is what you were going for?
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Phone rings
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1D! Come in, 1D!
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Oh look! A call from Psymon.
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It's an emergency, boys!
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Report to 1D HQ ASAP.
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No time for breakfast, lads.
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The world needs our help!
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One Direction, thank goodness you're here!
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What seems to be the trouble, Psymon?
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It doesn't look good, boys.
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What doesn't look good? Oh, Zayn's new hairdo?
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Niall! -laughs What?
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I will mess you up!
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Mess me up? Oh, like your hairdresser messed up your hair?
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Oh, it is ON!
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Oh! Ow! Ow! Stop it! Oh!
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It's on like Donkey Kong. -What?
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Boys! Boys! The world is in its hour of need.
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We cannot afford to squabble over [ ].
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Why, what's up, Psymon?
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Yeah, what's up, besides Zayn's hair?
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'cause that's really up, isn't it, hehe?
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It's like woooosh!
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Ow! Stop! Ow!
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Reports are coming in all over town.
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Pussycats are going missing by the thousands!
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Oh, no! What a catastrophe!
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Or should I say, CAT-astrophe?
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Ooh! -No, you shouldn't. -[FALSETTO] Okay.
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We just need to get out there and help people find their pussycats.
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It may not be as simple as that.
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We have reason to believe Lord Faptaguise is behind this.
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[ALL] Lord Faptaguise?
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But we defeated him in the Battle of Zindalor.
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Well, he's back!
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And we all know how much Lord Faptaguise hates pussycats.
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So the pussycats didn't just go missing; they've been kidnapped!
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Or, should I say, CAT-napped?
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C-cat—catnipped... yeah?
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Ooh! -No.
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[FALSETTO] Sorry.
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So, where is Lord Faptaguise?
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His dreaded tank fortress, the Wrath-o-Sphere has been spotted
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on the outskirts of town...
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Mmm... skirts.
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...heading East.
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Toward the Dimensional Gate.
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Yes! We must act swiftly!
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If the Wrath-o-Sphere escapes to another dimension
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with the pussycats on board, we will never see them again.
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So, what's the plan?
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Liam, Niall and Zayn: you three must infiltrate the Wrath-o-Sphere
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and find your way to the Control Room.
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It no doubt will be heavily guarded, by guards.
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Niall and Zayn, you must eliminate them,
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allowing Liam to gain access to the Control Room.
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Easy! -Piece of pudding! -What?
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Liam, once inside the Control Room,
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you must hack into the Security Terminal,
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and open the prison cell doors.
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Hey! I'm on it like Donkey Konit.
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What? No, wait. What?
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Just open the cell doors?
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But who's going to round up all the pussycats
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and get them out of there?
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Yes, all the pussies. That's where you come in, Harry.
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You're telling me.
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You must go deep into the Marmitian Swamp,
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and seek the help of an old knight named Paul.
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He will teach you the ancient art of retrieving pussycats.
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I don't need help. I can do it alone.
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No you can't, Harry. That's why you and Louis
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will seek out Sir Paul together.
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Only with teamwork, can you save all the pussycats—
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including your own!
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Oh no, Molly! Did they get Molly?
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I thought his name was Dusty?
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Depends which website you read.
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Molly? gasp NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO—
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ooooooooooooooooooooo.
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Nice!
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Thanks, but Faptaguise, he stole my pussycat!
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Now, it's personal.
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Or, should I say, pussy-nal?
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Oof! [FALSETTO] My balls!
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Phew, we made it inside the Wrath-o-Sphere!
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Now to make our way to the control room.
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This place is a maze. How are we going to find it?
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Easy, just follow the pipes along the ceiling.
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Duh, it's like you've never been inside a Wrath-o-Sphere before!
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Nerds.
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Right, the old knight lives in solitude deep within this swamp.
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He lives alone? So that makes him... a stag-knight!
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That's your worst one yet.
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Oof! -Now come along!
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[FALSETTO] We've been— [NORMAL VOICE] ahem, we've been walking for ages.
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Are you sure we're going in the right direction?
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Well, we're following the map!
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I think we're going the wrong way.
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What, do you think I can't read maps?
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That, or you're holding it wrong.
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What, with my hands? That's how most humans hold things.
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But I guess you wouldn't know anything about that.
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What, are you saying I'm not human?
