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Jessica: Hello Heavy Petters! We're the Luxery-Legays
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I'm Jessica
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Majestic: I'm Majestic
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Jessica: And we're here to talk to you about self love
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because its a very important part of having healthy relationships with others
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but most importantly yourself
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and it's also a really great building block for a lot of the things
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we'll be talking about here at Heavy Petting
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Majestic: Yeah. Its really important to note that self love is not like a one time thing
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its definitely a process and I think its important to remember that
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loving yourself in a world where your body's constantly devalued and scrutinized
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is difficult but its definitely possible
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Everyone will have hard days. I have hard days. Jessica has hard days
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And it doesn't mean that you have to start over, its just part of the journey
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Its really important that when you're trying to love yourself, you bring compassion,
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gentleness, kindness and patience to the table when you're thinking about your self love
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or self loathing. Try not to mean to yourself
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Being mean to yourself when you're trying to love yourself in counter active
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to the process
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Jessica: Let's get started
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Majestic: That's a great idea
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Jessica: Step 1: Be Critical of the Kind of Media You Consume
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Ask yourself. What kind of media do I consume?
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Is it magazines? Is it blogs? Is it Gossip Girl? Is it the newspaper?
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What bodies and lifestyle are being portrayed? Are you reflected there?
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And if so is it empowering or positive?
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Mass media is one of the big ways we learn about the world here in the West and often times
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that media is racist, classist, ableist and doesn't portray a variety of body types and sizes
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Majestic: Our next point is doing a little bit of Spring Cleaning
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Its really important to remember that mainstream media and other types of alternative media
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are often trying to sell you something and I think its important to think about
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whether or not that's something you want to participate in.
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One way to engage in this without disavowing all media ever and being super militant about it
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is to just think critically about the kinds of media you consume
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Sometimes you do want to cut out certain types of media that make you feel bad
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Other times you're like, I love Toddlers and Tiaras, I can't stop watching it
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So that's a reality for some people
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So that brings us to Step #2
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Do Things That Make You Feel Intimate With Your Body
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Jessica: Some great ways to do that are: movement at your own pace/terms/abilities
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this can be swimming, or running if that's your thing
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I like to dance
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Majestic: I like to stretch
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Jessica: Also Intuitive Eating, which we'll put the link below (we made a video about that)
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Sometimes its as simple as putting on lotion
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That's one of my favorite parts of the day
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Besides other things...
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I do like to be mindful of how my body feels and touching all the different parts of my fat body
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I don't know, just being quiet and doing that
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Also another way to touch your body, for those who are more sexual is obviously masturbation
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And that's a really important tool if that's something that you're into
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You can also look at your body in the mirror and start fully clothed
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and work down to being nude. Its important to just be realistic with yourself
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This is what your body looks like and this is who you are
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Just remembering to spend time with that
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Majestic: And I think that you know, these kinds of things like looking at your body
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in the mirror, the more tactile feeling your body, feeling what it feels like in a bunch of different ways
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is really powerful and does connect you to your body in a way that's really important
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I found it really...once I got into body politics, I found that part of it to be very intimidating
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but I do really love those things now and I feel that they're really important part of my self
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love journey. Another thing that you can do is write your body a love letter
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We've both done that. Its a really interesting, really hard process
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So I think that's something you could explore. It can be really healing, it can show you
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the places that your relationship with your body might be a little tenuous
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Its just really interesting
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Jessica: Be really honest because the letter can be just for you
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Majestic: Another thing is challenge your internal narratives about your body's worth and beauty
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That kind of goes hand in hand with when you're looking at yourself in the mirror
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engaging in these practices of self love, or even when you're just getting ready
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Think about what you're saying about yourself and what those internal narratives
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are saying and stop them. Try to counter them with something about how strong or
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beautiful you are if you can.
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We definitely have a boundary for when we're getting ready
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If one of us is having an eyeliner or eyebrow emergency or another person is having
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excessive gender crisis and is taking up a lot of space and doesn't know what to wear
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We kind of just take a step back and try to say a few positive things about ourselves
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and that's really awesome. We're not often taught to do that
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It can be a pretty radical act I think
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Another thing is self care
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Take care of your body and your mental health in ways that feel good
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Think about what you love to do.
