[Script Info]
Title: 
[Events]
Format: Layer, Start, End, Style, Name, MarginL, MarginR, MarginV, Effect, Text
Dialogue: 0,0:00:02.57,0:00:03.45,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,HAPPY HOLIDAYS!!
Dialogue: 0,0:00:03.45,0:00:04.26,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Happy Holiday!
Dialogue: 0,0:00:04.26,0:00:05.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Happily Holiday!
Dialogue: 0,0:00:05.40,0:00:06.81,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We're a good 6 weeks deep now
Dialogue: 0,0:00:06.81,0:00:09.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,into the telling everybody to have a happy holiday season,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:09.62,0:00:12.07,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and the closer we get to the end of that season,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:12.07,0:00:13.45,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the more urgent the need becomes
Dialogue: 0,0:00:13.45,0:00:15.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to tell everyone everywhere
Dialogue: 0,0:00:15.48,0:00:17.12,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to have a happy holiday.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:17.12,0:00:18.25,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Even though at this point in the year
Dialogue: 0,0:00:18.25,0:00:21.09,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that's probably the least useful thing you could say
Dialogue: 0,0:00:21.09,0:00:22.29,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to anybody.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:22.29,0:00:23.92,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Pretty much anyone you run into this week,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:23.92,0:00:27.43,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you can be confident they already know there's a holiday taking place,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:27.43,0:00:29.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and that they're expected to be happy when this occurs.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:29.96,0:00:32.83,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So instead of me telling you to have a happy holiday
Dialogue: 0,0:00:32.83,0:00:35.77,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,for the fortyleventhmilliontheighthundredmillionth time,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:35.77,0:00:37.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I'd rather take a minute to acknowledge
Dialogue: 0,0:00:37.38,0:00:40.37,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,everyone out there who's not having a happy holiday.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:40.37,0:00:42.91,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Everyone who can't be with the family that they love,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:42.91,0:00:45.51,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,everyone who has to be with the family that they hate,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:45.51,0:00:48.01,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,everyone who can't afford to express their love
Dialogue: 0,0:00:48.01,0:00:50.95,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,through the season's mandatory rituals of crass consumerism.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:50.95,0:00:51.75,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I see you,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:51.75,0:00:52.79,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I know that you're out there.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:52.79,0:00:54.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I know that this is the most stressful,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:54.52,0:00:58.19,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,most depressing, most unhappiest time of year
Dialogue: 0,0:00:58.19,0:00:59.35,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,for millions of people.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:59.35,0:01:02.63,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And I know that if you're one of those people who's already unhappy,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:02.63,0:01:05.27,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and then you gotta spend 6 weeks having everyone else come up to you like
Dialogue: 0,0:01:05.27,0:01:06.97,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"Hey! Have a happy holiday!"
Dialogue: 0,0:01:06.97,0:01:08.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"I hope you're having a happy one!"
Dialogue: 0,0:01:08.40,0:01:09.84,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"Don't you go wearing a frown!"
Dialogue: 0,0:01:09.84,0:01:12.47,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"What are you? Some kind of Scrooge? Is something wrong with you?!
Dialogue: 0,0:01:12.47,0:01:14.78,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Society demands that you be happy!!!"
Dialogue: 0,0:01:14.78,0:01:17.31,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,If I'm one of those people who's already unhappy,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:17.31,0:01:18.85,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that is not helpful.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:18.85,0:01:20.11,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,That makes it worse.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:20.11,0:01:21.35,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,If I'm not having a happy holiday,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:21.35,0:01:23.78,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,it isn't because I forgot to do it.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:23.78,0:01:25.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I don't need you to remind me.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:25.28,0:01:28.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I'm already accutely aware of my failure to be happy.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:28.66,0:01:30.59,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And well, let me just pause for a minute and say
Dialogue: 0,0:01:30.59,0:01:33.59,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I'm not mad at people who say "happy holidays".
Dialogue: 0,0:01:33.59,0:01:35.85,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I say it, we all have good intentions when we say it.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:35.85,0:01:37.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But I also know that for a whole lot of people
Dialogue: 0,0:01:37.66,0:01:39.71,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,this holiday season is like a little box
Dialogue: 0,0:01:39.71,0:01:42.07,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that you know everyone's supposed to fit into,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:42.07,0:01:44.21,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and you wish that you could fit into the box too,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:44.21,0:01:46.34,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but you just can't fit in the box.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:46.34,0:01:47.93,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And when you can't fit in that box,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:47.93,0:01:50.74,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,it makes you feel like the whole purpose of this holiday season
Dialogue: 0,0:01:50.74,0:01:53.85,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,is to remind you that there's something wrong with you.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:53.85,0:01:54.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So I just wanna say to everyone out there:
Dialogue: 0,0:01:54.98,0:01:56.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,No matter how you spend this holiday,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:56.88,0:01:58.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,there's nothing wrong with you doing that.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:58.62,0:02:01.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And give a little love to both sides of that holiday divide.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:01.44,0:02:04.06,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,For everyone out there who is able to have a happy holiday,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:04.06,0:02:05.02,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,good for you!
Dialogue: 0,0:02:05.02,0:02:06.92,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I'm sure you're already on top of it.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:06.92,0:02:07.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Keep up the good work.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:07.90,0:02:09.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And to everyone else out there
Dialogue: 0,0:02:09.20,0:02:11.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,who's not fitting into that happy holiday box,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:11.30,0:02:13.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I especially want to send this out to you,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:13.30,0:02:14.72,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and let you know I see you,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:14.72,0:02:16.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,there's lots of people right there with you,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:16.44,0:02:17.17,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I've been there,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:17.17,0:02:18.27,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and you're not alone.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:18.27,0:02:20.14,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Basically I just want to say that wherever you are,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:20.14,0:02:21.18,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,whoever you're with,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:21.18,0:02:22.51,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,whatever your circumstances,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:22.51,0:02:24.43,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,happy holidays!
Dialogue: 0,0:02:24.43,0:02:25.59,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,are optional.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:25.59,0:02:27.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,If you're into that kind of thing.