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I don't know, why don't you ask your four nipples what they think?
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Maybe those will give you a clue.
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That's it, I'm going this direction.
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Harry, come back! We can't go in two directions. We have to go in one direction.
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Not anymore, I can save the pussycats myself.
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I don't need some old knight to help me, and I certainly don't need you!
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Fine. (x12)
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Fine. You tetra-titted tosser.
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Whoa, those guards look dangerous.
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I'm not so sure we can take 'em out.
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Maybe you and Niall can distract them, you know, like, dress up as hot girls or something.
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Well, I mean, at least that works in cartoons.
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What do you think, Niall?
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Already there.
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Hey there big boys.
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Whoa, check it out.
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Hubba, hubba, hubba!
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Nice!
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I love dudes in skirts.
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Huh! Like I need help getting pussycats out of the Wrath-o-Sphere.
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Huh! I've been getting pussycats out of the Wrath-o-Sphere since I was a—
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Whoa, baby.
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Hey there big boy.
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Hello.
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I'm Harry!
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April O'Kruschev. I'm a news reporter.
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I am doing a story on the missing pussycats.
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Oh, I'm- I'm gonna save them.
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You are? Oh you must be very brave.
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Mmhm, I'm brave.
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Well it sounds like we could help each other out.
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I would love to exchange fluids. Heeheehee!
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I mean information.
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Perhaps over dinner?
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Okay.
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How about some... tacos?
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Okay.
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Okay, this must be it. knocks door
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door creaks open slowly
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Who goes there?
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It is I, Louis, of One Direction.
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Greetings.
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I am Sir Paul, of The Beatles.
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gasp And Wings!
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Ehhh... The Beatles.
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Well, I am in need of your help, Sir Paul.
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Pussycats all over the land have been captured,
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and legend has it that you hold the key to retrieving them.
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Aah, I know what you're looking for.
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Now that, I haven't used in a long time. A long time.
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What? What is it?
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What you seek... is the pussymagnet.
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Behold!
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Nice!
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So... how do you turn it on?
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One does not simply turn on a pussymagnet.
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It is activated by a series of tones. You know,
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like the Key in the He-Man movie.
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Allow me to demonstrate.
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singing Well, she was just seventeen
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You know what I mean. And the—
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Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
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Paul:
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What DO you mean?
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speaking I don't know, John wrote that bit.
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singing And the way she looked
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Was way beyond compare
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So how could I dance with another? Wooooooo!
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meow
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Whoa, that really works!
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Hitting the high note at the end is the key.
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Well, I'll try.
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Though, I bet Harry could hit it...
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Harry? Is he a friend of yours?
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Yeah...
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Or... we used to be.
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We had a bit of a falling out.
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Well, you know, you can't pull this off on your own.
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It's like I've always said: I get by with a little help from my friends.
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I thought that song was about drugs, though.
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Shhhh!
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Don't speak, Harry, don't speak.
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But I'm crazy about you!
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I know, Harry... but I must order now—
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Three tacos, please.
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Hard or soft shelled?
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Oh... What do you think, Harry?
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Hard. A good shell is hard to find, and a hard shell is good to find.
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Oh, Harry. You always know what to say.
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Hey, tacos are my favorite food. But you know, I've never been to a Taco Bell before.
00:09:36.920 --> 00:09:40.729
You mean, this is your first time? -Mmhm.
00:09:40.729 --> 00:09:44.779
Then... you really must try the Nacho BellGrande.
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Well, one Nacho BellGrande please.
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Hey! What do you call a BellGrande that isn't yours?
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...Not-chyo BellGrande!
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Oof!
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Can we get those tacos to go please? We have a date... at the Wrath-o-Sphere!
00:10:08.115 --> 00:10:09.800
So... you two from around here?
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Oh, no, I'm from Ireland. And Zayn is from a wee little town in England called... Dumbhairshire.
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Niall, I will slap you silly!
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Bring it!
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Hey!
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Uh oh.
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You're not crossdressers. You're just dressed up like crossdressers.
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Uh... Zayn? -Yeah, Niall? -RUN!
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Seize them!
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Zayn, here! Let's take this elevator!
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AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHhhhhhh—
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OOF!
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The garbage chute! Really wonderful idea!
00:10:49.803 --> 00:10:53.475
sniff What an incredible smell you've discovered!