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I love to go into my kitchen and mix coconut oil with I don't know other things
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and essential oils and rub it on my body
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Jessica: Take baths
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Majestic: Take baths and have alone time, or watch excessive episodes of Toddlers in Tiaras
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as I'm a gay beauty pageant dad
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Jessica: And I'm a pageant queen
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Majestic: And yeah, just honor your high glitz lifestyle
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Honor your deluxe queen identity in a way that feels really empowering for you
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Jessica: Step #3 is a hard one: Think About How the People In Your Life Make You Feel About
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Yourself and Your Body
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That's hard and complicated. Because for a lot of people
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the people that make you feel really bad about your body/yourselves are your family
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members and that's hard. Its just important to set clear boundaries
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Have adult loving conversations with the people in your life about what they can
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and cannot say about you and your body
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And stick to those and make sure that when that starts to happen
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you give them a chance to immediately stop and then you remove yourself
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Majestic: So another really important thing is saying nice things about other people instead
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of bad things. Like being positive about others helps you be more positive about yourself
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Also when people are saying really negative things about other people, that's usually
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about their own self hatred stuff than the other person
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When Jessica and I go in public, people always stare at us, yell at us, try to take pictures of us
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Sometimes its nice, sometimes its mean, sometimes I'm not really sure what's happening
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But like one that I've been able to navigate the intense hypervisibility that
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comes with us as pair in pubic is, I also look at other people and talk about other people
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but I frame the things that I say with compassion, compliment people, say nice things about them
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I think that's really important also
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Jessica: So also, once you've gotten past these initial stages and you feel more comfortable with this
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you can challenge people when they're body policing or racist or classist or any of these things
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and start engaging people and challenging them to start thinking about what they're saying
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and how what they're saying affects you and the world around them
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Majestic: The other thing is Get Creative About the Way You Present Your Body to the World
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This is going to be really different for everybody.
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Obviously it manifests in very specific ways for us, but it can be something as simple as
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wearing a fancy sweater or just trying something new
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Maybe you want to wear falsies during the day
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Jessica: Or stripes
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Majestic: Get creative and take risks
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It can be a really fun way to be engaging in self love
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Jessica: Its important to remember when you start doing that or really any of this
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to celebrate the small victories. And the big victories
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Celebrating the small things like how you ate something you wanted to eat or you
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didn't wear a sweatshirt to cover your arms
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Just different things to honor that you're taking these steps and that you started this journey
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is really really important because it will encourage you to continue and those small
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victories to you, if you're modelling yourself after someone who's been on this journey for a long time
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is a huge victory for you and was a huge victory for people like you and me
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I remember the first time I wore a pair of pants that fit me
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I remember when I stopped wearing pants because I hate them
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Majestic: I remember when I stopped wearing hoodies in the summer even though I was super hot
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because I was ashamed of my body
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Jessica: That's right, we took that one from real life
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So these things are important. Just be kind to yourself
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Remember to talk to yourself as you would someone you love dearly
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Like you would never tell your Nana the mean things you tell yourself
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Majestic: Or even, treat your body like its a lover
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Whatever that means to you
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Jessica: Knowing you, maybe you have some homework you'd like to give to the viewers
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Majestic: I think homework is really important and for those of you who are willing
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These are some things I would encourage you to go try
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HOMEWORK
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Write a Love Letter to Your Body
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Just sit down for like 5 minutes. It can be a really interesting process
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Another thing is, like we said
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Look at Your Body in The Mirror
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Touch Your Body in Ways That Feel Good
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Take Risks
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Another really important thing that my friend Blaise told me that she was doing with her partner
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is that every day we share 3 things that we appreciate about each other
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and the way that we've modified that to kind of give room for our self love
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has been we also share 3 things that we are grateful for about ourselves
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Get creative
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Think about the ways that you're sexy but also a really good family member or friend
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or how you're really funny or intelligent
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I think that putting that really intentional time into loving yourself every day is
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really powerful and will change your relationship with your body
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Jessica: So. We love you
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Majestic: We love you and good luck
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Let us know how this goes and if you have any questions, let us know
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You can hit us up at HeavyPettingTalkTv.tumblr.com
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Jessica: or Majesstica69@gmail.com
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Majestic: Okay loving you
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Jessica: Byyye