00:10:54.398 --> 00:10:56.186
...Don't be a c**t.
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typing
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This is a Unix system. I know this.
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I should be able to override the security system to open up the prison doors
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and let those pussycats loose.
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Yes!
00:11:17.849 --> 00:11:22.187
Oh, I'll open that door like Donkey Kong 64. click
00:11:25.049 --> 00:11:29.176
Louis, Harry: The prison doors are open. It's up to you now to save the pussycats.
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And make it—NOT SO FAST.
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You, take pretty boy here down to the Torturitorium for a nice acid bath.
00:11:36.711 --> 00:11:41.796
I'm sure Lord Faptaguise would enjoy seeing you burn alive to death.
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Take him away!
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And you, close the prison doors!
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Dude, this is a Unix system. I don't know this.
00:11:52.997 --> 00:11:56.556
Well, if it isn't Liam! -It is. -Of One Direction!
00:11:57.156 --> 00:11:58.586
...It is Liam of One Direction.
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Well, not for long!
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Oh, for long. And longer! You'll never dip me in a pit of acid, Faptaguise!
00:12:03.775 --> 00:12:05.158
I have powerful friends!
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Ha, you mean like this one?
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Harry!
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Liam!
00:12:08.918 --> 00:12:10.127
Well, if it isn't Harry!
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[Harry and Liam] It is.
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Well done, May.
00:12:12.839 --> 00:12:15.739
May? I thought your name was June!
00:12:15.739 --> 00:12:18.946
April. -Whatever! -Yes, it's true. My name is May.
00:12:18.946 --> 00:12:21.940
And I am Lord Faptaguise's henchwoman sent to capture you.
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You liar!
00:12:23.350 --> 00:12:24.813
No, I really do work for him.
00:12:25.167 --> 00:12:26.692
No, I don't mean you're lying right now.
00:12:26.692 --> 00:12:28.993
I just mean, you know... generally.
00:12:29.593 --> 00:12:30.606
Oh... okay.
00:12:30.929 --> 00:12:31.849
Okay.
00:12:31.849 --> 00:12:35.055
Okay, tie him up and hang him from the ceiling as well.
00:12:35.055 --> 00:12:38.704
He and his friend can burn in the pit of acid together!
00:12:38.704 --> 00:12:42.094
Oh, but frisk him first. Make sure he doesn't—Well, actually, let me do it!
00:12:42.432 --> 00:12:45.138
snickers creepily
00:12:46.384 --> 00:12:49.568
Ohhh, Faptaguise. I just now got that.
00:12:49.568 --> 00:12:52.254
Any weapons on him? -No, just this taco.
00:12:52.254 --> 00:12:54.598
Dispose of this! -Yes, my lord!
00:12:54.613 --> 00:12:55.976
But I bought that for him!
00:12:55.976 --> 00:12:57.289
Shut up, May; no one likes you.
00:12:57.289 --> 00:13:00.147
Oh... I am now beginning to question my allegiance.
00:13:00.147 --> 00:13:04.393
I AM a villain, but Harry is so sweet and Faptaguise is a total jerkface.
00:13:04.393 --> 00:13:05.806
I'm so confused!
00:13:07.806 --> 00:13:09.893
NOOOOooooo...
00:13:09.893 --> 00:13:11.765
You hear that? Sounds like Liam and Harry
00:13:11.765 --> 00:13:12.827
are in trouble!
00:13:12.827 --> 00:13:14.861
sliding noise You hear that?
00:13:16.338 --> 00:13:18.253
Ooh, yummy! I haven't eaten all day!
00:13:18.253 --> 00:13:23.160
guard coughing and sniffling You hear that?
00:13:23.160 --> 00:13:27.458
guard blowing nose
00:13:27.458 --> 00:13:30.484
guard clearing throat
00:13:31.059 --> 00:13:31.728
flap
00:13:32.005 --> 00:13:32.628
BA-THUD
00:13:35.739 --> 00:13:36.516
squish
00:13:37.932 --> 00:13:39.816
But I'm not eating that. -Yeah, you hear that.
00:13:40.047 --> 00:13:43.237
Lower them in! Now you will meet your doom!
00:13:43.237 --> 00:13:46.625
And once the Wrath-o-Sphere passes through the Dimensional Gate,
00:13:46.625 --> 00:13:49.963
Earth will never see its precious little pussycats again!
00:13:49.963 --> 00:13:51.971
glass breaking I don't think so!
00:13:52.402 --> 00:13:53.274
Louis!
00:13:53.274 --> 00:13:54.119
Harry!
00:13:54.119 --> 00:13:54.855
Louis!
00:13:54.855 --> 00:13:55.534
Liam!
00:13:55.534 --> 00:13:56.431
Louis!
00:13:56.431 --> 00:13:57.186
Who are you?
00:13:57.186 --> 00:13:57.935
May.
00:13:57.935 --> 00:13:58.849
May!
00:13:58.849 --> 00:13:59.596
Louis!
00:13:59.596 --> 00:14:01.137
Har—Hey, you already got one!
00:14:01.137 --> 00:14:01.987
Hmph.
00:14:01.987 --> 00:14:03.469
sigh Harry!
00:14:04.069 --> 00:14:07.309
And as for me, I got—a Pussymagnet!
00:14:07.309 --> 00:14:08.081
[Liam and Harry] Yes!
00:14:08.081 --> 00:14:08.788
[Faptaguise and Guard] No!
00:14:08.788 --> 00:14:11.820
Maybe! I am questioning my allegiance; I am so confused!
00:14:11.820 --> 00:14:13.031
Here goes!
00:14:13.031 --> 00:14:13.626
ahem
00:14:13.626 --> 00:14:16.641
singing Well, she was just seventeen
00:14:16.641 --> 00:14:18.899
You know what I mean
00:14:18.899 --> 00:14:22.832
And the way she looked was way beyond compare
00:14:22.847 --> 00:14:26.988
So how could I dance with another?
00:14:26.988 --> 00:14:30.633
Woo! W-Woo?! speaking I can't hit that high note!
00:14:30.633 --> 00:14:31.713
Woooo?
00:14:31.713 --> 00:14:32.397
Seize him!
00:14:32.397 --> 00:14:33.450
Woo! Wooo-GUHHH!
00:14:33.450 --> 00:14:36.035
NOOOoooooo!
00:14:36.035 --> 00:14:38.053
Man, they really need our help up there.
00:14:38.069 --> 00:14:39.781
But the only way out is up.
00:14:39.781 --> 00:14:40.927
How do we get up there?
00:14:40.927 --> 00:14:43.273
Well, there's this old skateboard here.
00:14:43.273 --> 00:14:46.282
And I could pick up some speed going down this hill of rubbish.
00:14:46.282 --> 00:14:49.007
If only we had some sort of ramp...
00:14:49.007 --> 00:14:50.368
ding
00:14:52.199 --> 00:14:53.005
What?
00:14:53.389 --> 00:14:54.108
Ready?
00:14:54.293 --> 00:14:55.615
Yeah.
00:14:55.615 --> 00:14:57.661
One... two... three!
00:14:58.830 --> 00:14:59.746
woosh
00:14:59.746 --> 00:15:00.415
boink
00:15:01.369 --> 00:15:02.658
plop Whoa! -What the?
00:15:02.658 --> 00:15:04.303
Harry! Catch!
00:15:04.810 --> 00:15:05.751
gulp
00:15:05.751 --> 00:15:07.067
Popeye-esque music plays
00:15:09.774 --> 00:15:11.255
punch AHHHHH!
00:15:11.255 --> 00:15:12.881
Thanks, Harry! -No sweat.
00:15:12.881 --> 00:15:15.072
Now, how do you work this Pussymagnet?
00:15:15.072 --> 00:15:17.428
It's supposed to be activated by a series of tones.
00:15:17.428 --> 00:15:19.405
Hitting the high note at the end is the key.
00:15:19.405 --> 00:15:21.758
But if anyone can do it, Harry, you can!
00:15:21.758 --> 00:15:23.226
Awwww, Louis.
00:15:23.226 --> 00:15:24.332
I mean it.
00:15:24.332 --> 00:15:26.962
And I mean it, when I say...
00:15:26.962 --> 00:15:32.432
singing Can we fall, one more time?
00:15:32.432 --> 00:15:37.494
Stop the tape and rewind
00:15:37.494 --> 00:15:43.543
Oh, and if you walk away I know I'll fade -Harry, I think it's working! Keep going!
00:15:43.543 --> 00:15:48.658
'Cause there is nobody else
00:15:48.666 --> 00:15:53.844
It's gotta be YOU! You! ahem Y-y-you!
00:15:53.844 --> 00:15:55.679
Oh no, Harry, you almost had it!
00:15:55.679 --> 00:15:57.572
I can't hit that high note!
00:15:57.572 --> 00:16:00.838
Haha! You have failed! The pussycats are mine!
00:16:02.130 --> 00:16:03.855
Louis! Hit me in the balls!
00:16:03.855 --> 00:16:04.730
What?
00:16:04.730 --> 00:16:06.408
Hit me in the balls!
00:16:06.408 --> 00:16:07.112
No, Harry, I—
00:16:07.112 --> 00:16:09.610
I can't be a pussy magnet without you!
00:16:09.610 --> 00:16:11.349
Hit me in the balls!
00:16:11.349 --> 00:16:13.860
Harry, I only hit you in the balls when you deserve it.
00:16:13.860 --> 00:16:16.530
You know, like when you make an awful pun or something.
00:16:16.992 --> 00:16:22.186
Hey! What do you call a Spanish toilet that weighs 2000 pounds?
00:16:23.756 --> 00:16:25.405
...El-Ton-John!
00:16:26.359 --> 00:16:31.548
smack YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!
00:16:31.548 --> 00:16:34.498
Harry, it's working! -ONLY YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!
00:16:34.498 --> 00:16:38.171
confused cat noises
00:16:38.171 --> 00:16:43.529
YOUUUUUUUUUuuuuuuuuuuuuu...
00:16:44.237 --> 00:16:45.499
Harry, you did it!
00:16:45.499 --> 00:16:46.708
We did it!
00:16:46.708 --> 00:16:49.723
Niall, get Liam down, and let's get out of here!
00:16:49.723 --> 00:16:51.156
gun cocks I don't think so!
00:16:51.156 --> 00:16:51.777
gasp
00:16:51.777 --> 00:16:52.898
whirrrrrrrr
00:16:52.898 --> 00:16:53.644
whap
00:16:53.644 --> 00:16:54.282
thud
00:16:54.836 --> 00:16:55.373
April!
00:16:55.373 --> 00:16:55.888
May.
00:16:55.888 --> 00:16:56.610
May!
00:16:56.918 --> 00:16:58.359
You did that for me?
00:16:58.359 --> 00:16:59.952
Yes, I had to.
00:16:59.952 --> 00:17:02.936
Once you go Harry, you don't go...
00:17:02.936 --> 00:17:06.944
Y-you, you don't—you don't go...
00:17:08.286 --> 00:17:09.819
...Well, you work on that, bye.
00:17:09.819 --> 00:17:10.380
Bye.
00:17:10.380 --> 00:17:12.031
By George, we did it, lads!
00:17:12.031 --> 00:17:14.078
And Harry, you really hit that high note.
00:17:14.309 --> 00:17:15.117
Didn't he, Molly?
00:17:15.317 --> 00:17:15.915
Dusty.
00:17:15.915 --> 00:17:18.827
And I couldn't have gotten that high without you.
00:17:19.089 --> 00:17:21.324
If there's one thing I've learned, it's that
00:17:21.324 --> 00:17:24.444
I get high with a little help from my friends.
00:17:24.721 --> 00:17:26.415
[Liam and Niall] Awwww...
00:17:27.367 --> 00:17:29.150
I thought that song was about drugs, though.
00:17:29.150 --> 00:17:31.052
Shhhhhhh—achoo!
00:17:31.052 --> 00:17:31.936
Are you coming down with something?
00:17:31.936 --> 00:17:34.747
sniff Yeah, I think it was that taco.
00:17:34.747 --> 00:17:37.018
Oh, yeah! Someone's snot rag was all over that taco.
00:17:37.018 --> 00:17:38.380
Plus, it was on a pile of rubbish.
00:17:38.380 --> 00:17:40.176
There's no telling what you'll come down with!
00:17:40.176 --> 00:17:42.217
More like... one infection!
00:17:42.217 --> 00:17:43.390
[ALL] laughing
00:17:43.390 --> 00:17:44.236
Ugh... thud
00:18:08.836 --> 00:18:10.044
Hello?